In Repair

-CHAPTER NINE-

-LOLA'S P.O.V-

We all sat around the dining table, our parents at one end and us kids at the other. We sat in an awkward silence for a while until my brothers started to chat to Grayson like they had known him for years, me and Ethan on the other hand were a completely different story, he was glaring down at his food with such force i thought his plate was going to snap in half.

"Ethan are you okay?" I said without thinking. Nice going now he's gonna hate you even more for talking to him, maybe you should just keep your mouth shut this time. Ethan didn't reply, instead he threw his plate off food at me and stormed up the stairs. I could already feel tears brimming my eyes but i managed to hold them back. Grayson turned to me and saw the food all over my clothes and my face and started laughing but stopped when his mum glared at him. 

"Grayson show Lola to the bathroom so she can get washed up please." Lisa's eyes softened when they landed on mine and she gave me a sad smile. I followed Grayson up the stairs and into the bathroom.

"Just get in the shower if you want, i'll bring you some of my old clothes when you're done." I nodded my head silently and he left the bathroom. As soon as i heard the click of the bathroom door close the first ear fell, and then another and another until they were streaming down my face. Once i had calmed down i turned on the shower and peeled my clothes off my body, trying not to look in the mirror hanging above the sink. Unluckily for me i caught a glimpse of myself and what i saw wasn't nice. I could see the thin red lines in bedded in both of my wrists and the fading scabs on my thighs, i could see that i was getting fatter, my thigh gap nearly non-existent. I looked away and closed my eyes as the thoughts started buzzing in my head. 

You're a fuck up

no one likes you

die

cut yourself

slit your wrists

I closed my eyes blocking it all out and stepped into the shower.

...

I stepped onto the white shower mat that currently had droplets of slightly red water being dripped onto it. I furrowed my eyebrows confused and looked down towards my wrist seeing one of my cuts now open and bleeding freely again, my eyes widened and i grabbed some tissue dabbing it over the wound wincing as it came in contact with the cut. Once it stopped bleeding i flushed the bloody tissue down the toilet watching as the deep red slowly faded away until it was gone completely. I opened the door slightly to find a stack of clothes neatly folded in a little pile right in front of me. I slightly smiled knowing Grayson was the one who left them and picked them up before slipping into the bathroom again. 

I looked in the mirror at the over sized grey shirt and black basketball shorts i was wearing and winced as i saw that the sleeves of the shirt weren't quite long enough and i could still see the angry red cuts on my upper wrist. I sighed and called out Grayson's name, slipping my head out of the door so he didn't barge in and see my wrists. About 30 seconds later i saw Grayson strolling towards the door, a worried look on his face.

"Lola are you okay? is something wrong??" He said out of breath. I giggled and shook my head slowly.

"No Grayson I'm fine, i was just wondering if i could have a sweatshirt? I'm quite cold." He let out a relieved breath and i smiled at how worried he was. Not for much longer, he'll see the real you and run for the fucking hills. My smile faltered but i quickly fixed it before he could notice.

"Yeah sure i'll go and grab you one." He smiled at me and i was suddenly stuck staring at him for a minute. I never noticed how beautiful grayson was, the way that one strand of hair fell on his forehead after running up the stairs hastily trying to get to me, the way his eyes had that light in them that i hadn't seen in mine for years, i was awestruck. I was suddenly pulled out of my trance as he turned and started to walk away from me. He came back a few minutes later with a dark green hoodie and handed it to me, our hands touched and i blushed looking down. You fucking idiot it was just a fucking hand.

"Okay well come down into my room when you're done its just the third door on the left." And with that he turned and walked away.

I made my way down the hall and towards Grayson's room, my wrists itching at me to slice them open again. 

I placed my hand on the cold metal doorknob of Grayson's room and was just about to open the door when i heard hushed voices coming from inside and me being the idiotic girl i am decided to eavesdrop. 

"What do you even want with her Grayson?? Are you just going to fuck her and then break her heart like you do every other girl?" What was Ethan doing in Grayson's room? It looked like they despised each other earlier. 

"Do you really think i care about her Ethan? She's fucking weird anyway, probably won't even let me fuck her. She means nothing to me." My heart shattered as i heard those words come out of Grayson's mouth. I told you he hates you. I didn't even try to block the thought out because i knew it was the truth. I could feel the lump in my throat rising and tears threatening to spill onto my cheeks. 

"You're fucking sick Grayson." Ethan spat to his brother. I could hear footsteps coming towards the door and backed away trying leave before whoever it was coming towards me found out i was there.

"Lola?..." Shit. I turned around and faced Ethan, his blue strand of his hair had fallen and now lay on his forehead, his eyebrows were furrowed and for once he didn't look like he wanted to kill me instead he looked guilty? 

"How much of that did you hear?"

 Everything. 

"Nothing why what happened?" He looked at me sympathetically and shook his head, turning and leaving. I took that as my opportunity to leave. I sprinted down the stairs and out the front door, into my back yard and into my room, the tears already spilling down onto my cheeks and landing on my hard wood floor. I grab my blade and strip down to my underwear slicing my skin over and over in multiple places not even caring how deep it might be. 

 Now here i am, stood in front of the mirror,tears streaming down my face, blood running down my legs and dripping from my fingertips onto the hardwood floor. I collapsed into a crying mess onto the floor the only thoughts going through my head...

Why am i here?

I though he was different....

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yo waddup i'm actually really getting into writing this so you will definitely get more updates.