In Repair

-CHAPTER TWO-

-LOLA'S P.O.V.- 

When i woke up I could see light trying to peek through the gaps in my curtains, meaning i had fallen asleep and slept through the night. I checked my phone to see if i had any texts from my truly best friend, his name's Ben. We used to be friends but stopped when we went to different high schools, i bumped into him at a party in the second year and we had become friends again. He's the only person i trust enough to tell about everything. He knows about my self harm, my mum's boyfriend and so much more. He understands it because he self harms too. It almost makes me feel better to know that there is somebody out there who goes through some of the same stuff that i do, but it also saddens me to see him out of all people hurt themselves. He is currently dating a girl who's name is Jessica. She doesn't like me very much because i'm friends with Ben and i can understand that. I have recently realised that i have deep feelings for him, and not just in a friend way. He just makes me feel so happy and i can be myself around him, both something i haven't done in a while. I looked and saw i had a message waiting for me. My heart hammered in my chest and i was suddenly a lot more awake than i had been a few seconds before as i read what it said.

Ben<3

Lola i need to talk to you...

Me

Yeah sure what is it??

Could this finally be my chance of being with him? No. I pushed the thought out of my mind before i got too let down when it wasn't that. I lay back down waiting for a few minutes for a reply when i heard the familiar vibrating on the pillow next to me telling me i had a new text.

Ben<3

Lola i'm so sorry. We can't be friends anymore, i really love Jessica and i can't lose her. I'm so sorry.

My heart stopped as i read those few words. I felt like i could feel it breaking into pieces in my chest. I just replied back saying that i understood and that he will always be my best friend. I scrolled up our messages a little bit and see a message i sent him a couple of days ago.

Me

Ben do you even want to be my friend? Because i feel like you don't anymore, you're becoming more distant and i'm scared to lose you.

Ben<3

Shut the fuck up. I love you and i would never leave you ever.

I would never leave you. I felt a single tear roll down my cheek but i wiped it away and took a deep breath, refusing to let more fall. I just lay down in bed again, my fingers brushing over the cuts i made the night before my thoughts telling me i should've cut deeper.

...

I spent the rest of the day thinking alone in my room. Flashbacks from the last time i met up with Ben flashing through my mind.

I walked down the street and away from the school, i could still hear the loud rap music coming from the speaker they had. Everyone there was drunk but i was too much of a wuss to go out and drink because i have panic attacks and think the cops are going to come and arrest me. But they all left me at Lucy's to go meet up with some guys so i was texting them and they eventually convinced me to go meet back up with them at the school so i did and while i did i got a text from Ben asking if he wanted to meet up.

I walked across the road to see a figure standing in the middle of the field scaring me a little bit since it was dark. I felt my pocket vibrate notifying me that i have a new text.

Ben<3

Yes that's me don't be scared ;)

A small smile, a true smile found its way onto my face as i read his text. He's the only one that can really make me smile anymore, he just makes me happy and no one else can.

I walked over to where he was now sitting in the stands. I leaned up against the pillar he was sitting beside and said a small hey to him. He just sat there staring at me for a few moments before whispering.

"Wow, you're gorgeous." I felt the flutter in my heart and i could feel my mouth tug itself into a full blown grin. I looked towards the ground as i felt my cheeks redden at his comment. I walked over and sat beside him telling him about how everyone left me at my friends house tonight to meet up with some guys, one of the guys, Nash, he hates with a passion because he tried to sexually assault me at a party.

We sat there talking for about an hour before he got a call from Jessica. Somehow she knew that we were together and got mad at him. It's at moments like these where i feel bad for being his friend because Jessica hates me and we have to sneak around behind her back.

After he got off the phone he told me he had to go and gave me a hug. It was an unusually long hug and i shivered from the loss of warmth from his body when he pulled away. As he turned and started walking away from me I had an unusual feeling in my chest like i knew something bad was about to happen.

I didn't realise i was crying until i could taste the tears on my lips. I quickly wiped them from my face and tried to calm myself down. I guess that feeling in my chest was right. I walked slowly over to my desk and pulled out my art pad, my eyes brimming with new tears. I was in a sad mood and painting helps me get out my emotions without talking to anyone.

I looked down to the empty white page and started to pick at the corner while my mind came up with something to paint. My hand skimmed over my freshly cleaned painting sponge and dipped it into the dark blue paint that was placed on my paint tray. I let my hands control themselves as they darted across the page sponging different types of paints onto the page. When they stopped moving i moved back and had a proper look at it. there was a silhouette of a tree in the middle of the page surrounded by all different kinds of blues and purples but it wasn't that that stood out to me most, it was the little girl with the pigtails and pink dress holding the brown teddy bear that stood out. She had a sad look on her face, but you had to look closely if you wanted to see it properly. 

I looked away from the page and walked back over to my bed, plugging in my headphones and lay down in the soft mountain of pillows and blankets. 

...

"Boys, Lola, come into the living room please!!" I groaned picking myself up from my very comfortable position in my bed and dragged my feet to the living room.

"What do you want mum?"

"Do not speak to me like that i am your mother." She scolded me, i just rolled my eyes.

"Well i have gotten a promotion at work and we're moving."

"That's so cool to where??" My 9 year old little brother Jack asked.

"New Jersey."   

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------