In Repair

-CHAPTER 12-

-LOLA'S P.O.V-

"excuse me?" I said as Grayson reached me.

"You heard me slut." Grayson said with venom dripping from every word. 

My face fell slightly and the lump in my throat was making it hard to breathe. You deserve this. 

"Grayson told us all about your and his little adventures and then how he caught you with his brother right after." The boy to his right said, his jaw clenched and his wiry blonde hair was twisted up in a quiff, his blue eyes boring into mine.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." My hurt turned into anger towards grayson and i turned to face his icy glare. 

"Oh yeah baby don't you remember all the fun we had last night?" He said with an evil smirk on his lips. He thrust his hips up and moan making all his friends and everyone around us snicker and laugh. Why is he doing this?

My blood boiled and I brought my hand up, smacking him across the face as hard as i could, i could hear the sound bounce off the hallway walls as everyone went silent. His head was facing to the left and there was an angry red hand print decorating his cheek. When he turned around to face me again his nostrils were flared and his fists were clenched. I looked into his eyes and saw that all playfulness was gone, replaced with hurt and hatred. He lifted his arms up and pushed me against my locker putting his forearm against my neck and whispered in my ear.

"You shouldn't have done that bitch. Prepare for your life to be hell." He let go of me with a final shove and stormed off with his friends. I looked down at the floor and looked up to see Ethan standing there with a sympathetic look on his face. A single tear fell out of my eye and rolled down my cheek and his face fell. My hand reached up to wipe the tear and his eyes quickly fell to my wrist. Shit. My shirt sleeve had fallen down when i quickly reached for my tear. His eyes widened and he stood staring for a second before storming off and punching one of the chipped lockers making me jump before disappearing around a corner. 

i ran out of the schools main doors leaving Edith still standing shocked at my locker. I ran all the way home with tears pouring out of my eyes. Maybe i should just end things and make life easier for everyone, nobody would miss me anyway.

I reached home and ran upstairs to my room reaching for my blades. I looked through them, the silver gleaming in the sun and grabbed the sharpest looking one. I went into the bathroom and ran a bath scorching hot. i stripped my clothes off and looked in the mirror hating what i was seeing. More tears pooled in my eyes as i looked at how fat i had let myself get, how much of a disappointment i had let myself get and how much of a failure i was. Nobody will miss me. The only though going through my head.

I wrapped a towel around myself and went to find a paper and pen to write a note to my family. As soon as i found one i went back to the bathroom and sat on the ground to begin writing. tears began to fall as i started to write, slightly smudging the black ink of my pen.

Dear anyone,

I don't think any of you care but if you do, i'm sorry i did this to myself. I just couldn't go on any longer. I can't handle the constant battle going on inside my head every day and every night, it's too hard. Grayson, if you're reading this, please don't think this is your fault but thank you for finally pushing me to finally do what i've wanted to do for a long time, i also heard the conversation you had with Ethan in your room and you're right i am fucking weird and i wouldn't have fucked you, but at least you got your friends to think we did right? And to Ethan, i know you saw the cuts on my wrist and i know deep down you're a good guy but that person is hidden behind so much hurt, and i'm sorry i didn't stick around long enough to try and help you with that but please try and heal. And finally to Mum, I'm sorry i was always such a failure and unimportant and i'm sorry that i had to do this but this world just isn't for me and it's all getting too hard. I love you and the boys so much.

goodbye.

My hands were shaking by the time i had finished writing and i placed the note on the counter beside me. As the towel dropped to the floor and pooled around my ankles i picked up the slim razor blade and made my way over to the door, locking it before stepping into the scorching water making my legs tingle. I dragged the blade across the tender skin on my wrist, watching as the blood poured out of the wound and into the water, swirling around before disappearing and making the water a red color. Over and over again i did it, until my vision started to blur and i had run out of room on my wrists to cut anymore. 

I lay down in the water my vision slowly starting to fade and heard a bang on the door. 

"Lola are you in there?" Ethan. My brain was fuzzy and i couldn't process it. 

"LOLA?!" He was screaming now. How long had he been there banging on the door? The sounds barely reached my ears as darkness began to envelope me. The door suddenly burst open and he came in with wide eyes. 

The last thing i remember was him jumping for me before the darkness finally reached every point of my vision. 

I was gone.

Finally.

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HELLO

Yes i know, it's been a while since i updated but hey at least i'm doing it now ;) 

ik this is a bit of a sad chapter but at least it's long.