Dead or Destitute (Lams)

Chapter Three

A/N Mixtape, what are your thoughts?

From the moment John had been informed that his father was visiting the hospital, John had intended to ask Alex to be present. He didn't wish to brave the encounter without Alexander beside him.

Over the past few weeks, John had grown closer with Alexander than he had ever been with anyone else. Alex understood John in a way no one had ever even attempted. The way he gazed at John filled him with hope. His glance alone was a constant comfort, a reminder of tenderness and love which had never been exhibited to John before.

His intentions to ask for emotional backup were quickly dismissed by the news of Alexander's other plans. His adoptive family was coming to visit and John refused to ask for assistance when it would separate Alex from his family.

The only positive outcome of the day was that Alex's family was arriving an hour before John's dreaded visit. That meant Alexander would introduce John to everyone.

This was probably the only thing that comforted John. His worries were soothed by anticipation. The implications of meeting Alexander's family added depth to the whole ordeal. Just as Alex made him feel special, the idea of being important enough to meet the family was even more astounding.

What John didn't expect was the nausea that twisted in his stomach, didn't anticipate the anxiety of the introduction. Alexander reminded him all morning that there was nothing to be afraid of. He rubbed John's back, his fingers dancing along the hems of John's shirt.

"There's nothing to worry about. I was nervous when I first met them too. They're all great. They don't have any preconceived ideas and they're definitely not traditional," he joked. "George can be scary at first, but he's pretty chill too. You'll love Martha. I just know it. Oh and Laf is cool. They're bringing Hercules, their boyfriend."

"Laf?" John questioned, not remembering hearing of them before.

Alexander nodded. "Lafayette's their other kid. They were adopted from France. You'll love them."

Alexander spoke of them all with complete adoration. It forced John to wonder if that's what a real family looked like.

The family arrived, huddling together through the hospital doors. They contrasted against the dismal hospital air, all of them smiling and joking, acting as though death wasn't at their heels.

Upon spotting Alexander, they enveloped him in a hug. John stood at a distance, feeling flustered. He suddenly wished to disappear, not desiring to play the part of an outsider. He had portrayed that role his whole life, never fitting in. Still, the feeling horrified him.

"Well don't just stand there," a woman called out and John assumed it was Martha. "You're getting a hug too!"

Alex escaped the embrace long enough to drag John back in with him. Their happiness flooded John's heart, making him feel protected. It was a silly notion given he was in the midst of complete strangers but it was true none the less.

After the hug, they all flocked to Alexander's room, introducing themselves as they walked.

Everything Alex had said was true.  George was intimidating, but not in a bad way. He carried an air which demanded respect but the smile on his face explained that he was a genuine human being. Martha was the frantic, concerned, and constantly worried mother. She doted on Alexander and Lafayette. She enjoyed fussing over the two and soon enough she was acting the same way towards John.

Hercules and Lafayette were the obvious life of the party. It seemed as though the way they communicated love was through insulting each other. Lafayette would bring up an embarrassing anecdote about Hercules and Hercules would respond by pointing out flaws in Lafayette's grammar. "Say water," he would tease, knowing Laf would trip up on the words.

"So John," Hercules began. "What are you in for?" Lafayette punched his arm, suggesting it was not a good conversation starter.

John blushed faintly, not wanting to explain that it was his third attempted suicide.  That's never a conversation one wishes to have, especially not with people he just met.

Alexander sensed the uneasiness and spoke for him. "John's liver is being an asshole, but he'll be fine. Doc just want to watch his vitals and shit for a while."

"Language!" Martha warned, though she didn't seem too agitated. "Anyway, we're so glad you're friend with Alex. A lot of other kids don't like getting close to him, you know with....."

"Martha!" Alexander exclaimed, indignation and agitation flowing freely with his tone. He quickly resumed his casual posture, clearing his throat. "Perhaps we should talk about something else."

John was exceedingly curious by the sudden change of character but knew better than to ask.

"Today Hercules got kicked by a horse!" Lafayette declared, thinking it best to change the subject with humor. "It's his own fault though. Mon Cher was told not to stand too close. He never listens."

Hercules chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. He vividly remembered being kicked. "I was assaulted and you find that funny?" he teased, grinning as he did so.

"Lafayette just learned the story of Humpty Dumpty today, didn't you dear?" he countered back. His voice faked positivity, dripping with sarcasm.

"Mon Dei!" they exclaimed. "It's a stupid story! Why would I give a fuck about a fucking egg?"

Martha looked ready to interrupt but Alexander spoke before she could. "John, your dad will be here any minute."

John was more than grateful for the reminder, forgetting all about it. His face grew solemn as he embraced his fate. Alexander kissed his cheek, causing John to smile lightly and Hercules and Lafayette to let out an exaggerated sigh.

John said his goodbyes, stepping into the hallway.

George followed.

"Can I speak to you, son?" he asked after checking that the door was completely shut.

"Sure," John agreed. "But can you not call me son?"

George nodded, not wishing to make the boy unnecessarily uncomfortable. "Alexander is really sick and he probably didn't tell you the whole story. He doesn't like admitting defeat, especially not when it comes to his own health."

"What are you saying?" John interrupted.

George released a sigh, rubbing the bridge of his noise as he did so. "Alexander's heart is failing. We've searched for a donor, but it's just no longer a possibility. He didn't want me to tell you, but you deserve to know."

John felt like crying, but he immediately realized he was too numb for that. He could still feel fear, that being one of few prominent emotions. Perhaps he also felt heartbreak, but it was too difficult to decipher that feeling.

John would offer Alexander his heart there and now if they'd permit it. He had already emotionally placed it in Alexander's hands. John had no need for his physical heart. He had already tried three times to make it stop beating. He didn't deserve life.

Alexander did.