Dead or Destitute (Lams)

Chapter Seventeen

"Wake up sleepy head," Evan chuckled. "It's ten!"

John sat up quickly out of bed, slightly alarmed at the fact he slept in so late. Evan laughed, handing him a cup of coffee. "It's not decaf, is it?" John teased, a playful look of disgust on his face.

Evan rolled his eyes, proceeding to pretend he was offended. "I think I know you a little bit better than that." Evan did know a great deal about him, but the same was true of John. For example, he knew Evan was always supposed to drink decaf because anything with real caffeine gave him anxiety.

That wasn't all he knew of Evan. He knew that he had some weird fetish with trees, that his toenails were secretly painted blue like the sky, but he always wore shoes and socks so no one knew. He knew Evan was happy with his relationship with his mother, but he also wondered what it would have been like if his father hadn't left,

That was another pro to being in this relationship with Evan, if that's what they could even call it. Evan's mother was such a sweetheart. She adored John, constantly coddling him. She worried about him like she did her own kid, and she always insisted he never leave. He tolerated a whole month of her begging him to stay and yet he never obliged. Then, at exactly nine weeks into whatever he and Evan had, Evan asked him to stay. It wasn't just that he should stay the night, no. He wanted John to move in, to always stay curled up beside him in bed. Though this wasn't possible, he did stay whenever he could, sometimes days at a time when his father went away on business trips.

"Now, please hurry up and get dressed! You said we were going to tour that college today."

John sighed, pulling his mess of curls into a ponytail. "Can't you go without me? I'm sleepy."

Evan's eyes grew large, his face becoming pale. "I can't go alone! What if I can't find it? Or I go to the wrong building? Or someone offers me drugs? Or I'd have to drive myself and you know that makes me anxious just thinking of it!"

John placed his hand on Evan's shoulder, trying to reassure him. "I was only joking. You know I wouldn't make you go alone." He leaned in for a kiss, short sweet, and comforting.

The drive there was mostly silent. the college was an hour away, and Evan was too anxious to make small talk. Instead, he stared out the window, allowing John to focus on his route. There wasn't much to see on the way, and John couldn't do anything but think of everything that had happened up until this point. A few months had passed with Evan, and fall was here. John had never considered college, but Evan was over enthusiastic, knowing he wouldn't have to start this new experience alone.

He counted the few visible scars left on his wrist, eight or so of them being from before he had met Evan. It wasn't like Evan fixed John, he just tried to cut less, and when he did, he tried his hardest to hide it from the boy who loved him.

Once they finally arrived, the tour was given, and they both spoke separately with an advisor. This took about a half an hour, not really making up for the long drive. Still, they were both more than thrilled to leave.

"Let's get lunch," Evan sighed, rubbing his stomach like he hadn't eaten in the longest of time. "And before you say it, I know, I should have had breakfast before we went but I just felt too nauseous."

John laughed, running his hands through Evan's hair and making a mess of it. "Okay, but I have to find this goddamn car first."

"It's in aisle seven."

John hit the unlock button, and saw the lights flash quickly. Evan's mom's car was nice, and it also happened to be the only vehicle the two had at their disposal. After much consideration, they decided on soup, the perfect fall meal, even though it still wasn't quite fall.

"Truth or dare?" Evan questioned as they were seated at their table. John acted annoyed, but played along anyway.

"Truth."

"How many people have you kissed?"

John started counting on his fingers, and Evan looked astonished. "Six. I kissed a girl when I was like five. Then there was my first boy in middle school and he pretended to be cool about it but told the whole school and got me harassed for the rest of the year. Two more girls for the sake of fitting in. Then Alexander, and then you."

"You don't talk about Alexander ever," Evan stated, his voice sounding as though he was the slightest bit upset. He avoided eye contact, instead playing with the food which had just been placed before him.

John didn't really know how to respond, but he felt a need to break the awkward silence. There was nothing he could say about it. The real truth was because he self sabotaged everything and he knew he had no future with Alexander because he would have eventually ruined it in the same way he was going to eventually ruin things with Evan.

"Truth or dare?"

"When did you actually realize that your dad had left and wasn't coming back?"

Evan winced at the memory, but he was also glad that they were discussing something of importance. "My mom kept telling me that dad was just away for work, that he'd come home any day. I'm not sure if it was a lie to protect me, or if she really believed he'd eventually come home. Anyway, I woke up because I had a nightmare, probably of something ridiculous. I ran into their room, it had to be around four in the morning."

He paused.

"Then what?"

"Then mom held me and cried and I begged her to let me call dad because even if my dad was hours away, even if it was four in the morning, my dad would have talked to me. That's the thing though, he wasn't my dad anymore. He was the father of someone else's children, someone else's responsibilities. Maybe it wasn't that he didn't belong to me, not that he wasn't my dad. It was that I wasn't his kid."

The drive back was this game of truth or dare, and they followed a pattern. Every truth was an emotional question, and every dare was absolutely ridiculous.

That night Evan and John ate dinner with Heidi, just the three of them functioning like a somewhat normal family. It was on nights like this that John realized how dysfunctional his own home was. It was also on nights like this when he missed his siblings the most. He constantly checked up on them, and tried to be at the house with them as much as he could, to protect them and so they'd know they weren't forgotten.

The night progressed, and soon it was time for sleep. The three changed to the two, Evan passing out as soon as his head hit the pillow.

There was no light, no noise, nothing, just Evan's steady breathing and John's wandering mind.

All this was interrupted by one text message sent to John's phone from an unknown number.

"John? It's Hercules. I hope this is the right number. Something's happened with Alex. How quick can you be at the hospital?"