Dead or Destitute (Lams)

Chapter Eighteen

The once familiar environment seemed transformed into a maze of unmarked territories and winding halls. John was unfamiliar with all of it, not knowing which floor to take, room to enter, or direction to turn. His heart felt like it would beat out of his chest if he didn't get there soon, but where was there? And why did it matter? Wasn't he only going to meet someone who was now a stranger to him? He owed this man nothing and he had nothing left to over him. He had already given his love elsewhere, moved on from whatever illusion of a life they had formed in their makeshift hospital home.

Evan was groggy and his eyes were rimmed with circles. John couldn't catch his breath or find the words to fill Evan in on what was happening, but whenever asked. He didn't care why they rushed here in the early hours of the morning, didn't care that John couldn't speak or weep or do anything besides search and wander. 

Finally, after what seemed like hours of roaming, John located Lafayette and Hercules. Neither said a word, only embraced him in a hug. No words could fill the void of the anguish and fear which lingered in their hearts. The panic which set in John's soul refused to budge or lift and all his focus had shifted to Alexander; his first love.

He felt a gentle hand rest on his shoulder and turned to greet Martha. She pulled him close, looking into his frightened eyes. "He's in emergency surgery," she began to explain. "He went into cardiac arrest around two this morning and they rushed him into surgery. He needs a transplant or they just don't think he'll make it through the night." 

If the knife had been given, he would have carved out his own. He would have ripped it out of his own bleeding corpse and planted it in the surgeons hands. The fire in his soul would move his spirit to linger long enough to perform the action regardless of what science said. He would do anything. He had to do anything. 

"John?"

Evan. 

Of course this was foolishness. He couldn't abandon the boy he had clinged onto. He couldn't forget him now, after weeks spent at his side, after every talk, every joke and game, every moment they had shared. It wasn't fair.

But he knew, deep inside, no matter how much he wanted to, Evan would never be Alexander. No matter how hard he tried, the stammering boy would never fulfill him. He was incapable of matching the passion displayed in everything Alexander did. He would never complete John in the way Alex did. However, he promised some part of his love to Evan and he refused to go back on that. 

"You want an explanation. I understand and I promise-"

"Stop," Evan instructed. "I don't need to know anything you aren't ready to tell me. Okay?" he paused, taking a deep breath to gather himself before resuming. "I'll wait up for you, but take your time." 

John glanced at him, studying the delicate creature and loathing himself for ever thinking about hurting him, but even more for knowing that he would. He placed a gentle kiss on his pink lips, melting into the tenderness, into the taste of sugar on him, the hint of vanilla which traced his aura. 

"I'll find you later." 

He nodded once, before disappearing into a waiting room. 

"George wants to talk to you," Martha whispered, tugging him into the other direction. John realized that she could be diplomatic and reserved when she wished to be, just like her husband. She was kind and caring and motherly but knew how to be stern when it was necessary. 

George paced the hall, a new row of grey hairs had turned since their last encounter. He showed every trace of worry which Martha had temporarily hidden. He never appeared so fretful before and John yearned to embrace him too, but didn't know if it was appropriate or reciprocated. 

He rubbed the bridge of his wrinkled nose, thinking of how to phrase the news which must be told. Perhaps it wasn't George's place to give out such information, but it was better if it came from him than anyone else. He felt somewhat like a father to John, and he had to do what he saw as best for him. 

"Your father has been embezzling money."

Neither spoke. Maybe there was nothing more to be said. It didn't come as much of a shock that John's tormenter engaged in other illegal activities. He had always suspected his father was capable of whatever act he wished, regardless of rules and regulations set forth by authorities. 

"It hasn't been made public yet, but I have business with your father's firm and it's been made clear to me as well as other people in business with him," George further explained. "He'll be sent to trial and more than likely found guilty. You could speak out against him for abuse."

"There is no abuse," John stated, sounding robotic, his words practiced and recited. 

George scoffed. 

"John, Alexander's told me all about it. You don't have to lie. I won't interfere if that's not what you want. We will proceed in whatever manner is safest for you, but we have to be strategic. Just, think about it, son."

George dismissed himself and John was left alone with his words. He never before realized how intertwined his father and George were, how inexplicably linked they were. It further proved that he and Alexander were just two sides of the same coin, always completing where the other fell short, always this game of back and forth and give and take. 

He further realized that he no longer found discomfort in George calling him son. He used to hide behind the word, always being known as "Henry's son". Now, he felt safe and as though he belonged, protected in the name he was offered. It was a hand, a lifeline to escape somewhere else. 

It relayed back to George's proposal, his offer to testify against Henry in court. This could change everything, for better or for worse. There was so much to consider, even more on the line. He didn't know how to proceed and he worried that he never would.

"John," Martha called. "He's awake and he only wants to see you." 

A/N Proofread? Who's she? Also, hit me with those MichaelxJeremy BMC fics. Love you all! Give me some feedback too! I love hearing what you all think!