Dear My Sanity

Chapter 3

"Wake up darling, it's time for school." My Mother Cora says opening my door. Little did she know I was already up.

"I'm up already." I stood up from my desk setting down my pocket knife on the old wood. I wasn't allowed to go to school with it sadly, it was against their rules but not my rules.

"Do you feel any better hun?" She asks stepping into my room. Invading my space.

"I've been fine Mom. I was never sick, it's just who I am."

She looks at me as if I was a sick puppy. My Mother did that a lot, she could barely look at me without wanting to cry or to scream as if I was a spider she wanted to crush.

"I made you a Doctor's appointment Desi, you need help." She says letting tears rolling off her rosy cheeks.

I feel anger grow inside of me. I hated when she would do this, why couldn't she just accept me for who I am? Was I that bad? I have been trying so hard to fight them, why wasn't that enough? I wasn't going to end up like Dad.

I bite my cheek so I wouldn't say anything that I'd regret that would hurt her feelings like last time.

"Desi there is. It's like you change into a different person. One minute your happy, then next thing you know you're in a corner planning on trying to kill someone because 'the voices' in your head told you to do so. I'm sorry baby that you're this way but I'm sure they have some kind of treatment to help you." She begins to sob, breathing dramatically.

I grab my backpack.

"I'm fine. I love you mom I need to go to school." She didn't understand, nobody does.

"Love you too." She hugs me, and plants a slobbery kiss on my cheek, she walks out of my room, but I could still hear her crying softly.

I looked in my mirror, I looked different from all the other girls. They tried to make fun of me but the voices always told me what to do, I always gave in whether it was bad or good because they would never shut up. They always taunted me.

I adjust my black leather jacket.

The other kids have classified me as a creepy goth girl, but in my eyes I was just a girl with voices in her head. I slip my pocket knife in my boot. It was against the rules, yeah, but I needed it. Why? To make me feel safe.

I walk out of my room, running through the kitchen and slamming the front door.

I start to walk to school, on my way I see Amanda Strange. Amanda was the Queen of our little high school, or so acted like she was.

She had everyone in the palm of her hand, everyone, but me.

"Grab her by the hair. Throw her face on the curb, Curb stomp her. Kill her Desi." I look around seeing no one. They were back the voices.

"Shut up." I whisper. I grab my dark hair and pull it.

"Oh look it's you, Desi wezi was a bear Desi pulled out all of her hair," Amanda says pulling at her short perfect blonde hair laughing.

I keep walking, I was only a couple blocks from my school.

"Just get it over with! Kill her!" I cover my ears as the voices scream at me.

"I won't give in!" I yell aloud.

"Who the hell are you talking to? I swear your a freak." Amanda says as she mocks me pulling my hair.

"Of course you will, you always do." They say laughing.

It wasn't just one voice; it was many as If they spoke in perfect harmony.

"Hey Desi, where is your Dad at? Oh the Asylum? Why? I mean he is a serial killer." Amanda says dramatically pushing me from behind.

"Hit her Desi, that'll shut her up!" They scream.

I try to resist temptation to do what they say but they wouldn't shut up, so I give in. Like I always end up doing.

I turn towards her quickly punching her in the jaw. She drops to the ground grabbing her face.

"Stab her Desi! Stab her!" They yell.

I cover my ears and begin to run. I didn't mean to do it, but they told me to.

"You're such a coward." They say disgusted in perfect harmony.

"Shut up!" I yell.

No wonder why Mom thought I was sick.

I finally reach school, as I open the door the bell rings signaling I was late. I still made my way to class not running into any hall monitors surprisingly. When I walked into my first period, Creative Writing. I made it just in time as the teacher said my name.

"Desi Lucker?" Ms. Lewis called out.

"Here." I sit down in my seat.

Ms. Lewis was a short teacher with purple hair, she dyed it a new color every month.

After she finished roll, she lectured on how today we will be writing a letter.

"The letter will be written to someone you miss. Such as an old friend or maybe even a loved one." She smiles and sits at her desk.

I get out my notebook and begin to write.

"Dear my Sanity,

I have seemed to have lost you over time. I hate to admit it but I have. I try my best to stay sane but I always find myself listening to these voices that tell me to do these horrible things. It's not my fault that my Father has given me his genes nor is it his fault. I just hope I can find my way back to sanity because insanity has indeed taken over my head." I close my notebook.

"You know you'll never get rid of us right?" The voices ask.

"Who else would remind me I'm not okay?" I whisper to them causing people to turn towards me.

"Who are you talking to Desi?" Ms. Lewis asks from her desk, giving me a strange look.

"Nobody." I lie.

Ms. Lewis gives me a weird look.

I take a deep breath, I'm tired of trying to explain it, all I get is weird looks and sarcasm and the voices didn't like that at all, it ticked them off real quick.