Melodious

First Chorus

so I guess tomorrow means 12:34 AM, yes?

Sorry for the typos and what-not. Don't worry, ito na yung pinakamasakit na chapter ng Melodious. (I mean, for me talaga masakit na 'to. Umiyak ako, pramis.)

Listened to: All I Ask, When We Were Young, and Remedy, all by Adele while writing this. Ayern. Hugot.

***

Alam mo 'yung feeling na parang may unti-unting nawawala sa'yo kahit hindi naman talaga iyo 'yun?

Ganoong-ganoon ang nararamdaman ni Maine habang pinapanood ang basketball game ni RJ kasama ang mga kaibigan nito. Mga ilang araw na rin nang huli silang magkita, ilang araw mula nung huling nag-text si RJ nang maayos. Sa tuwing nagtetext kasi si Maine, laging "okay", "oo", "sige na, busy pa ko eh" ang reply ni RJ. Short. Halatang ayaw makipag-usap sa kanya.

Ilang linggo na lang rin, audition na ni RJ. Hanggang ngayon, wala pa siyang sinisimulang kanta.

Hindi alam ni Maine kung may nagawa o nasabi ba siyang mali.

"Meng," Valeen tapped her shoulder. "Bibili lang akong gulaman. Okay ka lang dito?"

Maine barely glanced at her as she nodded, eyes fixated on RJ. Yung kalaban nila, taga-kabilang subdivision lang din. Matatangkad, pero napapantayan naman ng Kupal Four. Five, kasama si RJ.

She shot up from her seat when she noticed na medyo nagkairingan sa loob ng court. RJ started playing more roughly, hanggang sa siniko niya sa mukha ang isang kalaban para ma-shoot ang bola. Napa-atras 'yung kalaban niya hawak ang ilong nito.

"Oy, teka! Nagdudugo ilong ng tropa namin! Ang dumi niyo naman maglaro eh!"

"Nako, sorry, sorry Kuya. Pasensya na, hindi lang talaga napansin ni RJ, di 'ba paps?"

"Napansin ko. Sinadya ko 'yun."

Then he walked away from his friends and opponents, which would've looked utterly cool if it wasn't such a jerk move.

"Aba ang yabang nitong—"

Maine watched as RJ's four other friends tried to placate the other players, letting RJ by. Taking a deep breath, she decided to come out of the shed she was under in and put on a smile for her best friend. "Hey."

Kumunot agad ang noo ni RJ habang kinukuha nito ang water bottle niya, na hindi niya maabot kaya si Maine na ang kumuha. "Ay, ako na."

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?"

Maine laughed uneasily, watching him drink his water. "Grabe ka naman, parang hindi ka masaya makita ako ah?"

He didn't answer but still moved in silence, taking his shirt off in front of her and she looked away to give him his privacy. "Oo nga pala, 'yung kanta mo hanggang ngayon hindi mo pa rin sinisimulan. Akala ko ipapatingin mo pa sa'kin 'yun?"

Still no answer.

"RJ? Ku—uy! Kita mo 'to, bigla-biglang umaalis. Kinakausap pa ki—aray!"

Napalingon si RJ sa kanya at agad itong lumapit. "Anong nangyari?"

"Natapi—aray." She limped when she tried to stand straight. Binalikan siya ni RJ at inalalayan itong maupo sa bleacher.

"Baka mamaga 'to. Kailangan mong i-cold compress," when he looked up, he met Maine's gaze that watched him sadly.

"Kuya RJ... may... may ginawa ba kong mali? May nasabi ba ko? Kasi," Maine bit her lip to keep her tears in, but the crack of her voice said otherwise. "Kasi pakiramdam ko may nagbago eh. May problema ba tayo?"

RJ didn't look at her and neither did he give her an answer. "Halika na, ihahatid na kita pauwi. Baka kung mapano ka pa."

"Kuya RJ," she was all-out crying now. "Please."

"Fine, sasabihin ko sa'yo," he snapped. "One, you're being annoying. Ang kulit mo. You don't know when to stop or when to continue. Two, akala mo kung sino kang makaasta, dinaig mo pa nanay ko. You're pestering me, don't you know that? Three..."

He swallowed. "Three, masyado kang ma-papel. Ano ba kita, ha?"

"Ah," Maine bowed her head in shame, chewing on her lip. "Ah, ganon ba. Sorry. Akala ko kasi... okay lang sa'yo. Sorry."

Sabi mo kasi maging ako lang eh. Just be yourself. And the self that wanted to stay with you is the one who cared for you.

She quickly wiped her stray tears, and then laughed awkwardly. "Hindi naman na masyado masakit 'tong paa ko. Sige na, Kuya RJ, mauna ka na. Pabalik naman na si Valeen. Tsaka kaya ko naman na."

So he did. He did leave her, in that basketball court, with her sprained ankle, stifled cries, and the first scar of a young heart.

***

"Gago."

Before he can even process what was happening, a fist was already flying towards his face and landed harshly on his cheek. It would probably bruise, but it didn't hurt as much as what he was feeling.

"Sinabi mo 'yun? Gago. Ang gago mo talaga," his Kuya shook his head in disbelief.

"Hindi naman ikaw 'yung nakarinig ng usapan nila nung araw na 'yun ah?" RJ defended himself, clutching his cheek as he stood. "I heard it loud and clear! She never considered me as someone important to her!"

"Eh tangina mo tinanong mo ba siya? Gago para kang batang nagtatampo hindi mo muna tinanong 'yung tao. Bakit ka ba nagagalit nang ganyan, ha? Kasi hindi ka niya kayang pahalagahan kung gaano mo siya pinapahalagahan? Tangina mo RJ para kang hindi lalaki."

I was mad because... because she'd only ever consider me as a friend. And I never wanted to be just a friend.

Noong araw na 'yun, gusto niyang surpresahin ang kaibigan kaya hindi ito nagsabi na susulpot ito sa gala kasama si Valeen at iba pa nilang kasamang babae. Narinig niya ang pag-uusap ng mga ito—it was mostly Valeen who talked—and he heard Maine declare how he "isn't important to her" nor does she "like him unlike what everyone else is thinking".

And that was funny, because to him, Maine already earned a special place in his heart. Bata pa sila, and yes mas bata si Maine, but he had heard of this scary feeling since he was young. And, call him a coward, but he didn't want to fall into this alone.

"Sabihin mo sa'king hindi mo siya iniwan mag-isa sa basketball court," his brother seethed, and he recoiled thinking he'd get another punch. That was another thing; Maine was already close with all his other family members. RJ didn't even dare nod. "Nyeta! Susunod ako doon at baka kung mapano 'yu—"

"Wag na, ako na!"

"Baka may sabihin ka na namang kagaguhan!"

"Promise, kuya, wala akong ibang gagawin. Sasama na ko, please?"

But when he came back, there was no Maine, nor Valeen.

He didn't see her then.

He wouldn't see her the next day, and the next, and the next.

He wouldn't see her in any other day to come.

He would finish his song alone and audition alone and rise up to his fame alone.

And he'd say he did it for his mother—and he does—but also for her.

Until six years later.

But she did leave him a letter.