Knew Better

Chapter 5

C H A P T E R 5

I sat on my bed, legs crossed with my math book in front of me, I was busy with this homework we got. It has been about 3 weeks since Shawn and I actually talked. We've been avoiding each other or no, more like I've been avoiding him.

I feel like I might be getting over him, finally. I just hope I'm really getting over him because I can't dwell on a boy who does not even like me or want to be with me, he literally wants to be with all the girls. I've literally seen him multiple times hugged up with Taylor. Do you know that feeling? It's very heartbreaking to see your friend being cuddly with the boy you like or in my case the boy I've liked for a couple of years now which has resulted into me actually loving him. It is total shit.

Oh well, it is what it is and I can't do a damn thing to change it. I just hope he leaves me alone for the time being so that I can fully get over him and move on. On cue my phone starts ringing and I stare at the unknown number and contemplate on picking up, "fuck it" I said to myself and picked up "Hello?" I said
"Yo wussup C, long time no talk." I got frustrated at once holding the phone as far as possible which probably wasn't really effective, I let out a loud scream of frustration then put the phone to my ear. Like does this dude feel when I'm thinking about him?? and guess what, it happens all the time.

"Yeah it has been a long while. What do you want Shawn?" I asked and he sighed. "Nothing really I just wanted to check up on you ." I took the phone away from my face looking at it as if there's something wrong with it. "Oh wow, you actually care" I said sarcastically "You know I do, why you always like that damn, forever pushing me away." He asked and I rolled my eyes.

"I'm trying to get over you that's why. However it seems like it won't happen anytime soon." I replied and there was silence. "Baby you're buggin' real shit though. But it's whatever see you at school." He said then hung up and I sighed out in total frustration "Why do I love him but hate him so much!" I said to myself and felt sad and emotional all over again.

On top of all my boy or no Shawn drama, my mom hasn't been home since yesterday, where is she? I don't know nor do I care. I wouldn't say we're unstable at all to be honest, we live the second class life, like not broke but not rich just right to live you know, so it's not like my mom is out her doing crack and being a prostitute or whatever. Since my parents divorce my mom has been going out a lot avoiding the house and she is always at work leaving me alone with the house.

It would be nice to have her around though because she used to be my best friend I used to tell her everything from the boys I liked straight to the phases I was going through and she stood by me through every phase, I remember coming home and telling my mother I might be a lesbian and all she did was smile and shake her head. Our relationship used to be so vibrant and alive, and fun damnit now it's boring and dry 24/7, but it's whatever.

I sat with my books for another 30 minutes before taking a nice warm bath and getting ready for bed but before actually going to bed I went downstairs and made sure that all the doors were locked when all that was done I went straight to bed falling asleep instantly.

***

Shawn

Candice just doesn't understand I really am feeling her it's just I can't sit around and wait for her ass to be ready for me. I mean come on there are girls willing to date me or even just fuck me and many times I contemplate on whether I should hit or not and while I'm contemplating I am lowkey thinking how Candice would feel about it, but then it clicks we aint dating so I fuck whoever throws themselves at me. I swear to god Candice will be the death of me.

"Knock knock" my mom's voice came through the door "come in mother" I replied. I was laying on my bed thinking and the side of my bed dipped as my mom sat down. "Shawn are you okay? You didn't act like yourself at dinner. What's wrong." She asked, my mom and I are real tight she's my nigga. I can tell this lady anything and everything and she'll give me the best advice too. She's like my personal Dr. Phil.

I turned my body now laying on my stomach and putting my head into my pillow. "Mommy it's about a girl who, confuses me." I said and she rubbed my back. "Why is she confusing?" She asked "Well I like her and she likes me but for some reason she doesn't want to date me. She says I'm a starboy" I complained my mom kept quiet for a while. "Well first of all what's a starboy?" my mom asked and I turn my head looking at her then put my face back into the pillow "A playa ma" I replied "Why do you think she thinks you're one?" I turned facing my mom and I could hear in her tone that was a rhetorical question since she knows how I am. "It's obvious to me you're the cause of her being confused and confusing. She's going to like you no matter what but because you act like a hoe in front of her she's going to feel like you're going to fuck her over Shawn. Look at it from her side." My mom just threw that in my face and she called me a hoe.

"But ma' girls throw the booty in my direction what kind of dude would I be if I reject it? The girls on my school are just so juicy and nice. You know? I can not settle down with one girl when there are so many who would wait in line and take rounds with me." I said and my mom sighed loudly, and I knew this was out of anger and frustration.

"You don't get it Shawn, she might hurt every single time she sees you with a girl and she is probably a bit insecure too. I know exactly how she could be feeling but you'll see in the end how things will turn out if you wait for her but if you don't wait for her, you'll see how much you'll regret it." My mom said standing up and leaving, I was thinking long and hard about this shit and for my mommy to tell me all that shit was kind of, an eye opener or maybe not. I'm stubborn leave it to me to ignore everything my mom's just told me.

I hope my mom's advice works.