My Only Mistake Was Loving You

(14) Somehow I'm the Lucky One

Something I've never liked, like most people with the right mind, is being wrong. I can't stand having to go up to a person and having to admit that I was wrong and that they were right. That all the arguments I made to prove my point were faulty and that the other person was right.

To be honest, I still wasn't able to grasp how it was that I should be proud to have him, but him ashamed to have me. Was it my grades? Did he not like me having B's? Was it my face? My body? My weight? My friends? My family? My personality?

What was wrong?

I...I could lose a couple of pounds...a couple more, that is.

I guess I should be more studious...

Maybe he liked girls with make up better? Maybe he didn't like my natural look...

My body was...funky looking. To be honest, I did have a lot of stretch marks between my thighs and my love-handles.

I mean, let's face it. I was bigger than him. Maybe that's why he is ashamed of me.

For the next week after he said that, it was all I thought about...then, practice came around.

---

"Okay boys, today we're going to try something new. Em, can you come here, please?" said the choreographer.

"Yeah, of course," I replied unknowing as to why he wanted to speak to me privately.

"Would you mind picking two of the guys to carry you? It'll make a really beautiful impression and you're going to look lovely." he said, encouraging me because he could tell how self conscious I was based on the way I moved when I was reciting my dance moves.

"Uh, I don't really think that's a goo-"

"We'll do it," said Jacob, nudging Travis to volunteer as well.

"Yes! Whatever it is, we will, indeed, do that!" agreed Travis.

"See, yeah, we can do it." Jacob said once more.

"No, I don't think-"

"Perfect!" exclaimed the choreographer. He walked away before I could say anything and started looking through his pack of CDs, presumably looking for the right song.

I turned to look at Jacob and Travis and began trying to make them back out, but of course they had a much greater argument.

"If we don't do it, he might want to." Jacob said pointing his eyes towards James.

He was right. James would volunteer and it would be a disaster if he did it.

"Okay, fine, but...guys, I'm really heavy." I said warning them about their shoulders that are going to need icing after practice.

"Nonsense. We've been going to the gym." said Travis whilst showing off his muscles and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

From the corner of my eyes, I could tell that it didn't sit well with James that Travis had been showing off to me and making me laugh, but perhaps that was another reason he was ashamed of me...because I was a slut. I had too many guy friends and I flirted too much.

---

After practice, James approached me and pulled me to a corner where we were out of sight and he kissed me, hard. No passion involved and definitely no kind of feeling. It was animalistic. It was possessive and nothing more.

"You're mine. Stop flirting with them. and DO NOT let them flirt with you. I'm tired of it." he said while still not looking at me.

"Okay," I said, while attempting to make myself small. Of course with my body, that's not what it seemed like.

"You're so lucky to have me as your boyfriend. No one else would be so understanding of all your flirting." he said moving his hands lower.

Jacob approached us pretending to be a little lost, "Em?" he called.

"Em, where are you I need you to-Oh, uh, Em can I borrow you for just a second?" he said when he finally set his eyes on us. I think what caught his attention most was that James' hands were at the moment. They were both grasping onto my butt, but what caught my attention was the frown that I caught deepening on his face when he took in all the details.

"Sure," I replied, "Excuse me," I said to James moving his hands off of me and walking towards Jacob.

Once we were along, Jacob kind of let loose, "Are you kidding me, Em? What? Are you guys dating??"

"No," I replied, "We're just friends." I lied.

"Em, you need to tell me what's going on. I know for a fact that you're lying. Is he...Is he forcing himself on you?" he asked getting personally close and looking more concerned by the second.

"No, of course not. He doesn't do anything that I don't want happening. Just back off, Jacob."

"Whatever, Em, I was just looking out for you, but if he's what you want then you go get it. I'd wish you the best, but with him, I know nothing will ever be good for you. Look at yourself! He's destroying you, but you know what? I don't fucking care anymore." he exploded and walked off.

Look at myself?

I've looked better than I've ever had. I'm lighter than I was in middle school. I look happy, don't I?

I plastered a smile on my face and went back to the crowd with the rest of the guys, but the closer I got, the more water rose to my eyes and threatened to slide out, so instead of walking to the crowd, I walked past the crowd dismissing myself to the bathroom.

I guess James isn't the only one that thinks I'm a slut.