My Only Mistake Was Loving You

(10) This Wasn't What I Wanted

"Why didn't you pick me?" James asked, clearly frustrated.

"Because I can't! My parents would never allow it and I already had Paul in mind since I was 10! You can't pin this on me. You weren't even in the picture until a couple moths ago! Plus, you can't even be clearly in the picture because YOUR EX WAS MY BEST FRIEND and she still doesn't know about us!" I replied frustrated at the way he had been treating me the past week for something that I didn't care to change because he felt he wasn't getting enough attention. I had never been one to bend backwards for a guy and I wouldn't start just because he was eighteen and lovely.

Dammit.

"You like him, I know you do! That's why you throw it in my face that we're not exclusive. You like him. Well, if you like him so much why don't you just go be with him?! You already picked him! Just go." He replied sounding more hurt than mad. I didn't understand. Why was this such a sensitive topic for him? Why couldn't he just let it go? We were going to dance and then ta-da. That's it.

"Why do you care so much?" I asked, my voice soft and gently.

"Because he is going to be the one you take all your pictures with. He's the one you're going to remember. He'll be there for the rest of your life." he said softly while reaching for my hands.

I complied and held his hands in my own. He was hurt. He was jealous. But the truth was, there was still nothing I could do about it. The chambelanes were set and locked. He couldn't be in my court and that was something he just had to deal with.  Or so I thought.

----

"I can't make it to the practices, Em," said Brian softly.

"What do you mean you can't make it? Practices start in a week! What happened?" I asked, panic rising inside me. What was I supposed to do with an empty spot in my court. Either I find a new addition that agrees to be in it within the week or I pull someone out.

"I'm sorry, I wish I could be there for you, but I just have too much going on," he said.

"It's fine, Brian. Thank you for letting me know." I said shortly, turned on my heel and walked away.

I felt the anger bubble up inside me and I felt disgusted by it. So, of course, when I tried pushing it down, the sadness seeped in through the small spaces I was creating inside me. Soon, I was in a puddle of my own tears once again.

The only good thing about this was that I was already half-way home, so everyone walking home from school had already cleared out. I sat down on the curb and just let myself fall apart.

I didn't have time for a quinceanera. I didn't even want a quinceanera. I was taking 2 college courses in addition to my normal high school courses, trying to maintain above a 3.5, trying to balance my boyfriend dramas, and planning a quinceanera? No. This wasn't me. I'm not meant to do this.

Making phone calls at every god-forsaken hour, putting on a fake smile and fake excitement.

I didn't want this.

Why was I to plan my entire quinceanera when my sister had it planned for her? Why was I to balance my entire life alone?

As, I let myself fall into the deep dark hole of self-pitying, I didn't stop to think about the footsteps that were approaching me.

"Em, are you okay?" it said.

"Yeah, fine, thank you. I just need to tie my shoe." I lied, quickly covering my face with my hair and wiping the tears away.

"Em, I know we're not together, but you can talk to me."

"I know, David. Thank you," I replied. If I was being honest his voice did give me some comfort, and if that wasn't enough for me, his warm embrace certainly was.

"I'm here for you Emma. I'm here for whatever you need," he said.

Whatever I need.

"David, will you be in my court?" I asked, looking up at him with sad, but hopeful eyes. Yes, the well-known puppy-eyes. He looked unsure, so I continued, "Brian was in it, but he said he can't do it anymore and I'm not really sure why, but it's really sucky that he tells me a week before everything starts going down. David, help me."

"I'm sorry, Em. I can't do that. You know I can't. I have things to do during the evening."

He hadn't changed. Not one bit. How could I have been foolish enough to believe that he would save the day?

"Okay, well I have things to do now, so I have to go. Plus, you're not even going in the direction of your house, so maybe you should turn around and go back the way you came from. Thanks for helping me, but I can handle it now."

And once more, I was turning on me heel and walking away.

Who was I supposed to have fill in Brian's spot?