Ordained - Jyler Fan Fiction

twenty nine

I went to a birthday party this weekend and I'm going to another one next weekend like wth I never do anything

Tyler's POV

As I sat upon the bed, I could instantly sense the tense energy lingering in the air. Jenna was sitting beside me on the mattress, obviously trying to put into thought what she was about to say. I knew we needed to talk things through, and I knew the subject was definitely going to be about me.

"Just... Just explain to me what happened to make you feel this way?" Jenna looked up, her eyes filled with concern and warmth, even though the colour held so much icy tones. I sighed, knowing it wasn't going to be the most comfortable conversations

"I have no idea" I shrugged, "maybe not really talking on tour I suppose"

"But Josh-"

"You can tell Josh gets sick of listening to my troubles all the time" my voice was monotone, just staring at her with no trouble

"You know that's not true" she whispered

"But it is, everyone gets annoyed at someone who's depressed, as much as they don't want to show it, it's very true"

"Tyler, please don't say that" she tried to contain the fire burning up in her chest, but it was visible, to me atleast.

"To be honest" I felt my teeth gnaw at my bottom lip, no thought coming into the next phrase I would spill, "I'm so alone and useless, I don't know how I'm gonna keep going on"

At that moment, I saw Jenna's whole world fall apart in her eyes, tears falling out with ease. I immediately wanted to take back what I said, mentally scolding myself at not keeping a filter. I hated seeing her so distraught, and it made it even worse knowing it was because of me. Eventually, she stood up, her legs pacing the bedroom as I stared into space

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't of said that"

"But you meant it, I can see that's how you really feel" her voice cracked, "you know what makes me upset Tyler? That you can't open your eyes to what's in front of you"

I sat up stunned, the sympathetic Jenna totally vanishing from existence.

"How can someone who wrote those amazing lyrics be so oblivious to how purposeful their life is? How much you mean to people? How much you mean to this world?" She raised her hands, tears still flowing from her sockets

"You have to say that" I shook my head, a bit annoyed she wasn't agreeing with me. "There's always a certain script people always follow in these situations"

"I'm not people, Tyler" Jenna said sternly, her eyes looking directly into mine, her eyebrows furrowed. "I say it because there are thousands of people out there singing the same words you sing, there are people hurting and using your voice to help guide them. There's people literally using you as a reason not to end their life! This isn't fake Tyler! So many people love you!"

"That doesn't change the fact I feel worthless!" I broke, my hands curled up into fists beside my hips. Jenna began to pace again, only this time, her hands scrunching in her hair. "The only reason I'm still here is because I know I will leave an imprint, that I can't escape not being remembered, and that infuriates me!"

"You'll leave more than a footprint in the sand, if you carry on making music the way you do, you and Josh are actually going to create a revolution, but you're the only one stopping it from happening" Jenna's hands went on her hips, her face now soaked with the salty liquid that left her eyes.

"Are you done pointing out all the things I'm saying and doing wrong!"

"I'm not trying to make you feel bad Tyler!" Her voice raised so high, it squeaked, "I'm trying to show you that you mean so much more than you think!"

I sat there shaking my head, my face heating

"You might think that nothing can make things better" she sobbed, "but you mean so much Tyler, you're so worthy, We all love you so much"

I stayed silent, fighting back the tears pricking the backs of my eyes.

"You have Josh, the church, your family, the youth kids, your fans, I could go on!" Jenna's lips tightened into a thin line, so much I couldn't see the rosy pink stain anymore. "We all love you! We all love you! I love you"

I looked up

"And I can't live without you" her voice softened, totally raw from yelling. My whole body felt like collapsing, not really knowing how to feel. So many emotions were flowing, I couldn't pin point on what exactly was going on with me.

Jenna stood crying silently, her mouth opening to say something else, only to be interrupted terribly.

"Aaah... shit!" she shrieked, her whole body shooting to the ground. I stood up so alert, completely putting myself into s different mind frame. Concern took over me as I stopped thinking, immediately holding onto Jenna as she clenched onto the skin on her abdomen.

"Jenna! Jenna, can you hear me!" I stroked her face, her eyes scrunched up so tight, I couldn't even see her eyelashes anymore.

Her mouth moved so much yet no words were formed, only cries of pain escaping. Her whole body formed into a ball, every muscle tensing like stone. Finally, her eyes opened slightly, her lips trying to form something.

"C-Call an ambulance"

A/N

I tried not to make either of them look too much like a dick but I know that when you're so depressed, your filter disappears and your sense of caring just flies out the window. And sometimes when you care so much, anger takes over. I've been in both shoes.

Also I wasn't sure how I was going to piece together stuff in this chapter but I was trying to sleep and then it came to me and I couldn't sleep unless I actually wrote it

Currently 1:30am on Halloween and I have class in 7 hours, rip me because I'm literally a zombie

P.S If any clowns are reading this and are planning to purge tonight pls spare me ❤️

~ Viella