Strange Love
I am looking at her, trying to see any anger that she felt towards me like the way she was screaming at the asylum but none of that was present in her condition. I am asking God of what I have done in my past life to deserve her.
But I think I did none. I was a guy with huge anger issues, and post traumatic syndrome disorder. In short I was a broken man. Why did she choose me? There are many people who loved her, adored her, and cherish her not like me.
"Hey what's the problem?" I wanted to say 'you' so badly but I didn't. I only shook my head and she began talking to people foreign from me. I bet her parents also didn't know this people. Ano bang meron saakin that she was willing to suffer?
She was clearly happy. Nakakatakot ang pagmamahal na binibigay niya saakin. It was too pure, she gave me the power to destroy her. And I did. I fucking did!
but she remained pure.
"Theo pasok na tayo sa kwarto natin." She pulled me as we went to our room. "Okay ka lang ba?" Hindi ako makasagot, am I okay? Pero sinagot ko parin siya ng oo. Umupo siya sa higaan and looked at me.
"Why do you know all these people?" Tanong ko, how did she end up here? Koronadal City is far. I've been to General Santos City but I never went here. "Well, we were from here. Technically my Grandma was from here, she knew about what Mom and Dad did so she took me in for 3 years? But she died because of old age and I had to return back to my parents. Bakit ayaw mo ba dito?" She was too kind that it hurt me. Inaabuso siya ng parents niya and I never thought I would too.
"Hindi naman sa ganon' I just wanted to know, this is like the opposite of the world I grew in" Nginitian niya lang ako. I wanted to ask her, 'Why didn't you leave me?' But I can't and I don't know why.
Bakit hindi ka nakipag Annul saakin? I know it would be a log process but I am willing to do it for you, to set you free par sumaya ka but it doesn't seem to be her idea. "Let's go to New York after 3 days" biglaang sabi niya kaya napatingin ako sakanya.
"Why?" Tinignan niy ako at umupo sa higaan. "ever pa akong nakapuntang New York, heck I never even went outside of the country pero gusto kong pumunta sa New York. We'll spend our Christmas there. White Christmas sounds good right?" nangingiti niyang sabi at hindi ko mapigilang ngumiti pabalik.
I don't love her but God I will give anything for this woman to stay like this forever. Hindi ko alam how she overcame her past. "I knew you since we were neighbors, I was supposed to be an only child dahil ampon lang si Ate. I am a miracle baby yet I never felt miraculous." She started talking.
She was finally opening up to me.
"I was jealous of everything Ate has, love, brain, attitude, everything. And I never knew she would also have you" She didn't shed a tear while talking. She overcame her past, I should too, but I can't. "Then that day came where I was so jealous at her I pushed her, I swear I didn't know na may paparating na sasakyan. That was the first day I spent my night inside the closet. Until those days became weeks. I was so terrified I can't even talk in front of Mommy and Daddy ni hindi ko kayang ipaglaban ang sarili ko."
"I never thought of asking God for comfort but I did. I started asking why was I in that situation? until I was too tired of asking that I started praying and thanking him, asking for forgiveness for all those morbid thoughts I have thought of, those hurtful words that I have said and those mean actions that I have done."
"I thought no body was there for me. Pero naalala ko si God. I prayed kahit nasasaktan ako, masakit mang isiping they can do that to their own child tinanggap ko dahil they are my parents." She was saying those things while looking at me and not shedding even a single tear.
"Do you still remember noong una mo akong nakita? Sabi mo nawawala ka pero kaharap mo ang bahay mo. Never kong naisip na ang isang bata na katulad mo ay magkakaroon ng ganoong kalalim na damdamin. But then I knew that you can overcome that past as well as I did with mine. Hindi naging madali but I did" she reached up and caressed my face.
"I know you can Theo, I know you have the strength to overcome those things" Hindi ko alam pero umiiyak na pala ako, I was crying in front of this strong woman. "C-can you forgive me?" I was string enough to construct a question.
"Of course I do" I can see tears swelling in the corner of her eyes. "I'm so sorry, I disrespected you, hindi kita nirespeto, I took you for granted. I'm so sorry for hurting you, I don't have any reason that will validate those things that I have done." Lumuhod ako sa harap niya. "I don't even deserve being with you. Kaya salamat. Thank you for being with me even though I am broken, Thank you for being with me despite of what I have become." Lumuhod din siya sa harap ko then hugged me.
"That's because I love you. Love is not about being selfish, it's about being selfless, faithful and having trust." What she said only made me cry harder. I said sorry again and again. and she kept whispering she forgives me.
I didn't know how but we ended up crying on the bed until we fell asleep. The last thing I can remember is her saying 'I love you' and 'thank you'
I am so thankful to have this girl
Author's Note:
8 Chapters to Go! I know sabaw pero hinakot ko talaga ang brain cells ko para lang magawa tong UD na to (chos)
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Updated: 11/14/2016
