Talking | Kian Lawley

part 12 : truths

/ema's pov\

Tears were falling down Kian's eyes talking about Andrea. I never knew that it hurt him this much, I mean he broke up with her. He mentioned that their relationship wasn't healthy. He added to me that she was a compulsive liar and that he wouldn't be surprised if she cheated. They argued everyday, they didn't trust each other, they took things really fast. He knew if he had to end things or else they'd get worse and that scared him.

He even talked about his family. A couple tears were shed by me, only because one I knew how he felt and two I could feel his pain

"I'm so sorry Ema" he said crying more. We were sat cris-cross apple sauce in front of each other

"Kian you have nothing to apologize for"

"When I was with her, she made me forget what a mess I really was. Around her I felt, better. I felt that things were gonna change and I was happy for once. My family has always had ups and downs really but with her, it felt like they didn't matter. All I wanted was happiness and then randomly I meet, Andrea. She was my first love and I'm so sorry for saying this" tears were coming down my eyes

"I'm not mad at you baby.. I can just tell by the way you saw her today and the way you talked about her, you loved her. You were reminiscing when you saw her and I knew that hurt you. Kian, she broke your heart. You still do love her, but I know for sure that when you saw her, it didn't make you feel any better. It didn't make you happy, it made you miss being called 'baby' 'babe' 'my love', you miss someone holding you, you miss being someone's 'love', you don't miss her Kian. You miss the attention. You never got the 'attention' or 'love' from you parents, so when you met Andrea she gave you that. She helped you. God and how much I wish it me that helped you.. But Kian I'm not mad. You do still love her though and I know it doesn't make sense but Kian, I'm not an idiot. I know how you feel"

Kian's eyes were red and puffy. I knew that Kian didn't wanna hear that but he had to

"Ah, I-I just feel better telling you everything. From my family, to my friends, to school, and to my ex"

"You wanna know something Kian?"

I grabbed his hands, "things are always gonna be rough okay. And that's not a question it's a statement. It's true. Growing up I had that 'love' and 'attention' from my family. I was so spoiled Kian. I know you think I don't understand but I do Kian. God I do. My family told me I was adopted Kian, and when I started telling my brothers and sisters that I knew, they became distant. It's like they never wanted me to know. It's like when I found out, they wanted me dead. Don't you ever feel like you aren't loved. Don't ever feel like no one understands because I do. Andrea did to, I'm guessing.? My best friend passed away when I was 13 Kian. His name was Angel and he was the best thing ever. I guess you could say I had a crush on him but Kian, think about it. You have a family that cares at least, you sill have your best friends here-"

"Don't you dare say something like that to me!"

I squeezed Kian's hands not wanting him to leave. Tears were forming into my eyes. I knew I was gonna break and I promised myself I would never.

"Kian you think you're the only one with bad breaks here but you're not! I'm not gonna argue with you I'm not trying to"

Kian looked at me with his eyes still red. If I hadn't known he was crying I would of thought he was stoned

"I dated a guy named Jonathan. We were in love I guess you would say. Everyone thought we were this happy couple that people looked up to but really we argued so much. It used to be to the point were we'd yell at each other 'I hate you' 'I never wanna see you again'-"

"Yea same with me and Andrea Ema I know-"

"No you don't- But did Andrea cheat on you every fucking week Kian? Did Andrea give up on you when you told her that you wanted to kill yourself because you thought your family absolutely hated you? Did Andrea call you at two in the fucking morning high and drunk calling you names? Did fucking Andrea ever hit you? Did Andrea ever promise you that she'd always be there and that she would never give up? And did she break her promise? Was it too much for Andrea to handle that you were depressed and you always wanted to die but then, did she know that she was the only reason for you to be living?"

Hot tears came down my cheeks as I knew that I broke. More tears came thinking about my ex. Tears. Tears. Tears

"H-he hit you?" I let go of Kian's hands and just cried

"I'm so sorry Ema" he said

"Please stop-"

"I'm never gonna give up on you"

"Kian"

"I want you. I want you happy."

"Stop please"

Kian grabbed my hands again, "I know I haven't been though what you have but you are absolutely the strongest person I know. You are my everything Ema. Even before you spilled to me. I knew when we were on FaceTime for the first time, I knew you were the one. I don't care if we are young. I want you happy, and if I'm not the person causing it then I don't know.. but I will wait for you because I want to be with you. I want to make you feel like life is worth living because clearly the other guys didn't.. I want you to make me fall in love. I want you to be in love with me. I want you to never break my heart and I will promise that I will never break yours because everything I'll want will be right in front of me. I know I wasn't your first love but I wanna be your last Ema. I'm going to do something real special. I'm going to put a smile on your face. I'm going to let you know that I really care about you. You're so fucking important to me" tears formed in his eyes. He never blinked, he never stopped looking at me

My heart was beating out of my chest and I felt like it was gonna explode. My stomach had that weird feeling again, I felt like I was weightless. I looked down as a couple more tears came down my face. I looked back up at Kian. I got up pushing my body against his

My hands went to his face as I pulled him to me. Kian knew what I wanted and he placed his hands on my waist. We leaned in together. Our lips touched for the very first time