Monstrous Love

Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Ten years later...

"Tell me you've found him." I beg her. "Tell me you know something."
"Eve, please listen to me. You need to let this go... You need to let go of him."
"How can you ask me to do that? How can you ask me to give up on the one person in this world who cared about me?"
My heart is racing as my thoughts spiral, desperation and frustration clawing at the insides of my soul. I actually convinced myself that she knew something about Niall. I didn't sleep at all because I thought she might have found out something.
"Because he's gone." She says gently, taking hold of my hand. "He's not coming back."
"How do you know that? And why did you ask to see me in the first place?"
"I wanted to see you and thought I would try and get you out of that house."
"So you lied to me when you told me it was urgent?" I demand, fighting the urge I have to shake her.
"I felt like I had no choice."
"Ellen, I've told you hundreds of times that Niall and I escaped that night. He did not die in that fire. We climbed out the window and I fell."
"I know that, Eve."
"So how can he be dead?!"
A couple of people nearby turn their heads, observing us closely. I knew this coffee shop was a bad idea but my friend insisted, trying to force me out of my comfort zone for once.
"Because that's what you were told." She reminds me, speaking softly.
"By Jeremy!" I cry, overwhelmed and exhausted. "I told you what he was like. There's every chance he was lying."
"Why would he do that?"
"Because he's a monster. He would do anything to keep us apart."
"Eve, I don't know what to tell you anymore... this endless search won't help you in any way. It's making you ill."
I exhale slowly, clenching both my fists as I stare out the window.
"It's all I have..." I whisper, fighting back my tears.
"I know you feel like that but it's time to move on. Have you considered going to see your therapist again? You made real progress the last time you saw her."
I understand what Ellen is saying but can't process it. I'm desperate, angry, lost and helpless. No one understands...
"I have to go." I say, trying to leave.
"Evie, wait."
I inhale sharply and glare at her in anger.
"Don't." I warn her, shaking my head. "Don't call me that."
I can't bear anyone to call me that except him. It was his name for me and no one else's.
"I'm sorry." She apologises, realising her mistake.
"I really have to go."
"Why don't you come over tonight? The kids are with their dad so we can order in some food or catch a movie." She suggests, sounding hopeful.
"I don't feel like going out."
"You have to stop this. You can't stay locked away inside that house for the rest of your life."
"Can't I?" I retort sharply. "Just watch me."

My nightmares are particularly traumatic that night and I don't fall asleep until the early hours. I wake up the next morning and go downstairs, putting the kettle on like I do each day.
Nursing my steaming cup of coffee, I turn the TV on and stare blankly at the moving figures on-screen.
I don't even know what day it is but realise it's actually my birthday when I receive a card in the post. It's from Ellen of course and I stroke the pink birthday card for several minutes, trying to figure out how she remembered and I didn't.
Twenty-seven.
That's how old I am today.
Which means it's been ten years since I celebrated a birthday with anyone.

Ellen expects me to move on and put the past behind me. She wants me to move forward and find happiness again.
What she doesn't understand is there can't be any happiness without Niall.
Without him... nothing matters.
I don't care about my birthday.
I don't even care about my future.
All I want is him.

Niall vanished that night and so did I.

I disappeared and have been searching for us both since the night of the fire.

It's almost like he never existed.
The only way I can keep him alive is by talking about him.
The one place he exists now is in my mind.

My memories of that night are so hazy. It's difficult to understand what was real and what wasn't.
I passed out after I fell and that's all I can remember. I woke up in a strange bedroom with an older lady looking after me. She said her name was Judith and that I had already been in hospital. She said she would take care of me from now on and I had nothing to worry about.

All I cared about was Niall.

I kept asking for him, screaming out his name in the middle of the night but no one would tell me what happened to him.

In the end she called Jeremy.

He came to see me and told me what happened.
He told me Niall was dead.
He said it was the fire but I knew that was a lie. We both escaped that night so there's no way Niall would have gone back inside that building.
Jeremy was a liar and I know he kept the truth from me. It was his final punishment to us both and I won't rest until I prove it...

I was forced to stay with Judith, the lady who took care of me after the fire. I had nowhere else to go and realised I had to take care of myself if I wanted to go out into the world and find Niall.
It turned out Judith used to foster children but had retired several years before. She thought she was helping Jeremy by offering me a home when my foster one burnt down. She had no idea who Niall was and believed everything Jeremy told her about my best friend who had perished in the fire.

I met Ellen as soon as I turned eighteen. I needed a part time job and she took me on as her baby-sitter when Judith recommended me. She was a single mother and ten years older than myself, struggling to look after her two children and work at the same time.
Judith turned out to be a kind woman and was honest with me from the start. She gave me my aunt's will when I turned eighteen and I found out she had left me some money. I was sure Jeremy intended to keep it for himself and will always be grateful she was honest with me.
My auntie had left me enough to buy a small house for myself and Ellen was a great help when it came to the financial side of anything. I didn't know a thing about money and still don't if I'm being truthful with myself.
I continued to take care of her children and still remain close with them. My house isn't too far from Ellen's and she makes sure we keep in touch. There's been several times when I've tried to push her away but she wouldn't let me. She's a great friend and I owe her a lot.

Jeremy's marriage broke down a couple of months after their house burnt to the ground and I'm glad to say I no longer have to see him.

I just know he was the one behind best friend's disappearance that night and I won't rest until I find out what happened to Niall.

I swear I'll find out the truth.

I will find him...