Monstrous Love

Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

"What made you decide to make an appointment with me today?" My therapist asks.

Her name is Nancy but I'm not sure how old she is. I guess she's around Ellen's age but I can't be certain.

"It was my friend who suggested it at first." I explain, fiddling with my crumpled tissue in my hand. "But then I felt it was the right time to come and see you."

"And how have you been feeling?" She enquires, awaiting my response.

"Numb." I admit, exhaling slowly. "Always numb."

"Do you wish you felt something different?" She probes.

"Sometimes I do but there are also times when I'm glad I don't feel anything."

"Any nightmares or trouble sleeping?"

"I fall asleep quite easily. I actually look forward to it because it means I get some peace up here."

I tap my head, wondering when I'll start to make sense of it all or if it's even possible.

"Is it still flashbacks which trouble you?"

"Everything about that night... I can't forget it because I still don't know what happened."

"Have you ever thought about looking for him again?" She asks me, staring at the tissue I've now torn to shreds on my lap.

"I've searched for ten years." I remind her, growing more and more frustrated. "It's like he vanished into thin air."

"I'm talking about a private investigator. Someone who could look for him on your behalf."

"I tried that five years ago and he couldn't find anything on Niall. It's like he never existed."

"What about the police? Have you contacted them?"

"Ellen has a younger brother and he's a policeman. He made some enquires a while back but couldn't find anything either. It's hopeless."

"Ellen is the friend who advised you to come and see me?"

"That's right." I clarify.

"What about your foster parent?"

"Jeremy?" I scoff, rolling my eyes. "He's a born liar. He'd never tell me the truth."

"I mean the woman who looked after you. The one you're still in touch with."

"Judith? She doesn't know anything." I reply flatly.

"Maybe she does know something. Why don't you try asking her?"

"I'll try again but I know she doesn't have the answers."

Leaving my therapist's office that afternoon, I start to consider what she said about Judith. Could she know more than she's letting on? Has she been lying to me all this time or am I reading into things? Has my desperation to find Niall caused me to go mad?

I phone her later on that night and ask if I can visit her the next day. She sounds pleased by my phone call and I can only pray she'll provide me with the answers that I need.

I wake up with a knot in my stomach, unable to eat or face my morning coffee. I know my entire future depends on today and have no idea what I'll do if Judith can't help me.

This is my last chance.

"Eve, it's so nice to see you." She says warmly, opening her arms towards me.

"You too, Judith."

"I have to admit I was a little surprised when you called me so late last night. Is there something wrong?"