Monstrous Love

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

Sunlight streams in through the bedroom window, waking me from sleep. I roll over in bed, shielding my eyes with my hands. I have no idea what time it is and glance at the alarm clock beside my bed.

Ten o'clock.

I figure Ellen must be up and about by now so decide to make my way downstairs, needing confirmation that last night was real.

"Morning." She greets me warmly, pouring some coffee.

"You should have woke me." I yawn, taking a seat at the kitchen table.

"I didn't want to. You were so tired last night."

"Did you sleep ok?" I ask, worrying that our late night kept her awake.

"Not really. I couldn't stop worrying about you."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise." She says kindly. "Just tell me what your plan is."

"I have no idea." I sigh, raking my fingers through my tussled hair. "I know I need to talk to him I just don't know how to approach it."

"You were best friends once. How would you have dealt with it back then?"

"Things were different before. We're grown-ups now."

"He's certainly grown up." She smirks, her eyes gleaming with mischief.

"I can't believe he's twenty-eight." I smile, trying to hide my embarrassment. "It just doesn't seem real."

"He's a grown man now and you're a grown woman. It's time you both decide on the future that you want for yourselves."

"And what if his future doesn't include me?" I challenge her, terrified this might actually be the case.

"Then at least you will know."

I head home after dinner, wondering what on earth I can do with the rest of my day.

My thoughts keep on swirling, battling between what I want and what I'm afraid of.

What if he's moved on?

What if he doesn't want to know me?

What if he's changed?

I was the centre of his universe ten years ago but what if he hasn't given me a second thought since then?

What if he turns me away?

What will I do then?

The next few days are excruciating.

I can't eat, sleep, function or even think logically.

Ellen tries her best but she works throughout the week and has the girls to take care of. I really don't want to be a burden and put more strain on our friendship.

I've spent a lot of time staring at my own reflection, tracing the dark circles underneath my eyes. Niall is breathtakingly beautiful and I'm... well, I'm just not.

I know I'm not exactly unattractive but I'm definitely not in the same league as him. I hate myself for being so vain and scrutinising my appearance but I can't help it.

I want him to notice me.

I want him to want me.

I've spent the past ten years of my life aching for this man, is it so wrong that I want him to feel the same way about me?