Eight Dollars (Trixya)

Dollar 3

Trixie sat on a chair just on the side of the stage, right in front of where I was stood with Kyle and Amy who had insisted on coming right to the front to watch with me. The chunky prop phone was next to her, ready for her performance to begin as the lights shifted to a pink hue.

The soundtrack started, and she lip synced, waving her hand with her usual dramatic flair. When the music for Ke$ha's Blah Blah Blah kicked in, followed by a whoop from the crowd, she began to perform the choreography I'd seen her running over in the dressing room earlier. It looked completely different to how it had then, something in the stage lights and the crowded room fuelling Trixie's performance.

She sashayed from one side of the stage to the other, taking tips from the outstretched hands. I held out the money I'd retrieved from my pocket, as Kyle did the same next to me. Fucking Kyle, this was my thing. Trixie took the tips with a smile and a laughing wink at Kyle. I sucked my cheeks in, feeling slightly pissed off, even though I knew deep down it was really none of my business. So what if Trixie wanted to fuck her tour manager? She could and that would be fine. Totally.

Turning to look at Amy, hoping to find some sympathy, I saw her giving Kyle a look that said that they both knew something I didn't. Maybe at some point I would ask then what it was, but right then the music was booming and Trixie was still performing.

Deciding to ignore them both, I turned my attention back to the stage, not fully able to focus on Trixie as what I'd just watched happen kept running itself over in my mind. I wasn't sure how to feel about what felt almost like proof of my new fear - that maybe I wasn't good enough for Trixie, and I would have to watch as she found the person who was. I was praying to be wrong, but my mind always had had a tendancy to side with the negative, and this occasion was no different.

Half resigned to my fate, I tried to smile as Trixie came to the end of her performance, striking one last pose with a wink in my direction, throwing my previous train of thought down the drain and setting me on a new spiral of questioning that I knew I wouldn't find answers for.