I'd Lie

Chapter 4: I lied

It's our class again in Psych, and the presenters were to report about love. I sat quietly in my seat beside Dec. I looked around looking for will who was apparently sitting at the far end of the room. Suddenly, Dec softly hit me with his elbow.

"Pay attention, you. It's a good topic."

I sat up and adjusted to make myself comfortable, took me a while to do so. I looked at Dec who was amused watching me.

The topic presenters started off with a question, "What is LOVE?"

I looked at Dec who was oblivious of my gesture. Or so I thought.

Love is, as defined, a strong positive emotion of regard and affection and is apparently a score of zero in tennis or squash. That bit made the entire class laugh. They continued with the different types of love.

There was Philautia or love of the self, Pragma or longstandinglove, Agape or love for everyone, Ludus or playful love, Philia or deepfriendship, and lastly Eros, or sexual passion.

This made me wonder what I truly feel about Dec, whether it was brotherly love, unconditional love, or erotic love. I felt blood rush through from my body to me face. I dug my head in my hands which caught Dec's attention.

"Are you alright, Ant?" He asked as he put his hand over my shoulder.

I jumped at the touch and straightened myself up. "Of course," I said startled. I looked at him, and then looked away. "Why wouldn't I be a-alright?"

"You're not. I can tell." As soon as Dec said that, I looked at him. He looked genuinely concerned.

"I truly am, Dec." I said. I patted Dec and went on listening to the report. So did Dec.

What AM I truly feeling? Why can't I get a grip of this situation?

After the presentation, we applauded at the reporters, signalling the end of the class. I realized, today was Friday. I looked at Dec and asked, "What do you want to do? The professor in my next class is out of town, so we won't be meeting. Any plans?"

"Actually, I do." He said. "Come with me."

He brought me to the library, in the History section. It was quest as usual; we were the only ones there. We looked for a place to sit.

"What are we doing here?" I asked. "Read?"

"Ant, I have to tell you something." Dec started. "Yesterday, we didn't have any class together. I was bored and did my research about our report."

"That's amazing, man! What did you find out?"

"Just the ones you asked me to search, signs when someone is lying. And I thought you were lying back there in class." He said sadly to me.

I felt broken, he did too. I didn't mean to lie to him. He must have felt he wasn't good enough of a friend.

"Oh Dec. I'm sorry I lied to you." I said as tears start to form. "I didn't mean to, I was just wasn't sure of everything."

"I have my final question now." He said. I remembered about the question. The ones he asked before. "Do you love me?" Dec asked me.

"Do I w-what?" I cleared my throat. "What are you talking about man?" I said as I hid my face with one hand and looked around. I couldn't stay put. I was nervous as hell. My heart was beating trying to escape my chest. Then I looked at Dec.

I couldn't draw his face. He was hurt I could tell. But it seems to be more than just hurt. There must have been something bothering him.

"Hey, what's wrong Dec?" I asked him.

"Ant, all my life, people have been wrong to me. My friends in elementary hurts me, tells me stuff. Some even physically abuse me. I'm small as you can see." He says as tears fall from his face. "You know what's worse? When the ones I love hurt me most." He stops then looked at me with his beautiful tear filled eyes. "It hurts most when they lie to me."

"Oh Dec..." I said but was interrupted.

"I know you are lying Ant, I know. I read all the signs."

"I just don't understand my feelings Dec." I told him.

"So you lied? You can tell me about it."

"What is it to you, eh? Why must you know?" I snapped.

"Because, I love you! You've been good to me ever since I got here. I know it's too soon but the report a while ago made it clear. My love for you isn't just one of those. Not a playful love, not erotic love, not just mature love. But, everyone of those in one." He sobs.

"The moment I met you, I wanted nothing but more time with you. But you lied to me. Just everyone else did." Dec got up and walked away, leaving me helpless in the room, alone.

I couldn't help but cry. What have I done? Why couldn't I just tell the truth?