I'd Lie

Chapter 5: Where are you?

Over the weekends, I stay in my pad. I did nothing but think about what happened in the library. I spent most of my thoughts about what Dec told me, what Dec confessed. I ate, when I was hungry. I went to the bathroom, when I needed to go. I slept when I feel tired. But, ultimately, I end up still thinking. Every time I do, I couldn’t help but cry my heart out. I did that the entire weekend, Saturday and Sunday.

I kept checking on my phone, hoping a message from Dec. I got his number after class the first time we met. I wanted to send him messages as well. A “sorry”, “Please forgive me”, “tell me what can I do, to make it up to you.” But I’m guessing he’d had enough of those, as well. I delete my drafts, thinking they were useless. Dec wouldn’t read them anyways, I thought.

By Sunday evening, I decided not to cry myself to sleep. It was going to be Monday tomorrow, and I have Psych class. I decided to find Dec and explain. In a way he’ll understand that he’s much more than a friend to me, and that I will be different from those he met before. That I will be honest with him, and that I will never hurt him.

In the morning, I did my morning routine and went to school. I haven’t seen Dec around. I hope he’ll be in around in our Psych class.  But as soon as I got inside the room, there was no Dec. I looked around maybe he was sitting elsewhere, but he was not.

The bell rang signalling the start of class. Dr. Vidia checked the attendance, but Dec wasn’t still there. Then the reporting began. I hadn’t paid my full attention to the report. My mind was off wandering where Dec was, what happened to him.

The class ended then I went to my next class. After that, I frantically searched for Dec. I searched the places I told Dec in the campus. But he was nowhere to be found. I tried calling his mobile, no answer. I got worried.

The next day, there were still no signs of Dec. I finally went over to his place. I rang, but there was no answer. I kept ringing until someone opened the door. I hoped it was Dec, but it wasn’t. It was an old lady.

“Good afternoon, young man. Who are you looking for?” she asked.

“Good afternoon, ma’am. I am Anthony, and I’m looking for Declan Donnelly. I’m a friend of his. Is he around?”

“Sorry Anthony, haven’t you heard? He went to the hospital. Well, I brought him there.”

“What?!” I exclaimed. “Why? What happened to him? How long has he been there?” I asked as tears form. I tried my best to keep them in.

“He hasn’t been well since Saturday. I saw him crying back home Friday night. I wondered what happened.” She answered.

“When will he be back though?”

“I don’t know, dear. I believe he’ll be back soon. He was just feeling sickly.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” I said as I walked back home. I thought I could fight it, but I couldn’t. Tears came at the sudden realization that I did this to Dec.

I ran fast back home. As soon as I got in, I threw my back and shoes and went straight to my bed. Then it began. I thought my tear sacs would have been empty by now. I cried. I curled up. My knees close to my chest as I wrapped my arms around my legs.

I couldn’t help myself but say, “Dec, I’m sorry.” I continued sobbing. “If only I would’ve acted differently then. If only I would’ve said the things you needed to hear from me badly. If only I wouldn’t given you what you wanted to have.” All of this if only’s made me even cry harder.

I didn’t know how much time have passed. By the time I looked at the clock it was nearly midnight. I wasn’t hungry or anything. So, I slept with the thoughts of my lies, secrets and hurting Dec.

I woke up the next day realizing I have Psych today. I hope I see Dec now. There’s so much I want to say to him and how much I wanted him.

It was time for Psych class again. To my surprise, I saw Dec. He saw me, but turned away.  He was sitting beside my chair. I smiled sadly. I went over and sat.

“Hey,” I started.

He didn’t reply. After what happened, I expected him not to. But I know he wanted to make us work, be friends again at least. I mean, I hoped so or else, he wouldn’t be sitting right next to me. Or maybe he just couldn’t find an extra seat or take someone else’s seat. My thoughts kept wandering off to different situations but they were interrupted by the sound of applause. The report has ended; I had not been listening the entire time.

“Good by class, see you again this Friday,” Dr. Vidia said to the class. Dec stood up and walked to the door. I immediately went after him.

“Dec, please wait.” I told Dec as I got hold of his arm. “I have something to say.”  “Don’t you have your next class to attend to?” He said with a blank expression, but I saw the sadness behind it. I guess I have been paying much more of the attention to Dec than the class.

“Yes, I have but I will not be going,” I said, “this is more important.”