The Preacher's Girl

Chapter 5

Dear, Rolland Marks
Maybe one day when I fully trust you I will tell you my name and whether the one I gave is fake or not, that is for you to decide. 
I am sorry that your father was not happy with the way God made you, I can ensure you that I know the feeling. My father was beyond enraged when I told him that I like women. He still has not looked at me the same way since, but I pray that one day he will get off his high horse and realise that the lord just wants me to be happy and live an honest and true life, and does not care who I love or what gender they are. The only thing that matters is that I love them and stay true to myself.
Once my mother and I got home we saw that our new neighbours were moving in, so my mother suggested that I offer to help them unpack while she made some refreshments for them and being the good Christian girl I was I did just that. I walked over to the house and was immediately greeted by Alex’s parents. “Hello, I’m Andy Martin and this is my wife,” He smiled pointing to his wife, “Alice Martin.” “It’s very nice to meet you,” I smiled. “I’m Charlotte Adamson. My family and I live next door.” The Martins both smiled at me as we made some small talk. “Allow me to help you unpack,” I suggested. “Are you sure?” Mrs. Martin asked. “Yes I am very sure. Why don’t you two go into my house and rest for a while, my mother has just made some refreshments.” They both smiled and thanked me, but before they left they shouted, “Alexandria we are just going next door if you need us”.
Moments later Alex walked out of the house and greeted me with a smile. “You must be Alexandria?” and at that Alex replied, “Please don’t call me Alexandria it’s far too formal, I prefer Alex”. “You must be Charlotte,” She smiled and at the look of confusion on my face added, “I saw your speech at school and the pastor said your name.” “Oh” I smiled, “you saw that?” “Yeah and I thought it was completely badass, you showed that pastor who was boss” Alex laughed. “That pastor is actually my father,” I blushed. “So you’re the preacher’s girl? Charlie the preacher’s girl, it has a ring to it”. “It really doesn’t but I do sort of like it, so can I help you bring in your boxes?”
Alex smiled at me, and slowly walked around me grabbing one of the boxes. I could feel her breath on my neck and even though I’m or should I say was a person who cared very much about personal space did not move or mind one bit. “Can you grab the last box please, and just follow me to my room.”
Alex’s room was not what I expected it to be; her room was different from any other room I had ever seen. It was the opposite of my room which was plain and dull, with all of my items neatly arranged, whereas Alex’s was painted a vibrant blue, with all her stuff just thrown wherever it fit. “Sorry for the mess, I’m still decorating.” Alex and I both put the boxes down on the floor, then Alex grabbed my hand and directed me over to her bed. “Go on and sit I promise it doesn’t bite,” Alex laughed.
“What now?” I asked. “Tell me something about yourself. Who are you beside the rebellious preacher’s girl? What haven’t you done? What have you done? Who are you?” Alex always had this way of making you really think about stuff that you should know like the back of your hand. “I’m eighteen years old,” that’s when Alex interrupted me by putting her finger on my lips to shut me up. “Don’t tell me something obvious; tell me something you have never told anyone before. Tell me something that can be our little secret.” “But I’ve only met you,” I protested. “That’s what makes it so great. We hardly know each other and who knows maybe this will be the last time we ever speak, but if it is the last time we will both leave knowing something that no one else knows. We’ll be a part of the others life no matter what.” With much protest on my part and much nudging on Alex’s, I finally gave in. “Okay here it goes,” I gulped. “I’ve never been in love, at least I don’t think I have. I mean I have been with my boyfriend for two years and I’ve never had that feeling that everyone associates love with” Alex starred at me for a while as if studying whether or not I was telling the truth. “I know the feeling you are talking about,” She smiled sadly. “Why stay with your boyfriend if you don’t love him? Do you not want to feel what love feels like? Because if you do you should end it, or you’re only lying to him and yourself.” “I don’t want to hurt him. We’ve been friends since we were three and if I told him that I don’t love him and never have then it would break him. I think I only got with him in the first place because my dad kept nudging me towards him, kept saying how perfect we are for each other.” Alex put her arm around me and held me for a long time. “If you want I can help you end it with him, or I can just be here for you when you do, it’s up to you.” 
“Okay enough of all this heart to heart nonsense, it’s your turn to tell me your secret,” I smiled. “Okay well technically I haven’t told anyone in America this, the only people that know are my friends in Australia.” I waited impatiently for the secret, then she finally said it. “I like girls.”
I starred at Alex, unsure what I should say. I had no problem with people that liked the same sex, I was just shocked. “So your parents don’t know?” I finally said. “No they don’t and I would like to keep it that way until I find the perfect time to tell them. I was going to tell them in Sydney but then we moved to a gay hating community,” She sighed. “Not everyone here hates the LGBTQ community.” Alex smirked and looked directly into my eyes, “Your father is the leader of the hate talks.” “That doesn’t mean that I agree with what he preaches. I don’t care who a person loves as long as they love them. I believe that the lord makes us the way he wants us to be, I don’t believe it is a sin to love someone of the same sex.” “Wow the preacher girl has some very good points, some points that she should follow though is to find someone that she loves, someone who she can hold tight to and never let go.” “It’s easier said than done.” “Maybe so but still you owe it to him and yourself to be true to your feelings, who’s your boyfriend anyway?” Alex asked curiously. “Jessie Morgan, he was the tall guy beside me in the assembly.” Alex bit her lip, which I later learned was a nervous reaction of hers. “What?” I asked confused. Why does she look so worried I thought? “Charlie there is no easy way to say this but I saw your boyfriend and that girl that followed after him kissing.”
I jumped back in anger, which I soon took out on Alex. “You’re lying,” I screamed pacing the room though in reality I suspected it, I just didn’t want to believe it, and in that moment hearing the truth aloud I cracked. “Martha wouldn’t do that to me, she’s my best friend, she just followed Jessie to calm him down because he was angry at me, she would never kiss him. Never.” “Charlie I am just telling you what I saw. I saw them go into the janitors closet and when they came out your friend’s lipstick was smudged and your boyfriend’s lips had her shade of lipstick on them. I’m sorry,” Alex tried to calm me down but I was far too angry to listen. “So you didn’t even see them kiss? You just saw smudged lipstick? That could have been my lipstick on him, you don’t know anything. You’re just jealous that I have someone who loves me, that I have a love that the church will respect unlike you,” I shrieked, tears running down my face. The moment I said that I knew it was wrong, I was just so angry and hurt, Jessie and Martha were supposed to have been my best friends, they weren’t supposed to hurt me like this but that’s exactly what they did. They hurt me. And I took it out on Alex who was only trying to calm me down and lookout for me even though I only met her. “Do you know what, get out of my house. I don’t have to sit here and listen to you being a grade A bitch. Come back when you are ready to apologize, or just don’t come back it really doesn’t bother me one bit.”
I turned around to leave when I heard Alex whisper, “Goodbye preacher’s girl it was nice knowing you.” For some reason that really hurt, I think it was because I knew what I had to do if I ever wanted to talk to Alex again, and so did Alex but I don’t think she thought I would ever be willing to do it.
At home was not much better than my argument with Alex and as soon as I walked through the front door and Alex’s parents left another argument commenced. My father eyed me angrily, I could almost see the steam come out of his ears. “How could you disrespect me like that in front of all your classmates and teachers, I raised you better than that Charlotte.” “You raised me to speak my mind, how is it any different where I speak my mind and who hears it?” I calmly asked which took a lot of self-control. “It matters because you are my daughter and you are speaking against everything I preach. Everything I stand for.” he said it in such a condescending way that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. “Well maybe you need to change your believes father, and start excepting people for who they are. Does God really care who we love? Is it not more important that we love?” That’s when I stepped in it and said, “Would you really not love me if I was a lesbian?” “Of course I wouldn’t,” he screamed. “It’s disgusting and if you were a lesbian you would not be living under my roof. I would be ashamed of you and if you were you would be ashamed of yourself as anyone who is should be,” he said coldly.  At that I did not respond, I mean how could I? What could I have possibly said to that? So instead of responding I ran up to my room slamming the door behind me.

I know that this letter does not answer all of your questions but I assure you that they will be answered in the near future.

Sincerely, The Preacher’s Girl