The Adventures of the HMS Harlot

Part 6: Eldon Bridges, Cabin Boy

What's great about a battering ram: it has wheels

What sucks about a battering ram: when its wheel breaks

Connor and I were assigned the job of stealing the rig from the weapons factory. It seemed simple enough. As long as the wheels weren't too squeaky and we could keep quiet, we'd just have to roll our way to The Harlot. And the job really was simple at first. Connor was pretty familiar with the layout of a Union factory and right away led us down an aisle. He told me how at least one ram is always left near the front of a factory in case anyone tries to barricade the joint in a surprise attack. And damn he was right, we found the thing in the front left corner of the building.

Connor continues to impress me. I still owe him for saving me back in that colony, and now he's an expert in covert ops. His skills are why I almost feel bad for what happened next. I say almost because it was kind of fun.

We started to wheel the gate breaker toward the entrance and after only 20 meters or so, the front right wheel snapped. We froze to make sure nobody heard it. After standing still for an uncomfortably long time, I walked over and tried to lift the front end up. I'm ashamed to say I failed. Connor motioned for me to step aside, squatted down, and gave it the old backwards lift. He made quite the groan too but tried his best to hide the discomfort he felt. Connor started moving one step at a time and I went to the back to help. Trouble was, my pushing bumped the ram into Connor and made him drop the door crusher. We again froze for an awkward amount of time before Connor continued.

"We'd better move. Someone's got to be close by," warned Connor.

"Aye, aye Temp!" I proclaimed.

I knew I had to be on high alert, which is why I jumped on the back of the battering ram and readied my slingshot. The battering ram was my chariot, Connor my steed.

After flashing a quick stink eye, Connor continued down the hallway. Deep down I think he was having fun. Besides, it was for the best of the crew.

I pivoted back and forth, waiting to take out the eye of any mosquito that came around the corner. We moved at a snail's pace, so I was ready to fire at first sight. Unfortunately, we were so close to the entrance that we made it out of the factory just in time to hear an alarm go off inside. Connor ordered me to stay on the Harlot, as he waited by the entrance to help the others board. The Captain, Witherford, and Ethel came literally barreling toward the ship while I watched from the deck.

I didn't even get to use the new Philippines Seymour gave me.

Eldon Bridges