Bob, For No Good Reason

Why Bob, Why?

Upon deep reflection of Bob & his insane shenanigans I think of many nonsensical moments of random violence, irony, & misogyny. Bob is an acquired taste I'd say. But how does one acquire such a taste I wonder? Thinking back as I speak, I must say I really don't know? Is it that deep down inside us all we each have a 'bob', a secret part of us fed up with the farcical world around us? A part of us that screams out like the psyche's Popeye the sailor man & says: "That's it, that's all I can take & I simply just can't take not one tiny bit more!" I'm not sure, I mean I'd love to think that we are evolved as a human race to subdue these primal urges to behave as animals, & simply pacify the base desires of sustaining our mere existence. We have risen above the 'hunter gather' mentality & can decide for ourselves whats right, whats inherently evil, based upon complex moral & ethical boundaries carefully constructed by an intricate society of critical thinking beings that establish the difference between psychosocial norms & deviant subversive, antisocial subcultures. Or maybe I'm just delusional & full of shit. I do recall Bob & I once had a heated discussion on this very subject. If I remember correctly Bob & I were headed to a strip club early one morning. I know, I know, your thinking, "Who the hell goes to a strip club 'early in the morning'? Who the hell has a discussion like this in a damn strip club in the first place?" Well to quote Bob,"there's just no better way to start the day than with titties in your face". No matter how hard I tried to argue with his logic, I always seemed to come up short & end up with a pair of 38 double D's in my face, so score one for Bob in the debate column. So here we are enjoying some waffles & titties, because I don't really know why but titties really aren't as good without waffles, & waffles really just aren't the same without titties. Maybe it's cause most people prefer sex in the morning & breakfast foods kinda put you in the appropriate atmosphere for titties, & vice versa. Again I'm not 100% sure as to why I'm always craving waffles every time I hit a strip club but I'm never the only guy there eating the damn things so stop judging me dammit . Anyway so here Bob and I are enjoying our breakfast when Sapphire takes the stage. Let me give you some background on Sapphire. Sapphire is one of the rare strippers that has the natural uncanny ability to preform sexually hypnotic movements effortlessly & yet gracefully. Oh, don't let me forget to mention her tatas. Imagine clouds of the creamiest whipped cream topped with the most delicate & cute little Hersey kiss shaped, cherry colored nipples gently poking straight up like the most delicious cupcakes you've ever seen in life. So Bob noticed that Sapphire was performing exceptionally well & commented as such with a loud but slow lingering grunt as she bent over showing us the money shot, & shook & shimmied her little booty right in front of us. I replied to Bob's astute observation with a curious, inquisitive expression on my face while sucking air through my teeth loudly as I tilted my head down wards & to the side to see every inch of her bent over body. This heated discourse continued throughout Sapphire's entire routine. Neither of us won the debate but we really weren't arguing opposing perspectives, we were mostly debating the degree in which we agreed with one another. After finishing our breakfast we proceeded to leave the strip club still adamantly quarreling over the specifics of exactly what there was to appreciate most about Sapphire's performance. Her tight yet ample booty or her delightfully delicious titties, or some combination of the two. We slowly began using more English words & fewer grunts & non verbal cues as her naked body drifted further & further out of sight behind us. As we exited the establishment, still engrossed in our contentious deliberation, a clumsy individual rudely stepped on Bob's shoe without as much as a "oh sorry bud" or a "my bad bro". So Bob brandished a pair of nunchucks, & proceeded whoop the rude mans ass with a vicious tenacity like I've never seen before. In Bob's defense the rude man offered nothing, nada, not even a shrugged shoulder to symbolize an "ops". Bob continued beating his ass to an audience, as patrons of the strip club began to enjoy their waffles to the event. Strippers even began to dance to the rhythm of: wham, "Oh god please stop", pow, "please somebody help" bash, "oh god I have a family". But Bob proceeded to kick off in his ass despite his pleadings. Soon Bob was too tired to continue, he slumped over in an exhaustion induced stupor & spat on the guy's jittery but lifeless body before falling completely over & ex hailing with contentment. so I asked: "why Bob why?" To which he replied, "eh no good reason".
The End