Party Boy

Fighting and Flattery

After letting Nico know where I would be, I sat with Lila and Lyn at lunch for what felt like the first time in forever. They caught me up on everything I had missed: they both went to another party, Lyn and her boyfriend had broken up and gotten back together, and a few other "interesting" details of their life I didn't care enough about to really listen to. My mind began to wander to Nico. Our conversations were always so much more meaningful than any I had ever had with Lyn and Lila. Somehow, even when I talked with Nico about silly, meaningless things, the conversation was more captivating than conversations with anyone else. I thought back to what Anthony said the other day, that Nico was boring. He wasn't. He was the most interesting person I'd ever met.

Lyn addressed me, "Ava, you've been spending a whole lot of time with whatever-his-name-is. Are you two a thing yet?"

"No. He's a friend and nothing more," I explained in exasperation. I was irritated not only by her assumption that spending time with him must mean we're going to be a "thing," but also by the way she talked about him. "Whatever-his-name-is." I don't know why it bugged me so much. He deserved to be recognized as more than "whatever-his-name-is."

"What's taking so long? Is he shy? This isn't the 1800s; you don't have to wait for him to ask you out. Just go for it if you like him."

I don't like him though. Not in that way. I just want to be friends."

"Look, you can't let what happened with Vince-"

"It's not because of Vincent," I said, a little too heatedly.

Lila took my hand in hers in a soothing manner. "Ava, whether it's because of him or not, you don't need to be scared. You can get any guy you want. Just go for it."

I tried to hide my frustration. They didn't understand and it was driving me crazy. "Thanks, but I'm not scared and I don't want to get him. People aren't just property."

Lila frowned. "I didn't mean it like that. I just want you to be happy." I felt bad for snapping at her, but I couldn't stand the way they assumed I needed or wanted to be in a relationship.

"I'm happy right now. Without a relationship," I snapped. My tone was not reflecting the happiness I spoke of.

Lyn looked me in the eyes. "Why are you spending so much time with this guy then? If you're perfectly happy without a boy."

I closed my eyes for a few seconds to compose myself. When I opened them, I answered, "I like spending time with him. Because he's my friend."

"Why won't you just admit you like him?"

"I don't!" I yelled, collecting all of my belongings and standing up.

"Ava, where are you going?" Lila asked.

"To sit with my friend who doesn't insist I must be interested in him romantically when I've made it clear I'm not."

"Ava, stop it. You're never like this," said Lyn. I might have listened to her if I heard pleading in her voice, but instead I only heard annoyance. She wasn't worried about me, she was merely bothered that I wasn't being calm and complacent, nor heeding every word she and Lila said, like usual. I stomped away without another word.

My frustration was heightened when I felt tears beginning to form. I blinked them away and headed toward Nico. I slammed my things down and slumped into my usual seat. I regretted the dramatics later, but it felt necessary in the moment.

What's wrong?" inquired Nico. His face was etched with concern.

I desperately wanted to pour out all my feelings to him, but I was afraid my tears would pour out along with them. I was also afraid of what he would think about the pieces that involved him. What if he thought they were right about me liking him? What if he liked me and would be offended when I said I didn't like him? I knew somewhere in my head that neither of those things were likely, but as always, my thoughts were overwhelmed with fears and wouldn't listen to logic. Yet somehow, despite most all of me warning against it, a small part of me was saying I should tell him. So I did.

"I was sitting with Lila and Lyn and it was just really boring because honestly I hate to say it but they're shallow and I didn't even realize how much so until I started talking to you and they're convinced I like you but they're wrong and even though I tell them that they insist that I do and they can't wrap their minds around being friends with someone of the opposite gender without being attracted to that person and it's just really frustrating and I yelled at them and left and I never do that and they probably think I'm mad at them which I am but I don't want them to think that because then they'll be mad at me and I'm scared I'm going to lose their friendship because I'm just realizing that we don't have anything in common and the only things they care about are boys and parties and maybe shopping and I don't think I can do it anymore," I confessed at a speed with a lack of pauses that most likely made my rant incomprehensible.

I was shocked when he did not tell me to calm down or slow down. The few times I ranted like that to Lila and Lyn, that's what they told me, causing me to feel like they didn't care and leaving me to give them a "never mind, don't worry about it." Instead, he said, "I understand. It's stupid that a girl and a guy can't be friends without everyone assuming they must like each other. And I'm sorry about your friends. I hope whatever happens you'll be happy with it."

I didn't know how to reply. I shouldn't have been surprised by his reaction with how considerate and understanding he always was, but I'd never had anyone give me such a comforting response to my complaining. "Thank you," I said.

"For what?" he wondered.

"For listening and understanding and comforting me."

"I couldn't imagine doing anything else."

I shrugged. "Lila and Lyn are the only people I talk to and they never seem like they want to listen to my stupid problems. And when I do break down and discuss my emotions with them they don't get it. They kind of just tell me to chill out and then they move on to something else." I started to rush my words as I apologized. "And I'm sorry for dumping all of that onto you but if I don't talk about my feelings I feel like I'm going to explode. Usually I just end up writing everything down in my journal but telling an actual person is so much better."

He smiled lightly. "There's no need to apologize. I'm glad to be here for you. You said that I can talk to you about anything and the same goes for you to me."

"I just feel bad because-"

"You feel bad because you have social anxiety and you always worry that you're a bother to people because of it. You don't have to though. At least not with me."

He was beyond right. "How do you know that?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. He seemed to do that whenever he was nervous or embarrassed. "I did some research when you told me about it." For some reason I was flattered. I must not have appeared so, for he quickly followed up with, "I'm sorry if that was rude or something, I just wanted to know more about it and what it meant for you."

"It's not rude at all. It's nice that you care."

"How could I not?"

My heart jumped with an emotion I couldn't place. Surprise, maybe? Something more than that. This feeling was foreign, yet not unpleasant. I felt... loved. Important. I must have felt these things before. My mom loves me. Lyn and Lila must make me feel important. But... she was my mom. And I couldn't actually think of a specific time my two best friends had made me feel like I mattered. This was new. I didn't know how to react. I cringed internally at the awkward silence that had fallen between us.

Thankfully, he ended the silence. "You're amazing, Ava. Anyone who doesn't recognize that is crazy."

I was at a loss for words. The only thing I could muster was a small "thank you."

"There's nothing to thank me for. I'm just telling the truth."

I smiled gratefully. "I appreciate it."

He looked as if he wanted to say something more, but he didn't. I appreciate you, I thought, and it seemed as though he thought the same thing about me.