Party Boy

Comforting Closeness

I hadn't talked to Lila or Lyn since our argument over Nico. I wasn't ignoring them, they just hadn't sought me out to talk. Maybe they wanted to let me come to them when I was ready. Or maybe they just didn't care for me enough to worry about it. 

I tried not to dwell on it too much, which wasn't too difficult. Nico was a good distraction. He gave me all the attention I wasn't getting from my friends and more. We had begun to hang out outside of school. The autumn weather was perfect for sitting or walking in the park. The time always passed so quickly. We lost ourselves in conversation. We went from talking about what happened at school that day to our favorite movies to childhood memories. Unlike anyone else I ever talked to frequently, (which, admittedly, was not a large selection,) I never got bored. Sometimes, the conversation was so intense, we lost track of time and my legs and feet would ache from walking so long.

On a particularly chilly day, we strayed from the usual paved path to a winding trail lined with trees, hoping they would protect us from the harsh wind. The scenery, albeit simple, was a pleasant change.

Somehow, we reached the topic of relationships. "All of my relationships have ended terribly," Nico told me. He laughed, but I knew he did not find it funny.

"I know how that feels," I admitted. 

"Really? Has everyone who ever dated you done it solely to get to your brother instead of having any real feelings for you?" he said with a smile on his face to mask the bitterness of it.

I was taken aback by how he slipped in something that personal and painful so casually. I felt awful for how I must have sounded insensitive. I dated Vince for two years, but it was good while it lasted, and it kind of made sense why he ended it. Apparently Nico had had his heart broken several times and none of his relationships were legitimate. He had it much, much worse than me. "No. I've only dated one person, and he broke up with me. It took me a long time to get over him," I answered truthfully. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound rude."

"Oh, there's no need to be sorry. You didn't," I assured him. After a moment, I said, "I can't believe anyone could use someone like that, let alone more than one person. That's terrible. You deserve better."

"I can't believe anyone could break up with you." I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. Luckily, if he noticed, I could blame it on the cold. 

I shrugged. "I don't know. He was kind of a jerk."

"Seriously, though, I'm surprised you've only dated one person."

"What do you mean?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "You're nice, you're pretty." I blushed even more. "You seem like the kind of person everyone likes. Not that you go through partners like Anthony does, but I wouldn't guess you would stay single for very long."

I stifled a laugh. "Well, I do stay single for a very long time. I started dating Vincent in seventh grade and we ended in ninth. I haven't had a relationship since then. No one has really been interested in me either. To be fair, though, I only talked to two people. Then three. Now one," I added, shoving my hands deeper in my jacket pockets. 

"You dated him that long?"

"Yeah. He wasn't bad at first. He was actually great. He wasn't bad at all until the very end."

"What happened?"

I didn't respond. It was Nico. I could tell him everything. But not this. Not yet. It was too difficult to talk about. "I'm sorry. I can't talk about it. It's..." I trailed off.

"That's alright; I get it. It's really terrible he did that to you, though. You don't deserve that."

Suddenly, I noticed we were almost touching. Somewhere along the course of our walk we grew closer together. I was sure we both did it subconsciously to be warmer, except that part of wasn't sure. Maybe it was still subconscious, but maybe it was for more than just warmth. For some inexplicable reason, I smiled at this, but it quickly melted in confusion. Why would I be smiling at that? I was glad I was close to him as a friend, but why would I be smiling at being physically close to him? Unless... No. As I made very clear, to Lyn and Lila, we were just friends. I didn't want to be more; he didn't want to be more. Unless, he got closer to me on purpose... No, no, no. We were nothing more than friends and that was that.

I snapped out of it. "And you don't deserve to be used, especially not by someone to get to your douchebag of a brother. Joke's on them, though. I'm sure he only used them. He uses everyone he comes in contact with for his own benefit."

"And then he throws them away. He's just like my dad."

"Yeah. It sort of makes me grateful for not having a dad. It could be a lot worse."

"Your dad died? I'm so sorry. Here I am complaining--"

"Oh, no," I said, feeling embarrassed, "he's alive. He just left before I was even born. He actually contacted me out of the blue a year or two ago. Recently, he invited me to go to his wedding with this random lady. My mom's making me go. I don't want anything to do with him, though. I definitely don't want to go to something that celebrates a commitment he couldn't make to someone he had a child with."

"I know what you mean. I had to go to my dad's third wedding. It was hell, seeing him get married to a woman after he had discarded my mom. I'm sure it's even worse for you."

I sighed. "Oh, well. I've got my mom at least. I can get frustrated with her sometimes, but for the most part she's a good parent."

"I love my mom. Sadly, I only get to see her once a month. Not every month, though, because she has her own family to take care of now. I don't have it as bad as Anthony, though. He was so young when my dad divorced his mom, she thought it would be best to cut him off completely. Sometimes, I feel bad him. I'm sure that's part of why he's so awful. But regardless of why he's the way he is, I doubt he will ever change, and that's no one's fault but his own."

"Hopefully you're wrong," I said. We reached a point in the trail that was closest to the parking lot and I stopped. I would have walked the trail full circle again, but the sky was darkening. Nico stopped as well and faced me. "I should probably be getting home before I miss dinner. Again," I laughed. 

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said with a smile.

I didn't walk away immediately. I didn't know why, but I felt an overwhelming urge to hug him. Would that be weird? I didn't want to do something awkward, but I wanted to hug him, and if I thought about it much longer I knew I would back out. So I went for it. I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a quick squeeze before pulling away and smiling nervously. I didn't give him enough time to hug me back, but it had been nice nonetheless. He was warm and, for lack of a better word, cuddly. Being so close to him made me feel comfortable and safe. His face showed only surprise; I couldn't tell if he enjoyed the hug or not. I hoped he did because I surely wouldn't mind another. I waved goodbye and hurried to my car. As I drove away, I felt conflicted. I was way more happy than I should have been about a little hug. I was acting as if I liked him and it felt so wrong. Nico was my friend and I shouldn't have a crush on him. But talking to him and spending time with him and being close to him felt so right.