Aligned | Finn Hudson

Turning Back Time

It was Sunday evening. I had dyed my hair a white sliver and cut it to a few centimeters below my breasts Thursday. It was a drastic change considering my hair was the length of my hips, but I decided that I wanted change. Everybody at school was shocked, but Finn loved it. He kept calling me his 'Snow Princess' all throughout Friday.

I finished the last one the decorations on the auditorium stage before looking around. To earn my credit, I volunteered to set up the stage early, but also work the livestream too. I adjusted a few pieces of the Christmas tree before hopping off stage and grabbing my things out of the seat. It was about nine o'clock and it was eerily quiet. I was a little terrified of being alone, but not too much. I shivered realizing I had to walk out in the cold with spandex shorts on. I got really sweaty from decorating so I put them on to cool off, and I wasn't really feeling the energy to put my jeans on. I sighed and turned the key into the light switch and flicked the lights off in the auditorium, leaving only a few on. I shut the doors and started heading out to my car.

When I got to the intersection of the four main halls, I passed by A hall and noticed a light was on in one of the rooms. I back tracked myself from walking past it and began slowly walking down the hall. It ended up being the dance room. Not a soul was in here, but the lights were strangely on. I looked around at all the mirrors and stared at the my reflection that did the same back to me. I quietly sat my bag down and walked over to the rack of dresses and tutu's the club owned. I skimmed my hand acrossed the dress and smiled to myself.

Mom enrolled me in ballet when I was eight to help me feel better about myself and how I looked, which by the way, NO eight year old should even be worrying about. I quit when we moved and left it in my old town and haven't brought it back into my knowledge again until now. Only Finn knows I used to do dance because when we were going through my mom's boxes we had a week after she died, he found my old slippers.

I came acrossed a black leotard and a perfectly even tutu that was attached with it. I looked down at my shorts and back at the dress, then pulling it off the rack and going into a small room to change. I could get in trouble by Rachel for this since she runs the club, but something inside me was urging me to. When I came out and looked at myself in the mirror, I could see my younger self staring back at me. Her hair was put it a tiny bun since her has was so thin and her cheeks were glowing with natural blush. I watched as she grabbed onto the bar and pulled herself up to the tips of her toes and grin at her accomplishment.

I then could see my mom sitting in the chair in the corner watching her, smiling and cheering her on.

I watched in awe as little Camila didn't care about anyone else watching. When she danced, she didn't care what the other little girls thought. She'd ignore their childish remakes about her size compared to theirs, how their jaws were straight and hers was round and chubby, or how their eyes were beautiful shades of hazel and blue while hers were plain brown. All she cared about what keeping her pace up and feeling like the princess she dreamed to be.

I finally looked at my own reflection in the mirror and my smile faded. My jawline was straightened because of my weight loss earlier this year, but I still had that chubby look to my body. I could still see my mom through the mirror smiling at me. "Go on, dance baby." I heard her say. Hearing her voice made my blood rush. I grabbed onto the bar and slowly elevated myself to the tip of my toes. I lifted my leg up completely straight and chuckled softly feeling happy I still was flexible. I began to turn and spin around the room, hearing my mom's voice in my head telling me how beautiful I was when I danced. I lifted myself in the air to do a split leap, and I hit it greatly, just shaking a tiny bit, and softly landed on my feet. I looked at myself in the mirror to get satisfaction from mom, but she was gone, and Rachel was there instead.

"Oh God I'm so sorry, I know I should be using your club's costumes." I panicked. "That was beautiful Camila, why did you never tell me you used to do ballet?" She smiled to me, "I just hadn't done it when I moved. It was something for free time and now that I have Hlee, I don't have time for it." "Sure you do!" She exclaimed. I went and took of the tutu and set it back on the rack and turned back to Rachel. "I come here every Sunday in my free time to practice. We dance every Tuesday's and Thursday's. You should join us." Rachel offered excitingly. "You guys are so perfect and tiny. I've shaky just a bit and...you know....not tiny." I tried getting the words out. "That's why we'll help you. This is a judgement free zone." She smiled and rubbed my arm, "And plus this could help you get into NYADA. I continue to do it even though I'm going for a dramatic arts major. I know you always talk about college." She nudged me. "I'll think about it." I smiled to her. Rachel hugged me goodbye before walking out and leaving.

I then thought about the college fund and the drum set. NYADA sounded amazing, but so did making Finn happy. I looked at myself one more time in one of the mirrors and my younger stood there still in her tutu. "Do what feels right." I heard her say before vanishing. I nodded and left the dance room, shutting the door behind me.