Aligned | Finn Hudson

Bursting Bubbles

Come Tuesday, I was starting to feel so much better after trying the medicine Finn picked up for me. All I have to do now is pray that my voice is strong enough for Thursday because my throat is still continuing to be sore.

When I walked into Glee Club, Quinn stood up with Mr. Schuester in front of all of us with a piece of paper in her hands. "What's going on?" I questioned setting my bag down. "Quinn would like to tell you guys so news." He smiled to her and she smiled back. He stepped aside and Quinn opened the paper. "I received a letter from Harvard University, and they'd like me to take my Senior year at the campus and have offered me a scholarship in Sociology afterwards." Her eyes welled with tears. All of us got up screaming because that was her dream school she had been talking about for years. "Did you take it? How did it happen? Holy shit!" Puck exclaimed. "The school's program for college support gave Harvard my files and they were really interested. I leave in June." She smiled.

My eyes started pouring tears as we all got up and crowded around her hugging her and yelling. Quinn was so smart and I had admired her beauty and intelligence. I was so happy for her and couldn't believe it was even possible. It broke my heart knowing that I only had a few days left with her, but I also knew she'd be chasing her dreams as well. All I want is for her to have success just as well as I do for everyone else. Once we settled down and Mr. Schuester had taken role, us girls went to the dance room while the boys stayed in the choir room to rehears. When I was helping Rachel get the mic stands out of the storage closet, I started thinking about NYADA and my future. Dance was an option for me, but it wasn't dead set. To be honest, I'm not even sure if I want to involve dance in my future? If I did have it in my future, where do I lead off? A backup dancer? A ballet teacher? I then looked in the huge mirrors at my body and watched it as I walked. But then, I had the final thought that threw me off:

Does NYADA's dance scholarship even accept plus size girls?

I looked down at my feet and set the stand down. "Hey Rachel, can I ask you a question?" I turned to her. "Yeah, what's up?" She asked as we headed back to the closet to clean up the mess we had made from pulling the stands out. "You know a bunch about NYADA, right?" I knew that was a stupid question in my mind, but I didn't just want to jump right into the subject. "Yep. Anything and everything." She smiled as we started stacking boxes back up. "Has the dance section of the performing arts scholarship ever accepted a plus size girl?" I asked. Rachel stayed silent as she thought to herself. Her face frowned and she tried avoiding eye contact with me as I watched her do the last of the tiny stuff in the closet. "Their policy requires the women and men to be fit so they can meet their requirements. Not saying you're not fit, but if I'm going to be honest. I've never heard of a girl your size in that class." I nodded and forced a smile to try and act like that totally didn't just rip my heart to shreds and burst all my bubbles.

While we practiced, though it was us mostly standing behind the microphone stands, I stared hard at myself in the reflection. When I took our routine steps towards the chairs we had set up where the guys would be, I watched my thighs slightly jiggle under my shorts. A dance class requires everything to be tight and neat, even your body. What good am I going to do in that class? "Stop Camila, you and Finn made a pact to love ourselves more." I screamed in my head. I lifted my chin higher and made myself feel as sexy as I could for the rest of the rehearsal.

Thank god I didn't have to change again when i came time for dance class after school since I decided just to wear my leotard and shorts to practice so all I had to do was put my slippers on. I started to stretch by leaning up against the ballet bar and lifting my leg completely straight up against my body to the air. I turned and saw the other girls doing it without the bar. They could do it because everything was even on them. I needed the bar to keep balance since all my body weight would shift if I tried by myself. I bit my lip and put my leg down, then going to my place and starting practice. In the middle of the routine I had to stop and get some water quickly because I was out of breathe. I went back to my spot and noticed in the mirror the girls behind me were giggling about something. I batted my eyes to different things around the room to get my mind off of it and I felt crushed. I would've been kicked out of the dance section of the program at NYADA if I would've pulled that. How am I going to get into the school if I can't even go fifteen minutes through dance class without needing a pause?

I had no work this afternoon, so I immediately came home to relax. Finn was in a good mood which indicated he had a good run through at his rehearsal, so he offered to make me the one thing he knew how to cook; boxed mac n cheese. I sat at the island in one of the barstools on my laptop quietly watching a video on the NYADA website from the dance class. Every. Single. Girl. Was. Skinny. Not a single thigh jiggled, not another chin appeared when they looked down. I grinded my teeth and looked through the websites description of the dance class;

Throughout your study of dance, you’ll learn about different systems of dance notation, or ways of describing human movement through written symbols and abbreviations. You are sure to encounter labanotation, a notation system that uses symbols to represent the exact positions of each body part. Labanotation can describe any human movement, from large patterns that move the dancer across the floor to the smallest hand gesture. Labanotation will be learned on the performers own body, meaning the body must have a waist between 24in and 28in with 36in hips.

I heard Finn walk up behind me and I slammed my laptop shut. "What was that for?" He asked setting the bowl down snd sitting next to me. "Oh...I was just playing a game and got frustrated.." I sighed mixing the food around. "It's okay. I sometimes throw my Xbox controllers when stuff like that happens." He shrugged. I chuckled and ate quietly with him. How in the world am I going to get into a college with a body like this? I know I could always apply for different colleges, but NYADA was Mom's dream college and I want to go for myself and her. Julie has offered to pay for it, but I want to get in by myself through my own efforts. But what if my efforts aren't enough? What if Finn gets in and I don't? I'll be holding him back from his dreams, and I can't do that.

I looked at Finn silently and I frowned once again. I have big decisions to make I'm not ready for.