to your dreams: (I'm going with they meant like something you want to achieve one day)
be warned this is all over the place
my dreams:
Having been suicidal at one point, and occasionally still today, I know what its like to think I shouldn't think I can achieve my goals. Sometimes my anxiety gets me too worked up over the stupidest things still, it's hard to imagine I can achieve something good one day. But I've been learning. I've learned how to tell myself I can. I have a role model to look up to, I have a support group of friends that tell me I can, my parents and step-parents encourage me without knowing it. I find it hard to believe I can accomplish you one day. But I have moment like this where I have faith. When I pray and I know God answered I know someone is looking out for me. And God has a plan for me. And it does not involve dying while I am a teenager. It involves living my life to the fullest I can, while still fixing these problems I've stumbled across. I've wanted to be a teacher since I was a kid. I wouldn't say I've changed my mind, but I just want to help people. Whether it be teaching, being a therapist, or anything else. I just want to help people. I want to have a family one day, I want to grow up alongside my friends and siblings. I want to see my older cousin get married and be in her wedding. I want to help my younger cousin when she gets older and she starts having boy problems and friendship problems. I am 9 years younger than my older cousin and she has helped me, but she wasn't always there. I am 11 years older than my younger cousin and she would be so confused if she just never saw me again. I want to be there for her. I want to take her shopping and to do fun stuff while her mom and dad are out. I want to giver her all the sugar I shouldn't and then make her promise not to tell Mommy. I want to see my brother first start dating. And then yell at him if his girlfriend doesn't like Harry Potter. At his wedding I want to yell at him saying he isn't allowed to start dating until 35 (that's what our parents tell me) and then he'll tell me that that's only for me. I want to be an amazing Aunt for his kid and then spoil the kid nonstop. I want to need him to cover for me when I'm going out on a date and I don't want to be interrogated. I want him to come drop me off and tell me like 20 times that if my boyfriend is being stupid he'll knock some sense into him. I want to be there for Jittie's first date. I want to help her pick out what to wear and I'll text her every five seconds until Jeff takes my phone and yells at me. I want to reach 100 days clean, then 365, then 500, then like everyday. I want to see Jeff reach 100. And a year. And jittie too. They all need to. I want to see Maggie turn a year older, and I'm going to taunt her because I AM OLDER. I want to hear Char's funny driving stories. I want to complain about school and get angry with my teachers (yes. i have yelled at them) and keep talking about mental illness to my english teacher. I have a life to live. And I will. I will reach my dreams. even the stupid ones. But i will do it. I can tell you that.
from,
payton
