I don't want to lose myself (killua x reader)

The Return

Warning: this will have allot of negativity and don't read if your uncomfortable about fighting and depressed thoughts.

Killua

I watch as Kim strips to her bikini that me make me cringe. I turn away and my mind wander to a certain girl I wouldn't mind seeing in a bikini.

She really does have nice legs...

Finally you admitted it, I was waiting.

Oh god! Shut up. I don't need my thing to get excited again.

"Thing"? I'm offended! It's not his fault (y/n) has perfect legs, an hourglass, a nice ass, nice boobs.

Okay! Enough! I'm not even sure if you're my conscious, or my horny hormones. And where do you get your confidence from!? I can't be in the same room as her without fucking everything up!

Dude! You just gotta show her that you care. Softly massage her boobs. Enjoy them don't just roughly—

Okay! Shut up, not what I wanted to hear!

Kim is wearing a super revealing bathing suit. It's straight up disgusting. Before, I would've just smiled in did her. I can't even stare at her now. She's anything but pure or innocent.

Now (y/n) is she's so pure anyone can see that. Her big innocent eyes. I feel my heart get lighter just thinking about her. The way her hips slight sway side to side without her trying. I take in a deep breath.

"Guys! We gotta be going. School start tomorrow! We have an hour long ride ahead of us. Pack your things!" Melody calls out. I snap out of my thoughts and go to the huge cabin.

Lizzy

My eyes land on a certain cell phone.

Kim's phone.

The phone lights up showing me a text message. I look around before reaching out my hand and reading it.

"We'll have that 500,000 Jenny go into your bank account. Thank you, for finding the girl. She'll need to be taught a lesson."

What girl? Did Kim actually do something good? But what about that last part 'being taught a lesson?' I shake my thoughts away and leave the phone on the bed.

I head to the car that'll drive us back home. Once I get all my belongings in my bag. I skip out of my cabin and into the car. I ignore the terrible feeling in my stomach.

Everyone soon enters the car with their bags. "Why don't we head to my house, (y/n) and I can make cookies for you all." I say with a smile on my face. "I can't wait!" Gon cheers. I giggle at the cuteness of my boyfriend.

I heard a snicker amongst the sounds of agreements. I turn to my head to Kim whom is wearing a smirk on her face.

What does that bitch want? I turn my head away not wanting to spoil my mood because of her face.

~*~*~*~*~

I get out of the car stretching my legs. "I can't wait to see (y/n)!" I squeal. I skip to the door that is slightly open. "Why is the door open?" Gom asks confused. Leorio beside me shrugs and we all head to it. I say, "maybe she just left it open."

When I fully open the door I see a terrible mess in front of me. My mind whirls into panic. Beside me I see tamaki crying. His eyes were on a certain spot. A horrible mess of blood spattered against the wall.

My face falls and I feel that horrible feeling grow inside me. "They took her..." I trail off covering my mouth to hide the sob rising in my throat. "Lizzy! Who's they!?" Killua ask staring at the place in horror.

I couldn't even speak only shake my head. In his blue i see anger rise. "Who the hell took her!?" He says almost yelling. His eye swirled with guilt, sorrow, anger, and hurt.

That is actually the first time is seen his eyes like that. "Don't raise your voice at her!" Gon demands anger taking over his cute feature. That's when it hit me.

That snicker, that text....being taught a lesson.

I look over at Kim whom was hiding that smirk on her face. I slowly walk over to her. My fist clenching.

"Let. Me. See. Your. Phone." I say to her. My voice sharp. "What!? No!" She says keeping her phone. "I said, Give me that fucking phone! You don't get a goddamn option, now give the phone. I know what you did!" I yell at her ripping the phone from her hands.

I unlock her screen and go to her text messages. I read through all of them. Everyone stares at me confused, except Kim, she knew. I throw the phone at her face with all my strength. "How could you do that!? You fucking bitch!" I curse, fire burning through me.

(Y/n) is such a good person she didn't deserve the life she had. Killua us pulls me away from Kim, confused. "What are you guys talking about..?" Killua asks his eyes filled with confusion.

Gon grabs me and holds me back, I probably seemed like a crazy person. "K-Killua! She just attacked me!" Kim cries hugging Killua. Lava runs through my veins.

How dare she! She just runs to him, that bitch!

The sound of crying fills my ears, I turn around and see Tamaki. He probably got the idea of what's happening, my anger disappears immediately.

(Y/n) must be in so much pain right now...I am so sorry... I couldn't protect my best friend..

"W-why did you do it..?" I ask my voice cracking. Kim looks at me with innocent look and a small smirk. Tamaki fully sobbing. Killua looks more confused. "Kim, called her family.." I mutter looking down.

"So what? It's just her family." Killua scoffs. I looks straight into his eyes. I push Gon and Kim away. I grab his shirt and pull him down. "Her father killed her mother in front of her. Her step-mother and step-sisters, abused her for years! Her father raped her many times as a child and abused as her!  They threatened and broke (y/n) she's been on the run. They'll  probably kill her when they find her! Do you understand me!" I yell I'm his face  remembering (y/n)'s past. Killua's eyes widen in shock. His body shaking a bit. His bangs cover his eyes, hiding his emotions.

His face was so blanket. I stepped away feeling blood lust, the source from that blood lust came from Killua. My breath hitched when I saw him grab Kim's neck. Kim gasped for air and squirmed.

Reader

My hands shake, my body sore. My throat aching from screaming. Tears leaking out of my eyes. I cry in the corner of the room.

It happened again, why are you so weak. Why couldn't you be stronger, you could've pushed him away. You could've prevented this, I hate you. I hate you so much, why haven't you died yet? Why are you still alive!

My head spins with many thoughts and i cry louder. I felt so weak, so small and like a toy. I bite my lip and sob into my knees.

My body tenses when I hear the door open. My body shakes hearing his footsteps.

Sorry, for not updating..