Where the Ink Runs Dry

tO hIm

tO hIm

It's a depressing joy to see your face

I would say our friendship is a bittersweet tragedy, but my feelings have run my thoughts astray

Why can't I get over you and why does it have to be so hard?

 It's not like we had anything special really. Just a lovely friendship and a fantasy of a fruitful love that will never exist. It's funny how I waste time thinking about you when you've probably never thought once about me (unless you needed something).

 I wish I could tell you how I feel. Only then will you know how important you are to me right now. I know I am not the beautiful girl with that smile or those eyes or the wonderful personality that everyone falls in love with-and bear with me because this is not a pity note. I don't want you to think that I am some weird girl with stupid insecurities, even if it's the truth. I don't need your pity. Right now, I just need your lips zipped and your eyes watching and your ears listening: I am being open and honest with you.

I know, it sounds cheesy. I know, it sounds stupid. I've never had someone to love and I guess after so many lonely years in the dark I've tried to reach out towards the light, but its warmth burns my flesh upon contact and forces me back into the cold blackness. Older people always complain that I don't know what love is and that my education is the only thing that matters; but maybe they're too old to remember it.

I just wish I could experience what it's like to have someone that could love me in ways that friends and family can't. I want strong arms protecting me from danger and shielding me from the cold. I want ears that will listen to my thoughts and my fears. I want a voice soft and tender, to tell me that I am beautiful, even though I don't agree, to tell me everything is okay even when it's not, to talk to me whenever there is a something to be discussed; but to be strong and firm when necessary. I want eyes that will see me for who I am inside, not just out. 

My love life has not borne fruit; I have not experienced tender touches or hesitant goodbyes or sweet hellos. You have been different from countless others that I've fallen for, and even though I say this every time, this time I really mean it. Yeah, you may be a universal flirt who just happens to be everyone's friend, and I know that, but the way you talk to me and joke around and touch me convinces me, if for a second, that I have a chance. But I know that when and if you find out the truth, all of my hopes and dreams would have been for naught: you will never see me as I see you. And although it hurts, it is the truth. But it will be okay. We will carry on with our lives and forget any of this ever happened, eventually forgetting the other ever existed. But for now, even though I'm 99% sure you don't, I can only hold on to the 1% of hope that you will like me too. 

Sincerely,

ThE gIrL wItH a BlEeDiNg HeArT oN hEr SlEeVe