I Can't Change {harry styles 1D}

Chapter 17- So Close

IMPORTANT!

This chapter lightly deals with the issue of self harm and I wouldn't to trigger anything or hurt any of you so if you don't want to read this I completely understand. It would be best if you did read it but if you don't want to don't make yourself. I understand. Just inbox me and I'll tell you what you missed.

But let me tell you this before you start reading.

You are all beautiful, no one deserves to hurt themselves, I know it's hard now and it hurts but you are here for a reason and we can get through this together. I promise you. So next time you think of bringing that blade to your skin, know that you don't deserve it and there are always people there for you. Even me. Don't be ashamed of yourself, show yourself to the world and let them see your beauty. I love you all.

XxAda

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ARI'S POV-

This was my fourth lap around the block. I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt good, for leaving Elle. She must be relieved right now, since she's finally free of me. But walking around the streets, my head down in shame that someone might see me, made me hate myself even more. Every now and then I looked at my phone to check the time, only feeling that stabbing feeling in my chest to see more hate. Like someone punched me or is trying to pull me apart from the inside. It's not a nice feeling.

Night was starting to fall, and out of utter pain and exhaustion I let myself fall onto the cold ground, taking my coat off so that my identity was obvious. But no one will give me a second glance, thinking I'm some dirty drunk.

I sat there for a few minutes, my phone never stopped buzzing in my now worn out jeans. I know I shouldn't. It'll just make everything worse. But I couldn't help it. I hate myself anyway, so much so I threw myself onto the streets! What's the harm in seeing more things wrong with me? But as I read deeper, my heart dropped to my stomach. I just wanted to leave this world, go somewhere where no one hated me. So many people wanted me dead, wanted me to end my life... I was half way there. I don't have anywhere to really go, no house, no loved ones who can pick me up when I'm down... I'm nothing but a germ, a disease, a burden, a mistake. I have so much pain, hurt, hatred and it's all inside me and I can't get it out. I thrashed around, trying to get rid of the demons inside me.

I screamed. Looking at my arm didn't make it any better. I had hit it on the brick wall behind me. I found the pain... Pleasurable. It helped. Helped me destroy the body so many people want to get rid of. I hit my arm again, screaming in pain. I fell to the ground, biting my lip in hope I would be able to keep the screams from coming out.

I tasted blood in my mouth, I didn't realise how hard I was biting. The blood was warm, soothing almost. Knowing I was pleasing the voices in my head, the people who want me gone from the earth. I mustered up the courage, punching myself in the cheek, moaning in pain. I put a hand over my cheek, feeling a large bruise which took up half of my face. It made me smile sickly. I was so close...

I looked next to me, seeing a broken glass bottle which had been shattered onto the sidewalk. I carefully picked up one of the shiny pieces of glass, the reflection of myself in the glass making it even more inviting. I know what happens when you cut, its hard to stop and soon enough I might just leave this world for good... But I needed to do this, for the people I once loved. For those people that desperately want me to feel pain, for those people that asked for this... I slowly lifted up my sleeve, the cold wind biting at my skin. I lifted the piece of glass, lowering it slowly. My hand was shaking, I was sweating from head to toe. I closed my eyes, and soon enough I felt the glass touching the skin on my wrist. I felt a pounding sensation, pain like I have never felt before. But I couldn't stop. I pushed harder, feeling my blood trickle onto my skin.

'ARI STOP!'

I spun my head around to see someone running towards me. That voice... I know that voice. My vision was blurring, I could hear my blood dripping to the ground, I was still holding the glass. I wanted to keep going but I couldn't take my eyes off him.

'Ari what are you doing? I've been looking everywhere for-' he dropped to the ground so he was kneeling in front of me. He looked at me, he examined my face, I tried to shield my eyes from his. I wanted to run away, so he couldn't judge me, but I was too weak. His eyes trailed down to my wrist, where blood was still pouring out.

'Who did this to you?' He asked softly, putting his hand on my arm. I flinched at his touch. His eyes locked on mine, they were a sad shade of green. I've seen them before...

'Harry?' I croaked, it felt strange to hear my own voice.

'Ari it's me. Please tell me you weren't doing what I think you were doing,' he looked like he was about to cry. I've never seen him this broken... I tried to speak, I wanted to comfort him, but no words came out of my mouth. He gently brushed his thumb over my face, he would wince when he touched a bruise or a cut. He took my hand, taking the peice of glass from out of my grasp and throwing it behind him. I felt too weak to react, to do anything really. He leaned forward so that I could feel his warm breath against my cold skin. He softly kissed the tears off my face, tears I never realised were there. He held my wrist up, blood was swiftly flowing out of the cut I made.

'Why Ari?' Tears started running down Harry's face. My cut was still wide open and his salty tears that dripped onto my arms made it sting. I made him cry, I broke bis heart. He doesn't deserve this.

'Don't look at me,' I mumbled, seeing the cut on my wrist didn't help, I felt ashamed. I pulled my wrist out of his grip and tried to stand up, only to topple back to the ground.

'Why wouldn't I want to look at you? You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen,' Harry sniffled.

'I'm ugly, fat. Too weak to stand. Just leave me alone,' I whispered, attempting to push him away but failing. I grabbed another piece of glass from the sidewalk but before it touched my skin I felt his hand wrap around my wrist.

'Please don't Ari. You don't deserve this. Let me take you home, we can talk about this. You are not ugly or fat. You are beautiful and you are the last person who deserves to be in this much pain. Don't ever hurt yourself like that again love, please. I'm begging you,' his pleading eyes stared at mine. He looked over at my wrist again, I was losing a lot of blood.

Getting on his feet, Harry took my hand but I was took broken to move. Instead of dragging me along, he gently scooped me up off of the ground so that he was carrying me. Instead of argueing, I nuzzled my head into his chest, smelling the smell I missed so much, feeling his touch which I missed so much. Everything was becoming blurry, it was hard to even move an inch. My eyelids felt like they weighed hundreds of kilos. But in his arms, I felt safe. I started drifting away, before I fell asleep in his arms I heard Harry say,

'I missed you so much princess. Seeing you so close to... I'm so sorry, please don't ever do it again. I'm going to look after you, don't worry. You are safe. I love you more than you will ever know.'

AN-

HAPPY 2014!! Hopefully it is a wonderful year for all of you, keep smiling.

Hope you liked this chapter, yes I know it was a bit sappy but bear with me. We aren't anywhere near the end, there are plenty of sassy girl power chapters to go.

What did you think of Ari's weak side? What do you think of Harry's reaction?

Love you all to bits, happy new year lovelies!