You Must Understand

Acceptance

Wake up. Eyes open. Sit up. Can't speak. Turn left. Wall. Turn right. Mirror. Look forward. Bars. Lie down. Sleep.

Wake up. Eyes open. Sit up. Don't speak. Look forward. Breakfast. Eat. Turn left. Mark the wall. Turn right. Notice; sink, toilet, shower. Look forward. Bars. Lie down. Sleep.

Wake up. Eyes open. Sit up. Don't speak. Look forward. Lunch. Eat. Stand up. Wait. Bars open. Start walking.

Day 2,554.

Second day of the new year. That means the previous wing nine have joined their new wings and are at new stations. I count five new Inmates in this wing. That makes 13 of us, remember one is no longer here. Wing one is relatively small. I could take it as a compliment, fitting the requirements to be in an elite group. But I am a prisoner.

There are 9 stations. Mining the wall, computer work/hacking, kitchen, garden and clean up, 'rehabilitation', carpentry/building, dismantling. I have been here seven years, worked a different station each year. I am only aware of seven stations out of the 9.

Rehabilitation is not a working station. It is not pointless. If you commit a certain number of strikes a year, the next year your station will be Rehabilitation. Rehabilitation alternates between watching someone be tortured, torturing someone, torturing yourself and being tortured. I obviously learned the hard way. I do not know the amount of strikes they permit however it would make sense for the number to differ depending on the wing of the inmate.

We don't have Inmate numbers. We have wing numbers tattooed onto the left of our necks. Pray your wing doesn't change. We don't get called by name, there is no large need to talk to individual Inmates. Hold onto your name. It'll be good for you. Hold onto any memories, even if you believe them to be false. It'll be good for you. Do not hold onto the past. Accept that this is life. Escaping is not a considerable option. To escape, you must have 3 things:

1. A reason to leave.

2. The resources.

3. The knowledge of what you are actually escaping.

You have none. Not yet, at least. I can obtain the latter two, but there is no point if I do not have the former. Now that you are questioning, you should be confused. Confused as to what or why you are reading. You'll find out later. For now, you must accept. You should already understand. If you do not understand, you are asking questions. You should not ask questions. You should understand what you have been told, the knowledge you have been given. Then, and only then, can you accept.

I mentioned you should keep a schedule. Each year, there are changed, you must adapt - do not become fixated. There are more people in my wing. The cell opposite me, the only one visible from my cell, is now occupied. The occupant is of the male sex, seemingly around 5'10", short dark hair, blue eyes, average frame. This year's station will be tough for this particular Inmate. You might have noticed that I refrain from using pronouns and names. It is better not to for any attachment nor make any assumptions. Time for change.

I bang on the metal, catch his attention. I cut into my hand, spell out my name on my arm using my blood. I show him. He does the same. His name; Axe. The irony is somewhat amusing, he does not seem like a man who can handle an axe. However the mental strain of this sentence won't break him. I can tell by his eyes and his body language, and of course the fact that he is here. He is broken.

The unbroken, after a year in wing nine, are stationed in Rehabilitation. I stare at him. He won't need the axe, no. He is in Rehabilitation. I wonder what he did. Why he was persistent with his strikes. I smirk. I glare at him. I don't feel any emotion towards him. This sentence has only heightened my curiosity. Punishing it simultaneously by not allowing me answers.

If you ask questions, you will be entertained and most probably won't lose the will to live. If you don't ask questions, you will keep your sanity. I should let you choose. Just know that I have endured seven years. I am not ignorant. I know some answers. I also know some of my crimes, though you know that already. You probably assumed that over time, parts of my memory have come back to me in epiphanies or dreams. You would have assumed incorrectly if that were the case. The information I know, I have been told. I know my name because I was told. At first I questioned if I should believe this new knowledge however it quickly dawned on me that there was no reason to lie, there was little reason to even give me this knowledge.

We are constantly monitored. Guards are crawling. But so are Monitors. You will grow to notice their presence. You will become aware. I believe that once they have deemed you worthy, once you have passed their tests, you will be given knowledge. The knowledge you are given is specific to the test you passed, remember that you may not pass the tests in order so the knowledge you gain will most likely not make any sense. Accept what you are told and keep it in your memory. Continue as normal, abide by the rules. Abiding is accepting. Commit strikes and you have not accepted. Accidental strikes are due to not understanding, you cannot accept what you do not understand.

Try not to be confused. It'll make sense in time.