Experiment 21

7 ~ Raped

I must be dead.

I should be dead. My bones were peeking out from beneath my skin, pale and sickly. The cool air burned my sandpaper mouth, and my lips were like a desert; Cracked and dusty with dry skin. I took another drink from the floor, easier this time now that there was no pain left in my arm. Even though it was cloudy with dirt, it still tasted like heaven on my tongue.  I found it hard to breath, I was so drained. I didn't have an ounce of fight left in me. Grace Portman was defeated, dying in prison.

And all I can think is that my parents never found me.

Maybe they didn't try hard enough. If they loved me enough, they would have found me. I couldn't help but think it. Or perhaps I was just too far away for anyone to find, even helicopters and police men. Or maybe people just pretended all these kids hadn't gone missing, scared of the truth. I wasn't scared anymore.

I was numb.

There was food in the corner again. I struggled to my feet, and stumbled over to the small pile of food by the door. I felt like a dog to be honest, only a dog would have been treated better. I picked up the piece of bread, feeling surprisingly sick. I was so hungry, I didn't want to eat anymore.

A piece of paper, similar to the one on the apple, lay next to the juice and bread. Its content, however, was totally different.

Grace,

You must be starving. I'm so sorry for what happened to you, I hope your arm doesn't hurt anymore.

I can't tell you what's going on just yet. They will kill us both if I do.

I'll try to save everyone.

Sunny ~ xxx

I stared blankly at the sheet of yellowing paper. Sunny knew what was going on, but if he told me we would both get killed. And yet my own death didn't register in my head. Sunny was alive! I thought he was dead. The guilty rock in my stomach was just...I'm so glad he is alive. I don't even care if I get out or not.

Sunny was OK.

I picked up the bread and took a huge bite. The saltiness and thickness of the bread filled a much needed whole in my stomach, but it wasn't quite enough. I did feel better though, if a little uncomfortable. I gulped down the carton of juice and tossed it to the other side of the room. I sighed in satisfaction at the coolness on my throat, a bit like ice on a fresh burn.

So much better than floor water, I thought humorlessly.

A small quake shook the room, and the door slid open. Tom stumbled through, bringing the scent of alcohol in with him. I closed my eyes in defeat, and in utter exhaustion.

He was drunk. Mad man plus drunk man = Bad combo and very dangerous outcomes.

“Ello Darlin'," He grumbled in a fake southern accent. His mouth spread into a smirk, bearing his mouldy teeth for all to see. "How are ya? I thought I'd come an' give ya a little company."

"Leave me alone!" It came out weak and feeble.

“You don’t mean that honey...” Tom said, his face looming so close I could smell his vomit scented breath.

He stayed there for a few minutes, just staring. Staring at me like I was piece of meat for him to chew. I squirmed back, scared for an action I would be unprepared for, but he didn't seem to be moving. He just leered at me, grinning and mocking me.

Then, he grabbed my face and shoved his lips against mine.

The taste of alcohol, sick and cigars combined made me want to puke. I clamped my teeth down on his thin lips, tasting blood which I quickly spat out onto the floor . He yelped like a wounded kitten and stumbled backwards. Then, he only got angry.

His laugh wasn't funny. No, not at all. He drew back his hand and brought it back across my face. I quick snap later, my skin was stinging and already developing a large welt. A kick in the gut came with the slap shortly after.

“You will let me do whatever I want, got it little girl?” He bellowed in my ear, spit settling on my face. I nodded slowly, tears streaming down my dirty face.

“Good…”

He kissed me again, roughly pushing my head forward and forcing me to respond. When he moaned, my hand raised to slap him. A mere reflex, but Tom wasn't the forgiving type. He slammed me up against the wall, forcing my legs up so they looped around his round belly. I sobbed, hoping this wasn't going to be what I thought it was.

Tom pulled up his shirt in one swift motion, not shifting his black-hole eyes from mine while his kissed me fiercly. In went his thick, slimy tongue as he dragged down his pants so they rested at his feet.

Oh. oh. Don't let this happen to me...

I squirmed and whimpered underneath him, but this only seemed to urge him on. He mistook my squirms for movement of pleasure, and gripped my hips with desire. I kicked him in the leg, but he was too far gone to feel anything.

No matter how many time he hit me, I wouldn't stop trying.

He slid down my pants with a ecstatic moan, eyeing my naked body with malicious eyes. I averted my eyes from his nude state, hoping maybe it won't scar me for life later. But I doubt anything could stop the shame after what was going to happen, had happened. Rape. I tried to resist his strength as he forced open my legs, but the lack of food and water had left me incapacitated.

I knew the stories. I didn't think it would happen to me. How hadn't I seen this attack coming?

"Relax darlin'. This will be fun." He whispered

He positioned himself right in front of me, holding open my legs and roaming his eyes up and down my body like I was some kind of miracle. I doubt girls ever willingly consented to sex from him, but then, he didn't need consent. He could just take what he wanted, just like he could with me. I awaited the pain with white knuckles.

But it didn't come. All I felt was a slight touch to my entry.

And then came the pain.

I screeched like someone dying in extreme agony, because that's how I felt. He wasn't being gentle, like I had wanted my first time to be. He was lost in his own lust, pushing in and out like he didn't give a shit about the anguish he had awoken in me. My screams of distress only turned him on. Pain shot up my back as he started to thrust faster and faster, oblivious to anything else but the otherworldly sex he was having with me. For him, anyway. For me, it was torture.

His eyes closed and he bit his lip, moans and groans escaping his mouth in short pants. Stop! Stop! he needed to stop right now, or my body was going to tear up into tiny pieces, strewn over the floor in a sick macabre.

Tom could take what he wanted from me, including my virginity. My virginity I held so dear to me. I wanted to give it away to someone I loved, and I hadn't even had the chance. I stopped kicking when he bellowing out in pleasure, mostly in shock. He was going too...Oh god no.  I desperately tried to take him out of me, but he was too strong . There was one last cry of ecstasy from Tom before he came inside me, warm and sticky. It grieved in silence. He was inside me. A part of me.

Finally, he got out of me, and pulled on his clothes while I lay there, crying and wallowing in my self pity and shame. Tears streamed down my face like waterfalls. I curled up on the floor, naked expect for the few strips of blue overall that still covered me.

Tom got up and walked to the door, a smirk still on his gruff face. “Look forward to next time Hun’,”

This was my fault. I should have done something.

For the first time in my sixteen years of living, I hated myself.

Song- Face down, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.