Stay Down

Chapter|22

Amarri

My heart was beating so hard and fast that I was sure it could be heard on the other side of the door. I waited patiently after ringing the doorbell, tapping the side of my leg. I was beyond nervous and could feel the butterflies having a field day in the pit of my stomach. It was at least 40 degrees outside but I could feel my palms sweating inside of the leather gloves that I wore. "Come on, come on." Said to myself in a light whisper. My nerves where about to get the best of me when I heard locks being unlocked and the door finally opened.

"Oh Ladybug, you came." Yep, you guessed it. I finally decided to give her a chance. I just couldn't make myself do it on Thanksgiving.

"...Yea... hey..." Was all I could think to say at the time.

"Come in, come in its cold out there." She moved out the way and let me enter. Bone's house, well I guess it's their house, was immaculate. But then again I wouldn't expect anything less from Bone he was a major drug distributer as well as a successful club owner who had the hottest nightclub in all of Tennessee. Sharon closed the door and locked it and then I followed her into the massive dining room. I didn't feel like I should be walking on the carpet let alone sit on the furniture but I followed her steps and sat down on the couch across from her. She stared at me for a second before I saw the tears trickling down her face.

"This is so unreal Ladybug. I am so sorry for what happened. I take the full blame for it all." The tears where now coming faster.

As much as I hated to admit it, I could see the resemblance between the two of us. Even after all the drug use, I looked liked her or at least that's what I'm telling myself because a part of me want to know where I came from so that I can put it all behind me.

"So tell me Sharon, what happened?" I asked, cutting to the chase. She tried to wipe the tears from her eyes but to no avail. They just kept coming. She stood up and grabbed the box of Kleenex off the coffee table and took more than a few.

"Uh, ok...I can do this," she mostly said to herself. "I lived a life that I'm not proud of. Actually pretty ashamed to talk about it but hey...we all have a past right?" I wasn't sure if she wanted me to answer her or not but I kept my mouth shut and waited for her to continue. "I ran away from home because I felt like mom and dad was being too strict on me. I left and never went back. Well I did go back but it was too late. While out in the streets I met Zeke, your father. He was everything I wanted in a man, or so I thought. I was just young and dumb. I didn't find out until later that he was a pimp. He said some shit about him being in a bind and that he needed my help. I wanted to do whatever I could to help him out even if it meant sleeping with different men."

My phone rung, interrupting her. I took it out my pocket to see who was calling and it was Mir. I started not to answer but Sharon got up and said she would be back. "Hello?"

"What's up big head? How's it going?" He was referring to my little visit. I told him I was coming and he was surprised.

"Its alright I guess. She was just telling me how it all went down."

"Oh ok. That's what's up. Hit me when you leave then."

"Alright, I gotta go check on business after I leave here."

"Aight, you gotta hit the shop?" Even though we were talking in code, we both knew what we was talking about.

"Yea but it shouldn't take that long. Just gotta make sure the numbers straight." I said looking up as Sharon reentered the room. I ended the call and put my phone back into my jeans pocket.

"Would you like anything to eat or to drink?" She asked, looking down at the ground and fidgeting around. I really didn't think anything of it until she finally looked up. Her eyes had glassed over and I immediately knew she was high. Damn she fast. She only had just got up a moment ago.

"I'm good Sharon. I just need to know the rest of-"

"Ok so where was I?" She interrupted. "Oh yea....your daddy." She spat those words out like it was poison in her mouth. "He used me, he abused me, he was just a selfish person and I still worshipped the ground he walked on. He turned me onto cocaine first and that soon turned into heavier drugs. When I got pregnant with you, I had a little sense of hope that I could finally leave him and this life behind me but I wasn't ready to be a mama. When Zeke found out about the pregnancy he literally tried to beat you out of me."

Hearing this made my blood boil. How could a man do somebody like that? Especially the woman he supposedly love and the one that's carrying his child. I swear if I ever get my hands on him...it's over.

"But it didn't work," she continued, "you were a strong little baby." A small smile crept upon her face then soon faded. "Zeke still made me turn tricks while he still supplied me with my drug of choice. By the time I was six months you were already lost to the system because I kept failing my drug tests. I figured you were better off with another family anyway. What could I have offered you? Nothing. I didn't want this life for myself let alone my baby girl. I was sent to jail for the remainder of my pregnancy. I got clean and was determined to get you baby. I swear on my life I tried. While you were in foster care I got a chance to see you. You were about five years old. When Zeke got wind of it he said he would kill you. And he would have Ladybug. Thats why I stayed away. I couldn't deal with the guilt and sorrow so I relieved my pain with crack or heroin...whatever I could get my hands on."

I didn't realize the tears had fallen until I looked down and my shirt was wet. "Why didn't you fight for me?" I was mad at myself for crying but I also knew I needed to get it out. This was something I had been holding onto for year's.

"I did baby girl. I fought as hard as I knew how but Zeke had a hold onto me, a hold he held for years until Robert came along." She says referring to Bone. "When I met Robert I was in the process of recovering. I had been sober for a year and it felt good. I felt free for the first time in my life. I kept it a secret that I was a drug addict because I didn't want him to judge or leave me but he soon found out. The minute I found out he was a drug dealer I fell back into temptation. He tried to help me, he did his best but..." She sobbed into her Kleenex. I felt sorry for her. She was really sick. I don't know what made me get up and walk the short distance to her but I did. I sat next to her and brought her into a hug and we both cried together. This was not how I ever pictured meeting my birth mom but here it is. Not everything in life is picture perfect but it's worth the picture still right? From hearing her story she's been through a lot, more than I've been even on account of her. Maybe this was the start of a new beginning. Who knows where we will end up. I'm just glad I know a part of where I come from now.