Inside the Memories (18+)

Part 19

You sat in your living room with a cup of coffee, your knees were up against your chest and you were biting your nails. Your eyes were glued to the black television screen, you couldn't bring yourself to turn it on knowing that you had missed so much in the last few months that you lost.
You sat your coffee on the table and stood up, walking over to your window to look for youngjae. He said he would be here in 20 minutes but it had been almost half an hour. You pulled open the curtain and your eyes searched the streets, then you saw him.
He was wearing a heavy coat with his head covered by a red beanie, he was carrying a bag and you could see his breath in the cold air.
You quickly ran to the door and flung it open, youngjae stood at the bottom of the stairs to your porch. You felt so lost, so at seeing someone you finally recognized, who you actually had memories of, you ran down the stairs and almost knocked youngjae over as you embraced him.
He didn't say anything, you were sobbing into his coat as you held onto him tightly. You could feel yourself becoming weak and youngjae soon wrapped his arms around you and supported your body.
"Sorry I took so long," youngjae whispered.
"I'm sorry I called you so late," you sobbed.
"I really, wasn't sure if I should come," youngjae said as he gently stroked your back.
"I'm glad you did," you sighed as you started to control your crying.
"Hey," youngjae said as he pulled back looked down at you and lifted your chin to look at him, "let's get inside its cold, I have food for us, I'm sure you need it."
You smiled up at him, you felt so relieved that you finally had someone who you remembered, you didn't have to try to remind yourself about him. You let your arms slowly let go of youngjaes body and led him inside the apartment. Youngjae followed you and took off his shoes at the door then pulled off his jacket and beanie.
You looked over at him, he looked different, his hair was still his natural brown and he was wear a white sweater with torn jeans. Youngjae looked at you and smiled. You led him into the living room and sat down on the couch giving him room to sit with you.
"I brought you some ramen, and some sweets, I wasn't sure if you had eaten much and kinda over bought." Youngjae laughed as he pulled the food out of the bag and set it on the table.
"Thank you," you replied as you watched him.
Youngjae turned to you and smiled again, you were so happy to have some memories, you felt so much relief now knowing that you weren't crazy after all.
"So let's eat!" Youngjae announced happily as he handed you chopsticks.
"Yes!" You replied brightly.

A couple of hours had past and you and youngjae laughed and talked about random things while you ate. Youngjae wasn't trying to push the subject of you losing your memory and you were glad since having that problem made you feel stressed.
"Should I make us some coffee now that we are done?" You asked standing up and taking the empty food containers.
"Ya that sounds good," Youngjae replied as he helped you clean up.
You took the trash to the trash can and then washed your hands. You dried off your hands then started to prepare the coffee. You opened your cabinet to grab some mugs and then pushed.
"Hmm, that's weird," you whispered.
"What?" Youngjae asked as he sat at the breakfast bar.
"I'm missing a mug," you replied as you searched through your dishes trying to find it.
"Maybe you just misplaced it?" Youngjae suggested.
"Maybe, oh well," you said shrugging it off and then grabbed two other mugs and placed them on the counter.
You could smell the aroma of the fresh coffee filling the air, your eyes stayed focus on the coffee mugs that were on the table. You grazed you finger of the handle of one of the cups and you could almost feel yourself remembering something.
You saw a memory of a mug falling and shattering, you had cut your finger and someone, Wonho? He was tending to your wound. You could see the memories of him cleaning your cut then he gently kissed it after he put a band aid on it.
You shook your head and grabbed the mug and placed it near the coffee pot.
"You ok?" Youngjae asked.
"Hm? Ya sorry I keep dozing off." You replied as you heard your coffee machine beep that it was done.
"I can go home if you want to get some sleep." Youngjae suggested.
"No it's fine," you replied as you poured the coffee for the two of you then walked over to youngjae.
You placed his coffee in front of him and leaned against the counter in front of him. Youngjae took the cup and added his usual sugar to it and you grinned.
"Sissy, can't even drink your coffee black," you grinned as you took a sip of you plain coffee.
"Ya! You know I'm not naturally this sweet I gotta get a little help from sugar," youngjae replied as he stirred his coffee.
"Nerd," you whispered setting your coffee down.
"So, how are you feeling?" Youngjae asked as he still quietly stirred his coffee.
"Lost," you replied as you stared down at your coffee.
"You really, don't remember anything?" Youngjae asked.
"I remember us fighting, and then I left to get a snack, I think, but that's all," you replied.
"You don't remember, umm, him?" Youngjae asked.
"Wonho?" You asked.
"Ya," youngjae replied.
"Kind of, like I don't have memories but, I have that feeling he was in my life." You replied.
"Hmph sure in your life," youngjae scoffed rolling his eyes and taking another drink.
"What do you mean by that?" You asked.
"I don't think it's my place to tell you," youngjae replied blowing off the question.
"Youngjae, I trust you, you're the only person I know right now, so please, tell me." You begged as you reached over and cupped his hand in yours.
Youngjae sighed, "fine,"
You listened as youngjae explained everything, how you and Wonho had met and he broke you and youngjae apart. How when you were getting feelings for wonho he left you and he started sleeping around with other girls, how he had driven you to doing stupid things like drinking and even pushing you into depression.
How you found out you were pregnant and Wonho never came back. That you went out looking for him and you ended up losing the baby because of everything.
You felt your tears running down your face, how could he?
"I'm sorry (y/n)" youngjae whispered.
"How could, how could I have loved someone like that?" You asked.
"Just, give yourself time don't try and push yourself," youngjae explained as he walked around the counter and wrapped his arms around you.
"I'm so sorry youngjae, I," you sobbed.
"Stop, it'll be ok," youngjae whispered.
"I don't want to see him again," you whispered.
"Maybe you shouldn't, but, you just need to heal first ok?" Youngjae responded.
"Ya," you whispered burying your face in youngjae chest.
"Do you want me to leave?" Youngjae asked as he pulled away and looked down at you.
"No," you replied, "please, just stay with me for tonight."

Youngjae POV

Youngjae held her in his arms, he followed her to her bedroom and crawled into the bed with her and held her to his chest. He listened to her shaky breathing as she cried into his chest. Then finally she had fallen asleep.

Youngjae knew he was leaving out some major details of wonho, but if this was the way he could have her back.

He would do anything, even change her memories of him.