Soldier Boy (Avengers/Winter Solider Fanfic)

Four

Melody heard the gunshot before she heard Bucky's screams.

The ghost grabbed hold of her and jolted her from sleep with that same, loud, echoing blast. Her eyes snapped open, sweat slithering down her face as the sound faded away the spatters of blood on the wall vanished as the ghost lost it's grip

It was a dream, Melody told herself sternly. It is in the past.

The ghost still lurked around the corners of her mind, ready to bring the events of that day back, but a new, louder sound. A sound that wasn't a ghost from her past threatening to drag her back to when It happened. 

This sound was in the real world. A sound that wasn't a memory.

It was a sound of complete and utter terror as well and the sound prompted Melody to her feet. She'd heard it before. She'd heard it when Moira Frasier found the body of her husband. She'd heard it in the ER, people screaming for their loved ones as their minds tried to process whatever horrible event had happened. She'd heard it the day Loki attacked New York as people tried to get away from the chaos.

Melody was familiar with trauma. She was familiar with fear. So now she knew how to react.

She walked in the darkness, her body remembering the paths of the room though her mind had long since forgotten and she opened the door and crossed the hall to where her guest was staying.

"Bucky?" she called through the door, her voice loud in the silent house. Are you alive?" Given the ragged sound of breathing on the other side of the door Melody was sure he was, but she knew the question would bring a response from him and that was what she needed. She needed to get him to talk, to keep his whatever ghosts were grabbing at him from dragging him back under again. First rule of patient care in the ER, keep the patient calm.

"No," was the sharp reply as Melody opened the door and winced. He'd turned on the light and the contrast was stark compared to the dark hallway. Bucky saw upright in his bed, body hunched over as though he'd been punched, his eyes wide and wild with fear, hands twisted around his head, like he was trying to hold himself together. "I didn't say 'come in'," he remarked, voice ragged and Melody yawned despite herself.

"I wasn't waiting for an invitation,"she told him. The ER had taught her not to wait. If a patient was distressed and something was going wrong you didn't wait for their approval. You did not have the time. You had seconds to act. Seconds that separate life and death and so there was little if any time to be polite.  "You sounded like you were being stabbed," Melody told him which was true. She threw in another crass statement, watching as life flickered behind his eyes. Good, she thought. Good, he's coming out of it. It wasn't a kind method to be sure, but it did prompt a response and right now, making sure he stayed responsive and in the present was her priority.

"Familiar with the sound Doctor Frasier?"he asked, voice cold like ice.

Melody felt herself prickle at little at the response. Partly to distract him and partly because she was annoyed that he'd already forgotten her profession. "Yes. Trauma surgeon in a large city like New York and you'll see plenty of things like that." She then dropped her tense tone and took a deep breath to calm herself. Her emotions were not her friend right now, but she refused to shut down completely. There was only one situation where that was okay and this wasn't it. 

"Are you alright?" she asked, aware of how stupid the question actually was. But what else could she ask? Anything that would have made sense would have been too personal, would have invited questions or remarks that would drudge up the more damaged parts of her own mind. And that had to be avoided at all costs. "Are you injured-physically?" she specified. "Have you suffered bodily harm in the last few hours?"

The solider stared at her blankly again. "No."

"Good," she remarked. She had no doubt that someone else hadn't harmed him, at least not right this moment. But she fully intended to keep a close eye on Bucky just in case, there was no person who would hurt him here except himself and that worried her a great deal. "I'll be in the room next door if you need me. Just wake me up."

Not that I'll be asleep, she thought as she was back out in the hallway again. The ghosts in her mind were quiet now, but sleep would change that. Sleep didn't offer the distractions the waking world did. Sleep didn't allow Melody to play her games, trying trigger better memories to keep worse ones away. Sleep didn't allow her to sing and shut out the noise.  Melody returned to her room for a second, barely opening the door to check the time on the alarm clock. Just a little passed six-thirty.

It was time to start the day. She'd slept long enough, now it was time to go back to normal. Or as normal as she could obtain with the Winter Solider living in her parents house.But then again, Melody thought with some morbid humor. I lost my chance at normal a long time ago. The gunshot echoed in her mind again. Loud like a canon blast and deafening. Melody shut her eyes against the memory as the acrid smell of a fired gun, and blood spraying the walls came back to her.

"Think about Christmas, think about the lime Jell-O." Melody told herself sternly he words and new images came, blocking out the morbid one that was still trying to pull her back into a much bleaker past. She could see the wrinkly face of Evelyn O'Hara as she whined in pain on the gurney. She could feel the icy air fall into the ER from the outside as she was brought in. She could feel the tug of skin as she pulled her suture line and out of the old woman's skin. She heard the laughter they shared as they celebrated Christmas together, two people generations apart and both utterly alone. 

Melody still had the teddy bear Evelyn had given her back in her apartment. They'd never seen one another again, but Melody still cherished that memory. The kindness to show to a complete stranger still warmed her heart. She laughed quietly to herself as she thought of the tiny teal bear with one eye missing. The idea of Doctor "Freezer" having a heart to warm would have made the interns at West Memorial laugh themselves silly.

Melody left her room then, watching as light began to peak up from the Eastern sky. The day had finally come and for a moment, Melody shut her eyes, facing the warmth of the day. This was her favorite part of the day-the one moment of peace she had before the world came back. The one moment where it was all peaceful. The moment where she was, for just a second, completely  still and relaxed. No rushing back and forth, trying to outrun her past or to save a life. Just stillness but that, much like everything else in her life never lasted long. Her phone was already ringing.

Shaking her head, she grabbed it and smiled as she saw Sharon's name on the screen. "Hello?"

"Hey, you coming into the city today?"

"Yes, why?"

"Meet me for lunch?"

"Sure, something up?" Melody asked, taking a mental note of appointment. 

"Can't I just want to see my best friend?"

Melody smiled knowingly. Sharon wanted to see her perhaps, but she also wanted information. There was no way it wasn't possible considering who was hiding out at her property. "I'll be there, same time and place?"

"Yep. See you then."

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