The Memory of Him

The Mess

She did not call anyone. She ran as fast as she could until she could not breathe. Bella had never been good at running. She was a couple miles away from the house now but still she did not feel safe. She only felt safe when she was around Cam or her friends, even then she still felt uneasy. Bella collapsed on the grass next to an old looking house. She sat on the curb and curled up into the smallest form she could. She didn't cry, she didn't move. She just breathed. That's all she could do.

Cam finally found her at 2 in the morning still curled up on the grass near the curb. The car crept slowly on the street and stopped quickly as Cam parked in the middle of the deserted street. She jogged over to Bella, fearing the worst. Cam gently shook Bella, trying to get her to uncurl her self. Bella finally laid flat and let Cam help her. She felt safe. She felt guilty.

In the car Bella could see the dark bruises around her throat. She wanted to cry but no tears would come out. She wondered if she told Cam that she would leave. Bella knew it was a silly thought and Cam would never be that shallow. It's not like she loved him. She hated him. Cam would understand and hold her tight and treat her like she could shatter into pieces at any second. Cam did not know that she had been hiding this secret for that reason specifically. She didn't like sympathy and did not like receiving it from people who could not even fathom the feelings she was holding inside.

It didn't take long for Cam to drive her to her house. Cam told Bella to stay in the car as she hustled into the house. The lights flickered on and Cam came back to the car and asked if Bella wanted to sleep inside or sleep in the car. Bella shrugged, having lost her voice. Cam nodded and opened the car door, insisting the house was warmer or something but Bella did not care. She was not paying attention to Cam ramble on about trying to find her. She didn't not pay attention when Cam asked her what happened, but she did when Cam told her she loved her.

Cam never even told her own mother that she loved her. She never said it unless she truly meant it. Bella stared at Cam, she finally heard the words to make her break. Bella broke down, crying, screaming, every wrong feeling that he put into her was coming out. Cam tried to hold her but got pushed away every time by Bella's flailing arms. Finally Cam hold her tight and Bella stopped struggling, showing Cam that it was over. She gently kissed her cheek and with that, Cam walked out of the living room. Bella sat and waited for her to return. Cam came back out carrying pillows and blankets and began to make a bed on the couch. She laid down, and patted the couch, asking Bella to rest now. Bella compiled and laid down, letting Cam hold her waist and pull her close enough to feel the heat of her breath on her ear.

Bella didn't know how long she stayed up till but texted her father that she was staying over her best friends house for the night. She didn't want to drive home so late with drunk people in the car. Her father praised her for being so careful and told her to come home when she felt better. Cam woke up late in the morning, still holding onto Bella when she awakened. Bella did not speak, she just snuggled deeper into Cam, trying to forget the night before. At least it was Friday and she had the weekend to recover. Cam said it again to Bella, and hugged her close. Bella could not find the voice she used to tell Cam that she too, loved her.

Cam made Bella breakfast and gently played with her hair. Cam didn't bother to ask about the party. Bella wondered if Cam even noticed the bruises left on her wrists and neck from him. Bella looked up at Cam, a bagel hanging from her mouth. She smiled and the bagel fell into Cam's hand. After eating breakfast and watching some TV, Cam's mom greeted Bella enthusiastically. Bella liked it when Cam's mom came home sober and happy, she was a joy to be around. Cam then pulled on Bella's shirt and told her mom that they would be in her room.

They sat around and laid on the soft bed in Cam's room. Bella was exhausted but knew that no amount of sleep could ever get rid of the exhaustion she felt. Suddenly Cam yelled. Bella's head snapped up at the sound as Cam grabbed her by the shoulders. Cam lifted her off the bed and onto her feet, tilting her head up. Cam brushed her fingers over the dark bruises that littered Bella's neck. She yelled questions and words that Bella could not answer. She wanted to. So badly. Maybe she ought to tell Cam. Maybe it would be their little secret.

Bella could not get out the words as Cam angrily shook her. She screamed at her. She even dug her fingernails into her skin. Bella finally shoved Cam back but Cam grabbed her by the wrist. Cam had began to drag Bella over and back onto the bed, still holding her wrists tightly. Bella could not escape her and felt the surge of emotions she felt when she was triggered. The jarring memory lasted nothing more than a second but seemed like hours to Bella. Cam hissed words at her as she pinned Bella beneath her. Bella's face was covered from Cam by her hair, so Cam brushed away the strands that covered her face. Bella's cheeks were tear stained and red, and her eyes panicked. Finally Bella spoke his name and Cam froze.

Still pinning Bella, Cam looked at her and quietly asked who she just said but Bella was hysterical. She kept pleading for him to stop. For him to move and let her go. For him to do anything else but take the one thing she had to cling to. Realization hit Cam like a truck as she jumped off of Bella and ran to the kitchen. She got a bag of ice and came back to see Bella curled up in a ball like she had the night of the party. She gently straightened her body and pressed the ice to her raw throat. Cam leaned in and whispered that Bella's secret was safe with her. That she knew what it was like. That she too had been assaulted, just not in the same way.