Not Quite a Nurse

The Complement

I am no wrinkle chaser Mr.

It's 5:55 AM inside these main halls in the primary building of this retirement village. 0555 hours if you go by the 24-hour clock the medical world uses, including us P.S.W.'s. Either way, its darn flippen early! You wouldn't know that with the action down Polly-Rose Lane. A number of residents will sit with coffee in the coffee shop reading the paper and chat at this hour. Always someone up and milling about. 

In here I feel like I'm walking down a narrow little old world street. Lined with old style lampposts and mini storefronts of cafe's and shops. Its' decorated to feel like your walking in a mini village. The contrast from the modern day parking lot with its digital parking meters, to this internal town, is like walking straight through to Hogwarts. Now I am no Harry Potter, actually not very harry at all, hehe, being female and all. Which incidentally, is being noticed by one of the early morning risers wheeling down the hall on his scooter.

It's 'Joe Athletic' waving me down as he exits the therapy gym. It's open to residents twenty-four hours a day. He has just finished his own personal spin class. I know this because on the three mornings a week I am here to help my Peeps start their day, he and I will exchange a smile and a wave as I pass him on the exercise bike facing out the window of the fake gym facade.  When I see him stare out to the hall of this pretend old world street, always frantically peddling away, I often think, 'where ya going?' wondering what he is thinking as he spins those wheels away.

Turns out, thinking 'where ya going?' is a trick I am told I need to learn since starting up at a gym my friend suggested.  I recently decided to do something crazy. No INSANE is more like it if you know my past and how unathletic I have been for most of it. In my younger years I spent some time cross-country cycling and skiing, but since my early twenties, not so much. Yes, I did the odd six month exercise class at the community centre but I usually got too 'busy' for it. Most of my athleticism got transferred to the marathon of life with kids, multiplied times three, and running them around in the circus of their athletically talented lives.

I spent more hours chauffeuring these lovely sports minded young human-beings around and watching them train their little hearts out but never took part in anything to give my own heart, or flabby bod, a good workout of its own. Oh yeah, I always made that New Years resolution like the rest of ya's out there. But no, I never actually got to a gym or started jogging at six AM or got back up on that bike again. Until now.

Now, I am wondering what the heck I have done?  The little gym in this retirement home is serving two purposes at the moment. Joe just got a lovely work out and I have just been put into panic mode! This past Saturday afternoon is flashing before my eyes like the still frame snap shots my dad would prepare for us. Like a slide show of his latest hike through the Californian mountains or one of his other many similar adventures. I replay snap shots of my waking in to a REAL gym, taking the tour, saying yes I will do this, signing the waiver, and then running out the doors like a bat out of hell! What the heck was I doing?

My snap shots and my fathers' slide shows are very different. He's stayed very fit and athletic. Me? Not at all! His pic's are of him all geared up on some mountaintop he just concurred or at a look out spot from one of his little  200km/day bike rides. The recent mental snap shots of myself??? Me...darting out the door of the athletic club I have just join, head tucked down deep in my hoody, hiding my face like a serial killer leaving a court room from my preliminary court hearing. Judgment day. It's a comin!

This is serious business. You see, not only did I just join a gym, but... this out of shape forty-something year old mother of three just entered a pretty serious fitness challenge. The 100 Day Challenge!! No, it's not televised like the biggest looser, but it's just as intense.

And the prize. Prize I say? Yes, the prize is not just getting my fanny into the best shape its' been in since my post-motherhood shape took over but also, Holy Mother of Pearl! Gulp, wait for it, waaaaait for it – where the heck is that drum roll I asked for darn it?

Well anyway, the prize is an 'All Inclusive Trip for Two to Cuba' Yeeeaaaahhhhh!!

Palm tree's and sand, for two, for free, in Cuba! Having never set foot off this continent, I am so very stoked about this! And if you knew me well enough, you'd know this woman never uses the word Stoked, so heck, I really must be so very very veeerrrrrrrry Stoked!!

Me and my Hon, on a beach, in Cuba, all-inclusive, FOR FREE!!! Um yes, I am panicking because I am so excited and know I really have to win this thing and I am sure all my competitors feel the same. But how the hell am I going to do it? I am so out of shape, I'd probably die if I did half the work out Joe here just did this morning. That and I looked up the previous challengers who have won. They all lost between fifty-seven and sixty-eight pounds. That's a crud load of weight and though I am sure I am close, I do not have quite that much to loose. With the stresses of a nasty separation and divorce that I've just gone through these past couple years, I've really packed it on, but hell, not that much! I may have to beef up a bit to pull this off. Hhhhmmm. Mmmmm, burgers anyone? Cake? Personal double layered boxes of chocolates please... I must get ready for this competition!

WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Mr. Joe Athletic here, not actually his name but we will use it to protect the non-innocent, is waving me down a bit more frantic than the usual early morning wave I get from him. Pulling me out of my panic attack induced trance I was just in, I realize I don't really know his last name seeing as I am not an actual employee of this facility and he is not one of my Peeps I am contracted to help out.

Extending my hand to properly introduce myself I regret it nearly immediately. I am not really a shy person but I find certain types of personal space infractions very intrusive. Like holding on to my hand too long. I suppose that also depends on the person. Joe never gave me the creeps before. Actually, he always has a delightful smile for me as I passed him in the mini gym. But this extended handshake, now turned to hand holding, is making me feel a wee bit uncomfortable for some reason.

Feeling the need for my hand back, and with him still hanging on in an uncomfortable manner I ask "Joe, would you like me to get you a coffee?" With my free hand I motion towards the coffee shop.

"Only if you will join me my dear," he states not letting me go.

Now what? Well, a polite let down is what it has to be, as I have to run around this complex to assist eight other patients. "I'm sorry Joe, I can get a coffee ready for you but I wont be able to join you. I'm needed upstairs today." And again, with my free hand I motion to the floor above, which is the long-term care ward.

"Ah well, I will have to ask for a rain cheque and see you another time." He winks and motions for me to come a little closer and my naive self leans in to hear what he has to say. Joe looks me over while I move in a little and adds, "I like your new Uniform," and pats my hand. Still holding on tight not loosening his grip at all, he then takes that free hand and while he says "It stresses all the nice and pretty parts!" he pats my butt a few times and immediately rides off towards the lounge!

What the...

I stare, with my mouth hanging open a wee bit in shock as he rolls away at high speed in his battery operated scooter. HA! What an act! Pretending to be all sweet and innocent. And not able to walk when come to think of it, it is very doubtful he even needs his scooter seeing just how much he can pedal away on this exercise bike I've now turned to stare at. HHHHmmmm what kind of game is this dude playing here?

Like my mind at the moment, the exercise room goes dark with the motion sensors detecting no more motion. Instead of the bike, I now see my own reflection. Whoa! Flippen-Flap-Jacks man! Thank god I'm attempting this fitness challenge. Judging by my very chunky reflection, it really is going to be quite a challenge! My uniform is slightly too tight, and definitely stressing too many parts!!

But where are 'thy pretty parts' dear Joe is referring too? Hhhmmm. Must be a chubby chaser! HA! Well, dear frisky cycling senior citizen acquaintance of mine! I am in no way shape or form a wrinkle chaser! Think our coffee 'rain cheque' will have to be post-pond indefinitely. Thank you very much for the slightly uncomfortable complement but this P.S.W. is very happy with my Hon at home! Just a little afraid of the gym is all.

More like terrified!!!