The Gentleman & The Rake

Day 6: Judgment

Judge Hardcastle Renders His Decision 

Monday morning, Judge Hardcastle stalked into the courtroom, threw a newspaper onto his desk, and glared at the hearing's attendees, real and fictional. He said, "Editorials by semi-informed reporters are one thing. This is something else entirely." 

The City Gazette 

Letters to the Editor 

To the Editor: 

I write to protest the ignoble treatment of my husband, Mr. B. No husband could be more just in his judgments, more forthcoming in his apologies, or more generous to his dependents. He has accepted my faults and corrected his own, all without bringing public reproach upon my person. I beg the court to reunite husband and wife and return us to our private lives. 

 MRS. PAMELA B. 

To the Editor: 

We the undersigned feel duty-bound to publicly denounce a custom which keeps a woman from her desired future. We neither subscribe to nor deride the familial and marital duties to which Pamela B has applied her talents, but we rebuke a state of civilization that denies her those duties without her consent. 

SOMEL, ZAVA, MOADINE, HERLAND

The judge said, "How did these letters get published? Well?" 

At the CLF table, Dr. Matchel and Gary glared at Mr. Hatch. Mr. Hatch said reluctantly, "Pamela sent them during our last session." 

"Sent them?" 

"From my Blackberry." 

"Your Blackberry?" 

"I left it on the table. I saw her play with it. I didn't realize--I had no idea she would--she's from the eighteenth century!" 

"My wife is very clever," Mr. B said. He sprawled in his chair, his eyes alight with amusement. 

"And the previous editorials?" 

Mr. Hatch sagged lower in his chair. "She sent all of them. I checked this morning. I didn't know!" 

"I should hope not," the judge snapped. "Who are Somel, Zava, and Moadine?" 

Lonquist said, "They are characters from Herland. In the novel, they mentor the main male characters who arrive unexpectedly in their country. Apparently, they've been mentoring Pamela." 

"I see." The judge straightened from his accusatory stoop. 

"A new hearing?" Dr. Matchel said without much hope. 

"If media involvement had been caused by the actions of the Respondent, I might consider a fresh hearing. Under the circumstances, however, I feel no need to force another judge to listen to these wranglings over historical context." 

The judge didn't mention that he wanted to go back to the Agatha Christie hearings, where he could focus on which literary murders should be allowed and which prevented in accordance with the established rules of "Golden Age" detective fiction. 

Instead, he turned to Mr. B and his voice was no longer peevish but stately and quiet. "I have gone over all the testimony presented this week, applying the standard for literature hearings: customs of a novel's time period and genre are legally sanctioned; behavior outside of these accepted customs may lead to a character's resettlement in another novel. 

"Of the complaints made by the Committee for Literary Fairness, I recognize two main points against the novel's marriage: one, the kidnapping of Pamela before the marriage; second, the possibility of emotional abuse in the first days after the marriage.