The Gentleman & The Rake

A Man of Few Words: Chapter 6

Elizabeth and Darcy Have a Fight, and Darcy Tries to Explain Himself 

The Collins party, including Elizabeth, was invited to tea at Rosings. Darcy planned to take her aside, deliver a short explanation of his decision to propose after which he would pose the question. 

He wasn't sure he would tell Lady Catherine about his and Elizabeth's engagement. Lady Catherine would express voluble disapproval at the match or start planning the wedding. Either possibility made Darcy cringe. Besides, he should first speak to Elizabeth's father. 

He washed his face and hands, dried them on a towel, straightened his collar, and, heart pounding, went downstairs. 

Elizabeth wasn't there. She had a headache, Mr. Collins explained amid gabbled apologies. Lady Catherine looked temporarily annoyed, then promptly forgot about Miss Elizabeth's health. 

Darcy sat and fretted. He was leaving soon, the day after tomorrow. His proposal couldn't wait. The last thing he wanted to do was visit Elizabeth in Hertfordshire. He might change his mind by then. 

That might be for the best, he thought as he excused himself to the company. Except that he'd decided to ask her today. He'd decided. He had to see her and propose, to lay out everything for her understanding. 

He hardly saw the lane as he walked to the parsonage. He knocked on the door and was admitted. He entered the parlor, greeted Elizabeth, and sat. He couldn't remember his speech--what he'd intended to say or do. It would be easier if she said something, but she was silent. He got up and walked about the room, his feet scuffing the floor. 

He faced her. "In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." 

It was easier then--he remembered everything he'd planned to say. He presented arguments for and against the marriage. He explained his feelings, his anxieties. He praised her attributes, especially in comparison to her family. He finished with a declaration that he could not conquer his attachment to her and hoped he would be rewarded with her hand in marriage. 

He stopped and let out a careful breath. He wanted to sit down but decided it would probably be best to continue standing. For the first time, he examined Elizabeth's face, hunting for an expression. 

She looked rather blank. Darcy frowned slightly. Was she concerned about the social gap between them? Should he be more reassuring? 

She began to speak. At first, Darcy wasn't sure what she was saying. He kept waiting for the "but, I will accept." It never came. She was saying, "No." She was rejecting his proposal. 

"I have never desired your good opinion, and you have certainly bestowed it most unwillingly." 

She had flirted with him. She had been friendly with him. They had discussed personal matters. She was behaving as if none of that had happened. She was acting as if she didn't know how Darcy felt. 

She stopped speaking. Darcy realized he was gritting his teeth. He took a deep breath. "I might, perhaps, learn why, with so little civility, I am thus rejected. But it isn't important." 

He heard his petulance and didn't care. He wanted to goad her. She was too composed--as if their relationship was as light and careless a thing as her discussions with John. 

Elizabeth flushed, but not coyly, and her eyes weren't sparkling. They were, rather, flinty and glaring. Darcy waited, his hands and back clammy, his stomach churning. His body knew how she would sound before she spoke.