i got up to use the bathroom and i was still so stoned and that voicemail released the demon in me. i looked threw my bag to make sure i remembered blades. Ah Ha. I found them oh how cute they are.
I rolled up my sleeve and said "fuck 5 months clean! I'm going giraffe on this shit!" as i made that first deep cut i felt so alive. it hurt so much i lost feeling. 122 cuts later pain arrives to the party.
there was huge puddle of dark beautiful blood and my sox were stained and and my shirt. I have threw the closet looking for pills and i finally found some pain killers. I took a hand full and swallowed.
im not sure if i fainted from the pills or from the blood loss.Livi comes running to my side when she hears me fall. She gets her mom and they scream. They called the ambulance.
and off i was about to die so sweet and so peaceful lying on the gurney. bright lights above me i hope its heaven. But nope. Dammit! im alive. i woke up feeling high from sleeping gas. " thank goodness you are awake!'' livi cried.
I looked at my scared arm and saw 14 big stitches in my arm I cried. " your mom is in the waiting room" a nurse came in to say.
