Numb But Moving

Chapter 5: Escaping the Pain

BPOV

            “Bella…What happened to you?” Of course Alice was the first to speak. Every other member of the Cullen family was too shocked; they all looked rooted to the ground and as if their faces may stay that way.

Their thoughts were all pretty much the same:

            Bella? That’s Bella? I would have never guessed. Yeah they look similar, but seriously?

            Oh my, Bella. Look at how much she’s been through. I would have never guessed.

            Oh Bella, we should have never left you. Look at what’s happened. I’m so sorry. Alice’s thoughts made me cringe, I couldn’t let myself be affected, I knew they didn’t really care about me, thinking they did would only hurt me more when the truth hit home. Their sadness had to be guilt for what I had become.

            A look of comprehension spread across Jasper’s face; obviously he had understood the reason for my pain, despite how much I wish he hadn’t. I needed to escape – now.

After a quick death glare directed to Aro, I turned to speak directly to the Cullen family. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for you to find me like this, or at all actually.” I smiled, sad and apologetic, feeling the remaining pieces of my heart being shredded. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

Then I was running. I turned off the ability to hear thoughts; I didn’t think I could stand to hear anything more. Just hearing them call my real name hurt, the façade was over and now I just needed to be somewhere, anywhere, else.

I ran as fast as I could, weaving through the forest and changing directions at times. I knew none of them were good trackers, and I doubted any of them would find me but that didn’t prevent me from launching myself into a tree and traveling across their tops, just to stop the little trail I did actually leave behind.

I didn’t want to be found. I didn’t want their pity, and I didn’t want to cause them any pain, even if it was only from guilt. For the first time in over 70 years I felt my heart, even if there wasn’t much left of it, and it made me wish for death.

APOV

            I had seen this. Well, not everything, but most of it. In those three little seconds that Bella lifted her barrier, I had had flashes of everything: the story she would tell us, the Volturi coming, their confrontation with Bella, Jane’s mistake, Bella’s pain, and, finally the thing that made everything make sense, Bella’s identity.

I was shocked that this vampire, Marie, was our Bella. What had happened to her after we left? I didn’t see her being changed all those years ago and didn’t know what that meant. It wasn’t like I was trying to look into her future, Edward had specifically banned me from doing so, but something that huge, that life altering I would think would come to me without being called. But it didn’t.

I was sad for Bella. I knew the heartache we caused her, I saw that before we left, but I was still a little hurt when she ran away. I wanted my best friend back, I wanted my sister back, but, most of all, I wanted my family back.

EPOV

            Bella, my Bella. She was here, just in front of me. Would she ever forgive me? Would she ever be willing to love me again? She was so different from when she was human, but when her eyes softened and she apologized, I could see it was her.

            I stood there frozen, in complete shock of the situation, as she turned tail and ran. She was so fast! I had to admire her at the same time my mind was whirling with questions. Why had she run away? Did she really not love any of us anymore? Was she scared of us? No, she had seemed to believe me all those years ago when I told her I didn’t love her, didn’t want her; I would never forget that day. And she apologized. Was it possible she still believed what I said that day? Did she hate me now, or was it possible she still cared for me in some way?

I suddenly knew that if there was any way that she still cared for me that I needed to find her. I would willingly crawl on my knees and beg her to take me back, if that’s what it took. It broke my heart to know that she had been alone for all these years. How long had she been a vampire? I hadn’t seen her in over 70 years; surely it couldn’t be that long. But when I saw her new face in my mind once again, I knew she couldn’t have been much older than she was when we left. My heart tightened at the thought. I needed to find my love.

I turned my eyes to Carlisle, pleading him to understand. He already had a determined look on his face. Go Edward. Take your cell phone, but go. We need to find her. Not waiting for more, I took off.

When I actually paid attention to the faint scent she had, it was similar to when she was human: freesias. I inwardly hit myself for not realizing who she was earlier. Sure she said she was Marie, but I should have seen the similarities and known. Unable to change anything now, I just hoped I would be able to find her.

I felt a panic rise in me as I chased after her. She was so fast, faster than me. I didn’t know the reason she was running away, but it hurt to know she was running from me.

While I was wondering how I was going to catch up to her, her scent disappeared. I stopped, completely shocked, I didn’t know what to do and the panic was starting to take over.