My Little Faerie Girl

Darkness, I Fall

She's talking but I can't hear her; I see her lips moving but I hear no sound. I see without actually seeing. I am there but I am not.

All I can see is my father, my life force, the one thing that has always kept me going, laying on the ground, covered in blood – his blood- motionless.

That image is frozen in my brain and appears every time I blink, and each time I blink I notice something that I didn't see before.

Blink. He's wearing a deep forest green t-shirt, the colour of his eyes. I got him that shirt when I was seven for his birthday.

Blink. His knuckles are bloodied, he tried to fight, he tried to live.

Blink. His eyes, the colours of leaves are lifeless, but he is – was – looking up into the sky. I can see him asking for forgiveness as he is beaten and bloodied, as men bring him to his death, as he takes his last breath.

Blink. His hand is closed around something on his chest.

Blink. It is a piece of paper. A photo. The photo of me and him. The photo I gave him when I was eleven and told him to never go anywhere without it; so I was with him wherever he went.

Blink. I don't see it anymore; his lifeless body on the cool, thawing ground of spring. I see only darkness, something I greatly welcome as I fall.