Rant Book

Periods

Warning: there may or may not be a lot of cursing and grammar errors. Also, if you're uncomfortable in the topic just skip along like nothing happen ok? Ok. 

Bruh what even

What did us girls ever do to Mother fucking nature for her to be like HAVE SOME BLOOD that GUSHES out of the most SENSITIVE PART of your body and make it LITERALLY seem like a miniature demon is CARVING your insides.

And that's not all folks

Let's start with cramps

Wtf dude it feels like my stomach is like, "Nah dude fuck this I'm out" and tries to kill itself

Literally

They make you hunch over like your 139 years old and whine. You start taking pain pills and befriending them while you're at it because you'll need them.

And how about pads/tampons?

Here's an uncomfortable, don't tell me they aren't for you I won't believe you, chunk of cotton for your Niagara falls of the month. Stick it on your underwear - oh wait just kidding WE RUINED THOSE  

Don't even get me started on mood swings.

You'll be fine, medicine's kicks in, chillin' and then ALL OF A SUDDEN A PANIC ATTACK WANTS TO COME OUT OF THE BLUE FOR NO FUCKING REASON AND MAKE EVERYTHING SUCK

Nothing will be wrong then it's oh shit - What if I slipped on Tuesday? What if Jerry thinks I'm a loser? Did I inhale too fast? What if my water doesn't like my hair?

I'm not even kidding it's that petty. You know what PMS stands for? Petty (and) Maniac-like Sadness

Ok I'm kidding it stands for Premenstrual syndrome - It should be Petty and Maniac-like Sadness.

You get sad over spilling your beloved Cheeze-its (Which I love). And when you're sad it's not like oh darn I spilled them. No. It's more like tears form in your eyes and you just sit down by them and feel like a horrible person. OR you just get so pissed off that you try to kick them and end up stubbing your toe right into ground. And then cry about that.

And then there's fucking cravings

I've seen girls WALK to the gas station and buy herself an XL chocolate bar and ate the entire thing in 10 minutes or less. I don't the exact time I was in a spinning chair. We will hunt for sweets. You have chocolate? Not anymore bitch that's mine.

I personally crave crackers, I don't know dude I just do. 

Then there's boob pains

Whether you're part of the itty-bitty titty committy and big booby Betty bit they're gonna hurt. Running = Pain, Walking = pain, existing = pain

They get bigger too and you just kinda ?? ok whatever and then you feel like you gained a letter in bra sizes.

Just why