Aubrey (Axis Rising)

013:

         

*****013:

It was a much needed respite for us all. The following day we traversed the two mile figure eight trails easily, examining brown pelicans, cormorants, gull chicks, and a profusion of wildflowers so endlessly dazzling in color and delicacy as to treat the eye to further scrutiny. The relief from city streets, blocky man-made buildings, and rotten air pollution was a huge rewarding contrast. Throughout the day I heard more comments about that phenomenon, that of getting away from the undulating pressures of the city and its heavy mind numbing blindness. This was a moment of freshness in our bleak existence that didn't seem bleak from the inside, until you had this splendor in your face.

In the afternoon the adults who wanted to took the boats to the other side of the island, where a kelp forest between rocky promontories gave us a snorkeling view nearly unsurpassed. It made the USVI trip look like a watered-down and faded kiddie park. This was clear marine life all around us. I ached for Aubrey not being able to come, and knew that my surprise for tomorrow would partially make up for it. Because the currents were acceptable for more experienced divers and snorkelers I did not bring Virgil and Lance did not bring Will. But later that evening, we took them down to the beach and let them frolic in the waves. We had some one on one brotherly time as well while the kids played.

We sat on the sand, rocks being uncomfortable and pointy. The waves were good sized, further out, but the shells and pebbles the kids collected and stacked and made their kiddie pathways with kept them completely focused and out of our hair.

We talked about mom and Chris, Dad and his chick, and the church. It was something of a vent session, maybe a much-needed one under the circumstances. He'd never had the chance to tell me about his break up with Darnel, and I'd never confided all my trauma in Mexico.

It felt good to just be brothers.

And as the sun set, we saw what we thought was a whale further out, tried to show the kids and failed, but shared that moment between just the two of us, building bonding, whatever you wanted to call it.

Eventually, word traveled round to our mutual acquaintance, Marlon, still up top with the band playing football and Frisbee. Or Frisbee football, or ultimate Frisbee or --- anyway.

"Did you bring him here on purpose? For me?" Lance wanted to know.

I stared out to sea, wondering what the answer to that question is. "I don't know. Maybe."

He blew out his breath. "He's devout, completely indoctrinated."

"Devout and indoctrinated are two different things." I said in defense.

"Okay, I agree. Then he's simply indoctrinated."

"He's open and honest. He feels he was born this way, though, he's not out there campaigning that it's a choice."

"I hear you, and that is refreshing from a Mormon standpoint." He hung his head over his crossed knees and dangling arms.

"Why do you feel he is indoctrinated then? What's to be indoctrinated about? He feels he was born with his same-sex attraction. He's preferring to be alone."

"He has tried male-female relationships, and found them intimidating and distasteful."

"I see. So, is that pretty normal? Do most gay guys feel.... Intimidated and grossed out by hetero females?" I didn't quite know how to breach this subject. It wasn't that I was unversed in talking about it. Up until about a year ago, I hadn't even seen gay men as gay, and hetero as hetero, it was just a preference and to each his own. I wanted to not care. I am completely confident in my own choices, and I feel right with God about my own choices, so I don't care what others do. It's too bad that it's in my face what with Daniel's suicide and Lance's feelings. Otherwise, I'd still be saying to each his own. But they are forcing issues. Them and-- honestly--Aubrey.