Don't Let Me Go

Chapter 6

If Axcel wasn't like an annoying shadow before, he certainly was after that night. I guess I didn't blame him. If our places had been reversed and he was the one who had less than a year to live, I might've been the same way about him.

We'd been nearly inseparable for as long as I could remember. One of us loosing the other was unthinkable..until now.

We spent the weekend together, watching Harry Potter movies and playing board games. That's just about all life is good for when it's autumn in New York. It rained the whole weekend, reflecting both our moods.

School was as it always was..except this time, I was aware that all my efforts would probably be in vain because I probably wouldn't make it to college, or even graduation. The thought depressed me, but I wasn't going to let it take over the rest of my life. I decided to live as I always had. I didn't want to be taken out of school, I didn't really even want anyone to know I had cancer. I didn't want to be treated even more like a freak than I already was. So I went about the day as I normally would. Shakespeare, calculus, humiliating gym classes, piano lessons..everything.

At the end of the day, I felt exhausted, even more so than usual. It wasn't the disease itself, but the knowledge of its effect that was making it worse, like a placebo. That was my belief anyway. Maybe I already was getting much weaker.

After school, Axcel took me to Starbucks again. It was a favorite meeting place of ours. He insisted on doing everything for me. And I mean everything. He probably would've even carried me from the car to our favorite table in Starbucks if I'd asked him to. He wouldn't let me pay for my coffee or even order it myself. I really hoped he wouldn't be like this from now on. I definitely wasn't going to stand for that.

He sat down across from me, sliding my coffee over to me. "Thanks," I said, giving him a smile.

"Are you okay?" He asked, looking at me with that look. This was the reason I was mostly keeping this to myself. I didn't want people to treat me differently because of my condition.

"Oh yeah, in grand. Just dying is all," I answered. He didn't think that was funny. For a moment, he looked as if he might start crying again and I regretted saying it. "Hey, I'm still untitled to my morbid humor, aren't I?"

He just looked at me. "Delilah..this is so hard on me..those jokes aren't funny to me anymore."

"And you don't think this is hard on me?" I snapped. I knew I shouldn't be getting mad, and I rarely ever lost my temper...but things were different now.

"No..I wasn't saying that.." He protested.

"You don't know anything about it, you don't know how it feels!" I stood up, angrily slinging my bag over my shoulder.

"But I'M the one who's going to be without YOU," he said, his voice full of pain.

"I'm going home," I said, taking my coffee and walking out the door onto the sidewalk. I could walk home from there, it was too far..I'd walked farther before.

Axcel rushed out of Starbucks, stepping up to me. "I'm sorry Del!" He put a hand gently on my arm but I shook him off. "Leave me alone."

"At least let me drive you home," he said, gesturing to his car. "It's a long walk."

I glared at him and took a step back. "In not HELPLESS," I shot. "I don't need your help with everything! I don't need help from anyone!" I turned and stormed away, leaving Axcel standing in the middle of the sidewalk, staring after me.