Don't Let Me Go

Chapter 7

After I left Axcel standing there outside of Starbucks, staring after me like a lost puppy, I walked home and immediately stormed into my bedroom, slamming the door behind me and throwing myself on my bed. It wasn't fair... Why did I have to die..what had I done wrong?

I wanted to just lay there and sulk all night, but soon my parents came home and my mom knocked on my door. "You okay honey?" She asked, letting herself in before I answered. She sat down on my bed next to me. "I'm fine," I said, my face buried in my pillow.

She put we hand on my back and rubbed it soothingly back and fourth. "We have to get going to the hospital soon for your first treatment," she said.

"No.." I moaned. "Okay, I'll be ready in five." I tried to act like I didn't really care, to make it easier on her, but I really, really did. My mom left and closed the door softly behind her. I turned onto my back and sighed. With my doctor's recommendation, I'd be starting chemotherapy. It wasn't going to save me, but it would extend my life..there was no way to know how long that would be. But, the chemo also had an unending list of side effects. I'd live longer, but I'd feel like crap the majority of the time I had left. I'd have to live with the nausea, the forgetfulness ( I already had that), but the chemo was also going to cause me to lose my hair, if it wasn't already bad enough. I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror.

My long dark brown hair was to my waist now. I'd been growing it out for years. I didn't consider myself pretty, but my hair was the thing I liked most about my features. My skin was much too pale, and my cool blue eyes stared back at me fiercely. I could be mistaken for angry when I really wasn't.

"Lilah!"

"I'm coming!" I called back, tuning from my reflection and walking out into the living room where my mom was waiting for me.

I took my phone with me, in case Axcel decided to text me..or I finally broke down and texted him. I already felt terrible for yelling at him. I missed him.

I had no messages, and I felt a terrible feeling in my stomach. Could I have just lost my one and only friend? Could anything go right? I guess when it rains, it really does pour.

We got into my mom's black Nissan and she drove carefully as usual.

"How're you feeling sweetie?" She asked, her voice a little weak and shakier than usual. Since my diagnosis, my parents had made an effort of spending more time with me. Which was cool, I guess. But it only made me feel worse. Oh..you're dying Delilah..better spend a couple extra minutes before you're gone.

I knew that wasn't my parents' intent, but I couldn't help but feel that way. "I'm feeling really great, Mom," I said. I wasn't really trying to be sarcastic, but I suppose it sounded that way. She didn't ask me again.

After only about fifteen minutes, my mom pulled into the parkinglot at the hospital. I hated the place, yet I'd been there everyday for the past week nearly.

We walked up to the room where I'd be getting my feared chemotherapy treatment.

When I had imagined senior year, I would've never expected this..or anything close to this. I wondered if I'd graduate high school, or if I'd even still be around then. I wondered what my family and Axcel would do when the inevitable eventually did happen..I didn't want to get thinking about it again, because I wouldn't let myself cry. Not in front of Mom. That would've killed her. So instead, I tried to think happy thoughts, which is kind of hard when the nurses around you are hooking you up to all different kinds of badass-looking machines and IVs.

First, they inserted a little plastic tube called a catheter into my vein in my forearm. That would stay there under my skin for as long as I'd be receiving chemo treatments--so probably, the rest of my life.

From the catheter ran a flexible plastic tube that connected to a bag, filled with all my various drugs that would be pumped into my veins.

It took a good thirty minutes for the medicine to slowly flow from the bag, through the catheter and into my bloodstream. It definitely wasn't the most pleasant experience, but id have to get used to it if I had to do this every week. I shuddered at the thought. My mother had held my hand the whole time. I pretended to just tolerate it when in reality, I was glad for her constant presence. the back of my mind wished that Axcel was here too, but I'd brought his absence, that was my fault and I'd have to fix it.