When It Rains | Taekook

chapter 11

The constant sadness. The lump in your throat. The pressure on your shoulders for keeping what you want to say inside. The gloomy mood. The negative feelings swirling in your head.

You can only take it for so long. Everyone has their limit of hiding their true feelings, trying to ignore them, while hoping they'll fade away eventually. Sadly, this is not how feelings work, no matter how many people wishes it was easy as that.

It had been a while since we made up that argument with Taehyung. Three weeks to be exact. I should've been happy. I should've feel better. I thoughts it's gonna be alright and we'd just go back to normal, like how we were before. But things didn't seem to work out well.

I didn't understand why. Our conversations, our phone calls, our friendship. It all felt pressured, wrong, fake. I wondered if Taehyung felt the same way. If he noticed that something just wasn't right between us. I thought a lot about it, but I was way too scared to ask him.

He seemed just fine with us being friends again. I didn't want to destroy it. Back then, the only thing that ever mattered for me was his happiness. So I decided to give up mine, for him.

Taetae:  hey!^^

Taetae: how was your day in school?

I sighed as I popped down on my bed, checking my messages from Tae. He really was okay with our current situation, so I let him be. 

Taetae: Jungkookie?

it was okay, i guess

how was yours?

Taetae: it was weird

And so he started to tell me everything about his odd art teacher. Me, being a good friend, played along and acted like I was just as surprised as he was earlier that day. Luckily, we were just chatting, so he couldn't suspect that I actually didn't even care about his story. I was glad I couldn't hear his smooth, deep voice I was once so obsessed with. I was almost 100% sure it would have made me feel even worse.

Not to mention how far I was drawn into my own daydreaming, my own thoughts to actually make any effort to listen to him without getting distracted. It would have been nearly impossible. I had these weird mixed feelings in my head. A part of me wanted to think about him, to only be with him, while the other part wanted to stop talking to him, to finally find a will to leave without all these depressing thought and constant guilt. I wasn't sure how long I could keep this war up without finally making a decision.

Taetae is typing...

Taetae: are you okay?

im fine

why?

Taetae: you look so distant

Tae im okay

Taetae: are you sure?

totally

look

sorry but i gotta go study

ttyl

I tossed my phone somewhere on the bed and headed to the bathroom once again.

☆

hi c:

short chapter because i have no time to live at the moment because of school 

but i wanted to update anyway since i missed last week as well so yeah

2-3 more chapters before...oh well