Unwanted Attention

Chapter 35

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•Harry's p.o.v•

Today's the day.

The day of Anna's funeral.

I sat on my bed and cried silently. I've never cried this much in my life, not even when I was a kid.

"Harry?" My mum croaked. "Are you ready, sweetie?"

"Give me a minute.." my voice failed to stay stable.

My mum opened the door to my room and kneeled in front of me as I cowered on the edge of my bed. My face was in my hands and I let a few whimpered sobs out of my mouth.

"Look sweetie, look at me," my mum stroked my cheeks. "She's better off up there than down here. She deserves the best and up there is he best chance to be her best self,"

"I know that mum but I love her and now she's gone," I sniffled and my tears still fell.

"I know baby, I know. It's hard right now but it'll get better. I'm here for you and so is everyone else. We love you and I know she loved and still loves you. You'll meet her again in time, I promise," she smiled faintly.

"Okay," I replied nodding. "thanks mum, I love you," I hugged her.

She seems taken aback by my action but she hugged me tightly back anyways. She's the closest thing I've got to love right now and I intend to keep it that way.

"Get dressed," she said leaving the room.

I took a deep breath in and out, then started to get ready for Anna's funeral. This is going to be the worst possible time of my life.

------

An hour later we were at the funerals and Anna was in her coffin. Just thinking about her in that fucking death bed makes me want to cry, imagine me seeing it.

I walked over to her coffin and knelt down in front of it. I said a prayer hoping she would hear it but I know she wouldn't. I then stood up and walked towards the exit. I can't be in here right now. I need to get out.

I barged through the exit and started walking down the street. I probably looked like an idiot with a suit and tie walking down a busy street with blood shot eyes and tears streaming down my face. But I could care less of what people think of me right now, I'm not in the mood.

"Harry!" I heard Louis call out.

I didn't turn to face him, I just stopped so he could catch up. I heard his foot steps running behind me then they stopped beside me.

"Harry? I know it's hard man, but she's in a better place and-"

"I fucking know she's in a better place! Every fucking person I pass let's me know that she's gone. They tell me that 'it's alright' when in reality, it's not. It's fucking hell,"

"I get it. I really do. I'm feel the same pain you are... she was one of my best women friends," he half smiled at his choice of words. "and I've lost her. But I know that this life that were living isn't good for her. She wasn't happy. from the first day I met her I knew that her beautiful smile was fake, but I was too embarrassed to ask why. Harry, I know you're grieving but I know that's not what she would want from you. I know that she's watching us right now and she would want you to live your life," he explained.

I guess he's right. She would want me to be happy but it's close to impossible to be happy without her. My baby, my bestfriend, my girlfriend. I miss her.

-----

After the funeral, visitation and burial, I want home and jumped into my bed. I didn't even bother changing out of my tux, I didn't even care. the emotions of today are making my head, body and heart hurt. I just need some fucking rest but I know that I won't be able to. I haven't slept that much since Anna died and every time I start to sleep well, she ends up in my nightmares by killing herself in front of me.

I decided to get out of the house and go to a bar. Just to have a drink, no more than one.

I go out I my bed, changed into the normal black skinny jeans and black band T-shirt then made my way out of the house and to the bar just a bit away. I walked and walked for about 20 minutes till I finally saw the bar. I walked up to the door and walked inside. I sat at one of the large stools, looked at the bar tender and order a beer.

"Bad day?" she asked.

"Mhm," I mumbled.

"Tell me about it?" she asked and demanded all at the same time.

"No," I plainly said.

"Oh come on, don't be like that! I could maybe help?"

"No, you can't help with this one,"

"Family problems?" She asked. I shook my head. "Girlfriend problems?" She asked again.

"Fuck off!" I yelled a little too loud and harshly.

But I just lost my fucking girlfriend and you'd do the fucking same if it was your partner.

"I'm sorry man, just trying to help..." she said with both hands up, kind of scared.

"Well don't," I said through gritted teeth. "For all you know I could've lost her already!" I choked out.

"I-" was all she could say.

I nodded and walked out of that bar without even getting my drink. Fuck people, fuck death, fuck feelings, fuck life.

••Authors Note••

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