Just A Fading Memory

1

CC

"Now Christian this won't hurt......me." I lifted my throbbing head and looked at my tormentor. They pulled out a syringe filled with a clear liquid with a needle on it about three inches long. I strained against my restraints, trying to free my arms. "Hold still you insufferable emo faggot!" The person smacked me across my cheek and then stuck the needle in my arm. My vision started fading to black and I found it hard to breathe. Their trying to kill me. I could hear my dying heartbeat in my ears. I can't die, not like this. Not here, not now. I struggled to stay awake and vainly tried to move my arms or legs but they felt like lead. I'm dying.....there's no escape.
      "CC! Wake up!" I jolted awake gasping. I looked around frantically, still feeling the sting of the needle in my arm.
"CC you're fine. You're okay. Everything's okay. Breathe."  My roommate Matt Good was sitting on the edge of my bed. I sat up and tears started falling. I covered my face and just wept. Matt wrapped me in his arms and pulled me into his chest. "You're okay. Just let it out." He stroked my long black hair and waited for me to calm down. I was trembling uncontrollably and sniffled. Matt was very understanding and sympathetic towards me when I got like this. Certain things would just set me off and I'd basically freeze up and start crying for no reason. I'd also have panic attacks when those memories would randomly cross my mind. Matt said that was an effect of trauma. He'd been my roommate for about 4 years and he never once had a problem dealing with me.
"You okay now CC?" Matt held me by my shoulders and looked me in the eye. I nodded. "Do you want me to make you some breakfast?" I nodded again. "Okay. It'll be a few minutes. Get dressed." He stood up and left the room closing the door behind him. Matt was too good to me. I could never thank him enough. I stood and stretched, walking over to my dresser and pulling out a black t-shirt and black skinny jeans. I put on a black bandana and started brushing the knots out of my hair. I went into the kitchen and Matt had made waffles. My favorite.
"Matt you go do your own shit now. Thank you for the breakfast."
"Are you sure CC? I could stay out here with you while you eat."
"I'm sure I'll be fine for a little bit while you take a break." I smiled reassuringly and Matt finally left to go back to our room. He does too much already he deserves some alone time to enjoy himself. I don't know what triggered it but one second I'm eating the waffles the next I'm crying and shaking. No I will not break down again. The tears wouldn't stop so I got up and as calmly as I could walked to the bathroom and closed the door. I sat on the tile floor hugging my knees and having a panic attack. 'everything's okay. You're okay. Stop panicking. Nothing's wrong. Don't worry Matt anymore.' I heard him walk into the kitchen and then heard his footsteps quickly coming to the bathroom. 'Get it together!' I tried to will the panic attack  away but it only made it worse. He opened the door and I was still huddled up shaking and tears were streaming.
"I-I thought I could handle this. I'm sorry. I don't know what happened, one minute I'm eating the next I'm having a panic attack. I'm so sorry."
"CC.....C'mere. It's alright. You're okay." Matt hugged me. I wish I knew what was causing this trauma. Was it just a dream or did that actually happen to me? I'm still alive so it has it to be just a dream.